Jealous Girlfriend

 Im a single father of 5 and have sole custody of all five of my children , I started dating a girl two years  ago  she's 26  and Im 36 . She has no children or never been married , she started off being a wonderful friend and support for me  then in time we  fell in love. Three mounths  ago I had to break it off  and  it really devasted me because  I truly loved her and cared for her the  problem was that with time she started to  become real jealous of my children and was becoming quite harsh with them.Even though in other ways she was very loving toward me she did not want my daughters  to touch me hug me or get near me ,she would come over only when she knew they were in bed so that she would not have to see them . My children really tried hard to  love her by tring to hug her, but  she would always push them away ..After I broke with her I really missed her and even thought I made a mistake of letting her go, but what else could I've have done with time it was only getting worse  even though  she really wanted to get married to me she would  always  express how  she only wanted me to herself  and did not want share me with my children . My children don't have a mother I'm all  they have  so there is no ex she would of have had to deal with , does any one have any advice on my desicion?

Ismael72 Ismael72 36-40, M 9 Responses May 28, 2009

Your Response


God bless your efforts.

answer my confession

my I have 23 years , im from Brasil and by January I will be au pair if you enteressa, I'll take care of the children and you with great affection

I have to say you did the right thing on letting her go. This woman or any woman who you get involved with must accept that the kids are part of the package when she gets together with you. She will need to learn to be a family, she will need to love them unconditionally too.<br />
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My mom was divorced (I know your not and Im sorry for your loss), all through my childhood she would have boyfriends, infront of her they would be nice, and there were a few that were mean and nasty.... your kids can tell if someone your courting is actually interested in including them...they can tell if the person likes them.... trust your instinct. This woman if you married her would not treat your children as her own, she would not give them the love they need, nor the understanding. <br />
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I agree that adults need some "adult time" and there is nothing wrong with that, but there is also the family time that helps build bonds and keeps a family together. Children are precious and yes kids can be trying, but honestly the love they give back is nothing in comparison as a bf or a gf can give. <br />
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Good Luck with your search for Ms. Right :)

Sounds so demanding on the' Ms. Right', 'she will need to be this &amp; do that'.....though children are precious, she is very precious too....and whether the love given by the kids or the lady can be comparable or even more....there is no definite answer to that.

Oh WOW I know where you are! I have sole custody of 3, a challenging career, and all the trappings that usually take a two adults and a maid to keep under control. I also went through a couple of "perfect" women. I don't know if this applies to you, but I found that I wanted to be both: the sexy, single rich guy with the beautiful woman on his arm and no restraints, AND the loving father who always puts the kids first. In the end I had to realize that in order to find a good partner, I had to find someone who can understand about being part of my attention, and not the sole ob<x>ject of it. <br />
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I'm engaged now, and I admit that there are still some moments of frustration when my fiancee acts like my 5 year old, both demanding my attention. All in all though we are trying to function together.<br />
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She has to remember that it isn't an insult to her that you love your kids more. No parent in the world (including hers) would disagree with that. However you need to remember that its in everyone's best interest if you place her just slightly above the kids. If she is to be your partner then she needs to feel like it, and they need to see it. Otherwise there can be no respect for or from her.

She has indeed chosen a good and understanding man! Applause! Yes, your words 'place her slightly over the kids' and your consideration 'she needs to feel like it' would definitely steer your new r/s in the right direction, Daddio3...cheers!

1st off sorry for the fowl language but **** her.she may be hot and nice to you but if she can't except the full package its just going to cause more and worse problems down the road.theres to much life ahead for your heartbreak to stay.

I hope your situation has improved for you and the children:)

I know first hand being a single parent of three or more kids is not easy in any sense of the word, so when a potential girlfriend/boyfriend enters the picture it is more than welcoming-almost a relief. Especially if they're willing to go for it after finding out how many children you have 'sole' custody of. I mean, how many people are willing to tackle an already made family? Not many and it does kind of sting, but life goes on. (I know, being a single mom of four myself).<br />
Okay, now that I've warmed the room up with enough of my hot air, let's get down to it. Ready? This should not even be a question! I think you already know this but need affirmation/confirmation to see if you should pursue this relationship and you probably are still weighing the odds. With five children to raise, love is going to be very important (if not now, very soon!). You can't expect the other person to immediately fall in love with your children, but at least respect their feelings and not hurt them is a good place to start. Also, jealousy of your time with your children is a potion for disaster-not to mention to 'conveniently' come over when they're asleep; you need to know you're potential partner is an adult that will not shuck responsibilities and stand by your side when situations get sticky. <br />
Your children may not have a mother at this time, but they do have a father that loves them enough to let go of someone that would have been unhealthy or even demoralizing. Children live/lead by example and for you to have stayed in that relationship would have spoken volumes to them. By letting the other person clearly sent a message that my dad loves me enough to want the best for me. Trust me, your 'best' is yet to come and her love for you will carry to your children. Good luck and have fun with the kids in the meantime!

I think you marrying someone like that would be your kids' worst nightmare. They don't have a mom, and they lose their Dad to someone who doesn't want to share him, or even to come over when they are awake. It sounds like the beginning of Cinderella to me.