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Flat Broke With Child

I tried to stay with my daughters father for three and half years we were together. I stayed through the verbal abuse because he seemed to really care for my daughter, but when we moved to his country and he took away my car and my money and hit me then thats when I said this is not healthy and figured the best thing for my daughter is to show her a healthy lifestyle so we ran with just our clothes and we are starting over. We are safe and healthy now but to do that I had to accept govt assistance. I guess I came to this site because I am so tired of the generalizations against mothers who recieve welfare. I dont sit on my butt at home. I just want to shout. They just dont understand everything you have to do and all the hoops you have to jump through to get a check once a month, that comes no where near the amount you need to live on. I can choose to buy gas or maybe this month pay for the meds or ....... my electric bill is more then I get in welfare. Ive been reading a really good book on welfare reform called "flat broke with children: women in the age of reform" it talks about how the welfare reform might actually be hindering mothers. It pushes jobs first children safety second. Some moms leave thier children home alone just to make it to the job or forced volutary work. Or they dont apply for welfare because of the hoops you have to jump through, or they stay in abusive relationships because its seems like the only way to survive. I am just thankful this site is here so I dont feel like im the only one in this situation.
wendybegley wendybegley 36-40 6 Responses Aug 27, 2010

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Awesome Wendy.

You are not alone, Wendy, and the many others out there who are experiencing similar experiences. Society in general (including some of our friends and many acquaintances) just don't get it and continue to drown us in cruel stereotypes. But WE KNOW THE TRUTH!

I am a disabled single father I can totally understand were your coming from my bills outway the benefits I recieve and trying to get a job is hard enough for anyone my childrens mother never pays for anything its all down to me if you want to chat please feel free to add me don't worry I,m not after anything I just understand how lonely bringing up kids on your own can be x

Dear Wendy,<br />
<br />
I completely understand where you are coming from, as I was in a similar situation. There is an epidemic of domestic abuse in this country that goes unheard, and no one seems to realize that the policies that govern poor mothers in this country does not understand that the direct result of this type of abuse is, well, women like us. <br />
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What I find very sad are the naive comments suggesting "advice" like "online classes" and "if you work hard, everything will be alright." Really? Because there are a lot of us who work really hard yet we are still neck deep in crap. Did you hear what Wendy said? Her electric bill is more than she gets in public aid. But in some fantasy land she can afford school? Please. Your advice is patronizing. Another piece of bull that gets piled on top of us. <br />
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The truth is that it is very difficult for a poor mother to raise her socio-economic status without any kind of support. No, strike that, it is IMPOSSIBLE. That is why many women return to an abusive relationship - or jump to another one. It's the only way they can survive. Yet, society points a finger at these women and say, "why does she keep going back?"<br />
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What is unsaid is that it is the state that is letting this continue through its POLICIES. Ignoring this horrible epidemic (more women die at the hands of an intimate partner than are killed by the flu) is an abuse in itself. The treatment of poor mothers as "inept" or "criminal" is also an abuse. I mean, I really have to prove to my fat, underpaid/overworked social worker that I send my child to school? That I'm not on drugs? Do corporations who garner billions in govt aid have to do that? And I'm supposed to be grateful for this? Like I said, it just piles on.<br />
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Wendy, do you know of any non-profit organization in your area that advocates for Abused women? If you need support, I am available. How do I get you my info without the haters seeing it too?

I don't know if this is feasible for you but maybe a home-based business might work as you could stay at home with your children while working. Years ago my husband quit his fast-paced life in the advertising field and we ran a home-based carpet cleaning business from a duplex so we could raise our babies at the same time. It worked for us. Maybe online classes to help you get ahead. I hear there are publishing companies who will pay you to publish your book, something we are looking into.<br />
See if anyone in your community provides free food so you can then put the rest of the money towards bills to help offset costs. Above all, the children come first, no matter what.<br />
Explore your options.

I am sorry to hear all you have been thru. Unfortunately, society is very critical of people when they are down. Don't worry as long as you are doing your best and all things will get better. It may take sometime but be thankful the system was there when you needed it the most.