Recently Seperated, Having Troubles Dealing With The Hurt

I'm recently seperated from my wife. We have two children together a boy and a girl, 3 and 2 respectively.

I wasn't my decision. Not to say that I didn't have fault in the situation, but I worked tirelessly to try and avoid what's not my reality and my children's reality, but it's come to light she didn't care to even try. I'm still dealing with a lot of pain, anger and frustration, and every day I find it easier to be upset, angry and vindictive, though I try hard not to be, for the childrens sake.

She told me that the last year of our relationship she didn't love me any longer, and clearly she had been lying to me any time I asked. She didn't tell me this out of respect for me, the words came only when I asked, and out of disdain for me.

I try to stay positive, and there are days where I am optimistic about the future, and I look forwards to living and doing things for my kids and for myself, but eventually it just cycles into anger frustration and depression.

When i'm angry, I hate her, and never want to have anything to do with her. She has cut me very deeply and the hurt runs hard, but part of my wants to be with her and have her back, and that just compounds my hurt, because I know that will never ever happen again.

I don't really know why I've come here, or why i've posted any of this. There's many days that I just want to shut it all out and don't let anyone see the pain, but every day makes me thing about this site and people here. I don't know if I'm looking to just let it out, or what. mabye I don't have any faith in this and am just showboating my pain.

I hope not, but I hope to find out.