Need to Find People Who Understand Me.

I am a shut-in by choice. I am very disappointed in my choice of being one. I know that there are people who have no choice in being one because of medical reasons and I understand how they wish they could break out of their world of solitude and can't or it's too difficult. I was always an extrovert growing up until the last 6 years when I moved back home with my parents. I am a gay 32 year old male, who is a recovering drug addict. I am on a methadone clinic and I am on SSDI for bi-polar disorder. I am narcotics free other than the methadone, my anti-depressants, and mood stabilizers. My world was surrounded by drugs, parties, men, and fun. Once I got on MMT ( methadone maintenance treatment) and found sobriety, I have distanced myself from the outside world. Now I am surrounded by literature, TV, food, and family. I know that it doesn't sound that bad, but it is. Everyday I get offers from new acquaintances to go out and do something, but yet I still refuse. I feel so comfortable at home. I am content sitting at home with my lovely aging mom, talking to her and cooking meals together. The only thing is that now I think I am becoming stir crazy. I am yearning to find that special person who will break this obsession of staying home. When I am home I feel safe. I feel that when I am home, I am away from all negative temptations out there. I feel that I am away from trouble and that there is nothing or no-one that can harm me in my house. When I go out and meet people I feel like I have to portray an image of a person that I am not. I mean I am myself most of the time. I like being around people and I get along with people very easily. The thing is that when it comes around going places with them, like parties, clubs, or bars, I find it very tiring. I prefer going home, getting in my pajamas, relaxing with a good book, or watching a good movie with my mom and dad. Now I must remind you that I am a 32 year old man. Talk about failure to launch, jeez!!! I am very busy when I am at home though! I've become the typical house wife! I have taken over for my mom because she is suffering from osteo-arthritis, diabetes, and a heart condition. So it is beneficial that I spend all my hours at home now, in a way, I guess? I feel like that I missing out on my life by living this way. I feel like I am letting the days in my life slip by me, day by day, and not even noticing or enjoying them. I don't feel depressed, but am I? Is it the reason why I shut myself out of the world? Is it that I am doing so good in my recovery and that I am scared that the outside world could cause me to relapse? I don't know what it is? I hope by writing this I can find someone who has gone through something similar, or is going through something like this. I would like some advice or some direction to take to help myself.  If I could find a friend through this, it would be more than what I am expecting, but I am hopeful and looking forward to it.


Lonely Recovery

Carlos0418 Carlos0418
31-35, M
4 Responses May 30, 2009

I have some one ask me .
What would you do ?
I am like you I can not go to party or together things .
They make me sick and I have to stay home.
And I miss out.
And I know how you feel.
So I talk to people on here and that is how I get my friends.
Go out in the back yard and go out and sit .
And see how you feel out there.
Little at time.
Take a walk and see how you feel
I know how you feel .
It is not fun.
And noise just makes me sick.
Can not stand kids yelling .
I come home and go to bed.
So you are not alone.
Hang in there.

i feel similarly. i used to be a party girl. i have to go to my friend's going away party tomorrow and i feel exhausted just thinking about it.

Hey! How are you? Are things looking up? I agree with axeman66. Sometimes, the only way to get away from the person you were is to immerse yourself in the person you would like to be. It seems like that was what you were doing. I'm more interested in how you are now. Are you making positive connections?

you're a homebody, no biggie! the fact you don't want to go clubbing or to parties means you're growing up. there's other things to do. libraries, museums, walk in the park. i think you'll be alright.