Every Day Is A Reminder

I was made a widower 18 months ago, when my wife lost her battle with cancer at the age of 33. Her illness and death were of course very traumatic for me personally and for my son and two daughters aged 7, 5, and 3.
Losing my wife like this was a double edged sword. On the one hand, it was not a surprise, so we could enjoy the time we had left together and prepare for her passing. On the other hand, I have many sad memories of the pain and suffering during her illness, memories that I’d rather not have.
Initially I tried to be the strong man, for myself and for my kids, but in spite of having a very supportive family, I couldn’t hack it, so eventually sought bereavement counselling. I was not just grieving for my wife, but also for the memories of our lives together and for the future together I had lost. The counselling helped me immensely and although I still have sad days, I can enjoy life more fully now. I’ve pushed all my emotion about the situation to one side and am focusing on doing the best I can to bring up my kids but this task is very daunting when it feels like I’m facing it alone. I can’t help thinking can I do this? Am I strong enough to bring up the three kids without my wife and dearest friend.
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3 Responses Jul 30, 2013

I lost my wife 15 years ago. I can totally relate to this, and I am here to give witness that you will think of her, on her birthday, anniversaries, holidays or even if you see some trinket in a store that you know she would have liked... Smile when this happens man, remember and smile and be thankful you have that memory of her. Then kiss your kids (I had 4 at the time), tell them a story, give'um a hug and plan the for future. It does get easier as time goes by... Hit me up on here if you want...


Of course you can do it. Don't question your strength. You were strong enough to recognize that counseling could be useful. It's a weakness if you cannot seek out others' assistance in dealing with something.

And you're not alone. I'm very sure there are others who are rooting for you and will provide assistance. Talk to the children's teachers, to the parents of the children's friends, to your family and friends. Accept any offers of help, and don't be afraid to ask for what you need.

Don't be afraid to be sad now and then. It's okay. Just set a time limit to think sad thoughts and then focus again on all the good in your life. I know a man here who lost not only his wife but his children in an accident. There are always those who have had worse things happen, which helps us feel grateful that we've not experienced their losses.

I am sorry for your loss, and hope you and your children find much joy and happiness together despite it.

I am so sorry to hear this ... or read this should i say. I cannot begin to imagine how hard this must be!! Cancer is such an awful thing and i had to watch my exes mum go through the whole process ... having treatment but knowing it wouldn't take it away ... maybe even not prolong her life ... just a chance it might. She was asking the question ''was it worth it'' was hard to watch her losing her life ... someone so vibrant ... you would never have known she had cancer ... many people didn't see her fight. x

no worries x