How I Was Sexually Corrupted

 How I was Sexually CORRUPTED And Lost My Virginity Without Having Sex or Being Touched If you ask my friend Anna to describe me in a few words, she would likely say.." you are a very deep person, Extremely loving and giving, and you corrupt innocent men, and teach already corrupted men, what it truly means to be corrupted sexually all without trying to." 

This whole conversation came about today and over the last few days when I told her a little bit of information about a certain younger person than myself whom I have never spoken to sexually, flirted with in any way, and this person wants to be a pastor. When I conversed with this gentleman, it was always with respect and friendship. The other day I received a email that he dreamt about us, and had an intense sexual dream and woke before "finishing" and then woke up and finished himself off. Then told me about it. Pretty normal, standard guy/girl stuff... But as I said, I never did anything to encourage it all.

Those of you who are regulars to my writing, know I thrive and feed off of sexual tension. If you know how to do one certain movement, I would literally buckle to the knees, even if I was in church. It is the most sure-fired sexual movement you can do to entertain yourself and watch me drop, and exude sounds against my will. 

So, I have to admit, this person's voice, in a normal, everyday-type conversation, leaves me wet sometimes. Against my will. So is it me that is corrupting? If so, how? I surely would like to know.. People have said these sorts of things to me since i was a teen. " You look so innocent Laura, but your such a bad girl at heart" or " If a person looks into your gaze long enough, they feel starved" and others..

HOW I BECAME CORRUPTED (not poetry, sorry guys)

Imagine being at that point so close to going over the edge but held there. Imagine being toyed with and tortured with a feather? With so many sexual things out there, how can a feather hurt? How can a person staring at you, make you ache, when you have never touched? Let me share with you how...

It can begin anywhere.... as a virgin, as sexual tension, a new experiance, or a old flame ignited... there is no book, or where to look on how to do it... it is simply done, and has an impact that can change you forever.

It started with a look, when i was 14. Everyday, this guy in school would stare at me, telling me stuff with his eyes. He made my body feel things it had never done before. I saw this same man and visited him whith my husband, and 20 years later, he still effects me with the glance.  Because of this man, is why you always see me write about the eyes, the glance, the stare. He is the very reason i am bordeline obsessed with sexual tension.

Some would say that a woman loses her virginity when she has sex for the first time. My first time having sex was when i was 16. I say, that i lost my virginigty when i was 14 with this glance. I was molded then and there, every day in school, with a look with no satisfaction to releave the presure i felt within me. I didn't understand what was happening, it wasnt like what other girls said things felt like. What i do know, is that i lost my virginity at 14, and i never had sex. Nor was i ever touched.

When i crave, it physically hurts me. This is how a feather can torment me and give me severe pain. It begins in the mind, and body, your ability to learn to grasp and hold the simplest of movement..... A woman's hair, laid slightly to the side, exposing a portion of her neck... A man making a clenched fist, and seeing the muscles exposed in the forearm... if you learn how to tap into the deepest, yet simplest part of your mind, you can see sex everywhere. Everywhere. Such, as a mere glance..

So what qualifies as being corrupted in today's world? There are so many levels i feel can meet this standard, that i find it hard to accept that i corrupt others, and that i have also been corrupted myself. Have you ever corrupted anyone? How much of your past and first experiences of self learning from others make a impact and placement on who you are, who you become, and what you stand for or like as a preference?

swtcandygrl swtcandygrl
36-40, F
Feb 27, 2009