Letting Go...

When my father was around i was a daddy's girl, i had everything i needed, was secured financially, and he was very protective with me. i felt safe around him and i loved him very much. He was taken to prison years back, after he was taken to prison my mom met who is my step-father right now...

Since i was 8-16 i had been sexually abused by this man.... i was young, but i knew what the love of a father was.. i knew that being loved as a child was suppose to make me feel protected and not letting anything nor anyone harm me. I knew that if my real dad was around this person would have been dead. He wouldnt want nobody to harm his little girl even in the smallest things... i had to live with this all for almost 9 years... every night was a night of fear.. when i would see a shadow creeping up my door i would just shut my eyes tight and cry.... feeling his filthy hands around me was a nightmare that i couldnt wake up of... time passed and he continued to do it... when he would do it there was alcohol involved.. and where was my mother when this would happen?? drunk as well not knowing what was going on... maybe thats the reason i dislike alcohol so much. Years passed and passed and it was the same story again.. i just couldnt take it anymore i tried telling my older brother and he wouldnt even bug listening to me.... i had many problems in school going through this crap. After a couple of years i decided to run away from home, left a letter to my mom saying what had happened and why i did it.. but it didnt help.. cops were looking for me until they found me. They took me back home but what a smart mother i had... she never showed the letter to law enforcement... cuz he knew that my step father would clearly go to prison. I told her everything i had been through with that man, how i hated him, and how much he damaged me.... little did i know that she wouldnt believe me... that she believed him over me.... his excuse was that he was drunk and he never meant to do it. Lies, lies, lies.... how in the world do you go for 9 years abusing somebody and not knowing youre doing it??!!! When I told my sister about this... she looked at me saying that i was mad... that it was my teenage years making me say that... that all i wanted was too create problems with my mother and stepfather.... my brother did the same.... he actually added more telling me that i was a good for nothing and that maybe i was the one that came up to him... This man had everybody in his hands, oh yes he did.... i dont want to continue going cuz i'll never finish... this man hasnt payed in prison but im sure he's going to pay for it for the rest of his life... never did my father find out about this. Thing is that i still have to see this guy face to face but never can i look upon his eyes... so all i had to do was just let go of my damaged childhood because of him, as every1 else told me "it was an accident Rosie." "He never meant to do it" and till the day everyone sees him as he never did nothing.. only i have to go through the memories when i see him...i thought too myself "if i lived with this for years why cant i just be stronger and let go"... and till the day i haven't been able to close that chapter....
roseyvonne roseyvonne
22-25, F
25 Responses Apr 4, 2012

I am very sorry. I definitely can not find the words that could possibly describe how I feel after reading your story.

Take care

thanks for viewing....

De nada!

spanish i see!

Poco espanol, Si!

que bien que sepas :)

Si, gracias!

3 More Responses

I was also abused at an early age, by my Aunt and Stepmom...however it's different for boys...not as intrusive...I actually enjoyed it, not knowing how it would affect me as an adult..cuz when my daughter was 15 I touched her inappropriately and spent 4 years in prison myself...so I can see both sides of your story...sorry this happened to you...and I'm really sorry I fell into temptation myself...having been programmed by my Aunt and Step mom that it was ok to have sexual relations with family members..very sad.....

oh wow, i know it takes different affects on men but i never considered that they would do the same to their child.... i dont blame you but you should hae know better dont you think?

Ofc I should've know better...and I paid the ultimate price for letting down my guard...alcohol was also involved, so I don't drink anymore...the good thing is I have a good relationship with her now...that happened in 1992...now she's 36 and a mother herself...it all turned out ok...but she felt guilty cuz I went to prison...I made sure she didn't blame herself...it was all my fault...and I accepted my punishment like a man...

Its a good thing you had a good outcome to this and im glad she could get over it... its pretty difficult to do so depending on how long was the abuse going for.

It only happened that one time..I was a good Dad...I'd gotten custody after I divorced her Mom....I feel that is why we were able to heal from it...I can't blame the booze...or the fact that I'd seen her naked when I caught her and her bf having sex in my living room on the last day of school....though I feel that made me realize she was sexually active...it's not an easy subject to discuss...

I hope you don't have to experience what I did...I wish that on no one...but thanks for the encouraging words...

2 More Responses

you should have kicked that son of a ***** in his balls and then said sorry, it was a mistake and then do it every day till his balls burst! i am damn sure if anyone touches my kid or any kid in this way i am bound to go up in rage and do the worst possible for such a man! such men need to be shot on sight and there should be pardon for every child rapist killer!

sadly i was very scared as i child, and as i grew i kept on being scared... :/

no worries! do it now after you became a police officer!

Your childhood sounds like a nightmare for you! But it is behind you, and as they say, what dosent kill only makes you stronger.

u made a good decision... Thumbs up

If you were MY Baby, I'd want you to tell me even if I was in prison.... and yes, you're right, he wouldn't still be walking around.

Que puerco de verdad.... no se como pueden existir hombres asi... :(<br />
No cabe en mi cabeza como alguien puede dañar asi a un niño... Que lo siento y ojala tu familia te hubiera apoyado y no dejar que un puerco idiota ande libre :S

I agree with Ambivilent. You are a very strong person to tell a story as deep and torturous as this. All too often this happens and it sickens me that sooooooo many people in this world are abused in either this way or that. As bad as it sounds, this has and will make you a stronger person and please dont let this happen to you again. So many people sink into this abyss of abuse and ****** relationships. There is so much to say but so little time and space for the responses. Good luck and take care of yourself.

"it waz an accident rosie, he didnt mean ta do it".....iz everybdy ******* serious with that bullsht, ya knock over a chair or a lamp..THATS an accident, ya dont av th SAME accident over n over fur 8 ******* years straight!...im really glad ur somwat ok now, i kno it still haunts u...i hope u take THIS th way its meant--->xcept fur ur bio fathr...i think ur entire family iz a COMPLETE DISGRACE! fur th way they treatd u, u were ur moms baby girl fur ******* christs sake!!!!! (sorry fur ALL th bad wrds).

I am so sorry that you had to experience this and I think that your a strong young woman and that you need to always remain true to yourself because he is going to have to face redemption one day. I don't think I would be able to talk to my mother or family anymore because I couldn't be around people that put a total stranger before their own blood. You can love people from a distance. I hope that one day you build the strength to tell your dad what has happened to you because at least you know he will support you regardless of the fact that he is in prison or not.

you know that kind of person should be in jail no matter how it hurts your mom and now you have a chance to complain and go and report what he did at least if ever they will find something about him in the past it will be known that he is creep and molested you for longest time.....

really sad to hear this u should inform this to ur father

baby i know deep down the person that gets abused etc feels it's their fault, thats why they don't go to the police, if you tell your dad he may tell someone that is getting out soon and kill the step, these ****** never care about what they do cuz in his mind he got away with it, i'm going thru divorce and i worry the **** my ex is seeing(that cheated with my ex causing the divorce in 1st place) will do exactly what the step did to you, your mom is in a fairytale, if i was your mom or dad i would smash this creep, remember it wasn't anything you did! this ***** that abused you is a *****! you need to see someone to get the pain out, it will ruin any relationship you get into, you deserve to have a beautiful life, see a schycoligist, please it will help you get thru the crap you feel.

I echo what someone said above. I wonder what the statute of limitations is on this ? Don't make any hasty decisions ba<x>sed on what I say ( I know you wouldn't you sound very level headed ) but has it occurred to you that there might be more victims of this guy out there ? Maybe even your sister ? Or he may be still sexually abusing someone right NOW ? Or he may do it in the future ? Man , I would want revenge, but you're safety comes first. And know that I think about it ,I would guess the statute of limitations for your case is longer than two years.

I would like to kill that mother ****** }:o

Sorry to hear this. I think the statute of limitations on sexual assualt is 7 years. If he's assaulted you within the last 7 years I would go to the authorities. It will probably difficult to prove but preditory behavior has to be stopped. It may be difficult to prove at this point since its a "he said, she said case." Hopefully you have some proof. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

kick him in the nuts - then tell him you did not mean it

I a man is responsible for his actions drinking or not. He should be in prison. You did nothing wrong.<br />
Please stay strong!

I'm so sorry for what happened to you. I have a story too, but not sure I'm going to post it on here. It is not nearly as horrific as what you have gone through. It is still hard for me to deal with. I forgiven one of them for it. One because I believe he is sorry for what he did. At least I really hope he is. We don't talk about it, but I think he is regretful and remorseful. I know what happened has impacted my life in many ways. I have depression and anxiety problems, and I am overweight because I use food as a comfort. I have had other problems recently in my life that have caused more depression, etc. but I have recently realized that the sexual abuse I endured has really affected me more than I thought it did. Something else I have discovered recenlty, is that I refuse to let these experiences rule the rest of my life. If I let it dictate my happiness in life, then that evil has won, and I cannot let that happen. The title of your story is Letting Go. I know that is what I must do. I applaud your courage for telling your story and hope you can let it go as well. I believe you can start a new chapter in your life--a new and happy chapter. That is what I am trying to do. I hope you can too. You are a brave young woman, and I believe you can do it. :)

You're a strong individual for expressing that. Kudos to you! ..Time heals all!

damn... i'm not even sure where to begin. Such a heavy weight to have to carry, and then no help or compassion from your family. That doesn't say much for them. As one person here said, now that you're an adult, you do have more power to put him away, especially if the the family is aware of it. Something to think about... he might have done this with other children also. and could still be doing it. <br />
I find you very strong, open.. and i'm sorry about the hell you went thru for so many yrs, and still feeling it now. I think the world of you and wish you only the best in life and happiness. You deserve that

que cabron es un puerco debe morir q le corten el huevo y selo agan comer por cochino malvado NOTE PREOCUPES AYA ARRIBA AY UN DIOS Y EL VE TODO DEJASELO A EL YO TU SELO DIRIA A TU PAPA PARA Q LO MATEN

m really sorry dear, u had 2 go thru all dis 4 so many years... ur really a brave girl. n as far as that A-hole is concerned, i dont think u shud 4give him. i dont believe in fogive n forget. i think the person who's left u restless for more than 10 years should not b left 2 live peacefully at all. u should make his life utterly miserable. he ought to feel sorry 4 having commited such a shameful act. screw him up at his work place, get the child rights and women activists involved, n if u can take it, u can even get the media into it.. soon enough people will b talkin about him n he wont even b able 2 roam out with his head up, u can easily get him behind the bars girl. and ur family- if they aren't with u in this, then u shudnt b with them either.. m pretty sure ur real dad will always b there with u.. n once u start sharing it with people, u'l find dozens of friendly people standing with u.. only when u will see that man suffer, ur pain will heal. it wont give you back those years but its not about the years, its about what he did, n he has no shame 4 it,today he's roamin proudly as if nothing happened. his place is inside the prison not inside your house. n prison is living hell 4 child molesters.. there are bigger bullies there who will give him a bitter taste of his own medicine.

hey rosie....i am so sorry for wat u had to go tru and still is is......its a wound thats take for ever to heal.....but in time will make u stonger....but someone one like he does that to anyone i know......i will **** him up.....chop off his ******* head.....cut is **** out with a razor.....

its alright, i mean its years after... but im pretty sure he's going to pay for it further on,,, and its gonna hurt him more that way... i know it....

yea....i guess u are rite.....he will pay....have a great day,,,,