Recently Seperated, Having Troubles Dealing With The Hurt

I'm recently seperated from my wife. We have two children together a boy and a girl, 3 and 2 respectively.

I wasn't my decision. Not to say that I didn't have fault in the situation, but I worked tirelessly to try and avoid what's not my reality and my children's reality, but it's come to light she didn't care to even try. I'm still dealing with a lot of pain, anger and frustration, and every day I find it easier to be upset, angry and vindictive, though I try hard not to be, for the childrens sake.

She told me that the last year of our relationship she didn't love me any longer, and clearly she had been lying to me any time I asked. She didn't tell me this out of respect for me, the words came only when I asked, and out of disdain for me.

I try to stay positive, and there are days where I am optimistic about the future, and I look forwards to living and doing things for my kids and for myself, but eventually it just cycles into anger frustration and depression.

When i'm angry, I hate her, and never want to have anything to do with her. She has cut me very deeply and the hurt runs hard, but part of my wants to be with her and have her back, and that just compounds my hurt, because I know that will never ever happen again.

I don't really know why I've come here, or why i've posted any of this. There's many days that I just want to shut it all out and don't let anyone see the pain, but every day makes me thing about this site and people here. I don't know if I'm looking to just let it out, or what. mabye I don't have any faith in this and am just showboating my pain.

I hope not, but I hope to find out.
AtrusX AtrusX
22-25, M
3 Responses Dec 24, 2010

Its actually on to talk about it. Its lets you get it out. Better here than all the time at work! lol!
I didn't want to talk about it either in the beginning. But the more I talked about it, the quicker I was able to sort out the feelings of hurt.
No its not easy, yes its full of lain... But it gets a whole lot better!
I had a similar situation with you. I'm three years out from the separation now and.... Hmmmm.... There were dark times before it got better, but it does get better. Me and my kids are happier now than before and during the separation.
Just focus on being a good dad and doing it one day at a time.

it takes a while but good times sneak up on you. hold on mate keep your chin up.

Hey...sounds really familiar......<br />
it's been just about 8 years for me...Kyle is 12 and Kayla is 10.<br />
It has been a really ****** ride especially with the ex and her boyfriends....3 and counting. Send me a message if you would like to chat.