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Sexually Neglected Wife

i have been with my partner for five years, we are now married with a priecious child.
on the out side i look very happy but on the inside i am completly crushed.
i crave to be sexual with my husband every day,
my husband has no desire to have sex, he only does it from time to time, to try and make me happy, which is hardly ever.
i am left feeling like a job he keeps trying to put off, he also won't perform oral sex on me, and we bearly kiss.
this leaves me feeling like there is something wronge with me, i won't approach him for love anymore, the rejection hurts to much.
i've talk to my husband a million times about how this makes me feel, he just apologises, says he will try harder and nothing ever changes.
i have been taking anti-depressents for the last year to deal with the emotions this brought apon me each day. it's helped a little.
i married my best friend, i know he loves me, but how do i cope with out a sexlife when it 's so important to me, sex literally soothes my soul,
i dont want to be break up our family,
what should  i do, help!
lonelylaura lonelylaura 26-30, F 12 Responses Mar 15, 2011

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he needs to go to the dr. and get some testosterone shots or something. It's never going to get better. I lived like this forever and I wish I had pushed him to check out why his sex drive was so low

My situation is exactly same as yours. I feel a complete lack of interest from his side. Crushes me to feel rejected on a regular basis by someone whom i love dearly. Dont know how to handle this situation.

there are many of us living this life. We married our best freinds. Life was good for a time. some longer than others and then things changed. And one is living a life that they see as fine or even good and the other is left lonely and needy. It rarely changes. I would have him see the doctor about his hormone levels. But if he does not want to fix it then sadly it never will. It will tear you apart inside, living a life that is devoid of physical contact. I am a strong believer it fighting the good fight. But in a battle that cannot be won, you must take care of your heart. Set a resonalble time limit for counseling to have some positive effect. And if things do not change then you have to leave. I am fighting along side you. Remember that you are not alone in this. Find a support system. And above all else, remember it is his problem. There is nothing wrong or unnatural with you.

thank you. I have tried myself to fix a man who is broken. He is good and kind and decent. and yes he loves me the best way he knows how. But he can not get past his own broken issues to understand that i need so much more. The more we used to have. So i to have set a dead line. The first is to survive the holidays in as much peace as possible. then to request that marriage counseling is needed. If he refuses i walk. If he agrees then he has a few months to grasp and act on the desperation in my soul. I honeslty hold out little hope. But it is what i need to do to walk knowing i tried all there was to try. I have 24 years invested in this life. And while it died 2 years ago today. I am a woman of some honor. And i am now doing this for me. Take your stand and do what you must FOR YOU

You have to decide if it's something you can live with for the rest of your life or if it's something you must have to be a healthy, happy person. He is not going to change no matter what he or anyone else tells you. Even if he is honest about wanting to be there for you more, it is not in his nature. I have been in a very similar kind of marriage for over twenty eight years now. There are times she will make an effort and it will be good, but those times are short lived. Much of how she approaches our sex life is like it is another one of her responsibilities, very mechanical.
It sounds like you will never be completely happy or fulfilled with things the way they are, so think about what you must have to live a full life and make it happen before it is too late.

I know it's not the ideal situation, but the herb chasteberry or vitex, would take away alot of that desire for you, if that would eleviate some of the pressure on your relationship.

Pressure him to seek medical help, this is not normal in my opinion. Tell him to get a blood test to see if there is a low testosterone issue. It could be low, they have patches or injections to help. Plus there are dietes and vitamins that canhelp as well.

This is truly a complicated problem--However, It's not an impossible one!<br />
Does he have sexual fantisies-Do you?<br />
Have you two talked about them(in possitive ways)?<br />
Sometimes folks need to "Spice Up" thier sexlives(expand boundries)!<br />
I read "Quite regulary" about couples who have this problem--But the Types of efforts they make to improve things are not effective with the people involved& they are afraid to Push thier currant boundries--The same old-same old doesn't fix things!<br />
I hope this helps in some small way!<br />
Cuckhold Don

Hi. I do empathise with you. My wife was my best friend till her stroke 11 years ago resulting in disability and cognitive problems. She says she still loves me very much but there's no physical relationship not even touching. So now it's more a carer/cared for relationship than a marriage. <br />
<br />
Best wishes

I guess that he is gay. Probably he likes tomake love to another man

You know yourself so would not ever consider telling anyone to stop meds! It is wierd sometimes how we end up with polar opposites of ourselves. Similiar situation - was okay early early but became infrequent very quickly. I had some addiction issues but have been clean for over 20 years and feel like I am still paying for it.<br />
Wish you the very very best and hope things will not be so emotionally draining!<br />
Good luck Laura!

thanks for your comment, <br />
i really have tried talking about this with my husband, sometimes it makes him pull away more, he doesn't know what to say to me. i've never met any man with this low kind of sex drive. it was low right from the start of our relationship. i wouldn't dream of coming off the anti depressents, it really helps me keep my emotions at bay, other wise i beat my self up wondering constantly why, then i just get outragously angry.<br />
i resently booked us into couples counciller, hopefully it will heip but i do fear my husband can give me what he doesn't, like trying to get blood from a stone<br />
i need peace, this effects my dreams now, i have the same re-accurring nightmares about this situation.<br />
i wake up so emotionally drained

Lonley, My heart breaks reading you note as I feel your pain. If there is ANY way you can discuss it with him you must. I am 25 years into a similiar situation that turned sexless about 5 years ago and my wife was also my best friend. Trust me if you dont discuss it it will get worse NOT better. We talked and things got better for a while but now I too have given up and looking elsewhere for physical satisfaction that most of us crave.<br />
Sex does soothe you soul and is an incredible stress reliever and I would like to believe if it was working out better for you maybe you could get rid of the Anti-Depressents. I am alot older than you and hope you work things out because a healthy active sex life is as important as being a best friend or a great parent!<br />
GOOD LUCK!