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A Year And A Half Strong :)

I've been a single mother since November 2008. I have three marvelous children who always keep me on my toes.  I love it!  I have my struggles with them. My son is VERY stubborn and hard-headed, but amazingly stealth at being sneaky that I can only admire him. He is 3.  My oldest daughter Karleigh is about to start preschool, she is turning 5 in November so she misses the age group that can start Kindergarten by a month.  I think she is brilliant, however, dramatic.  I have no clue where she gets that from, probably me though.  My youngest Arieanna, two years old, she is what brightens up my day first thing in the morning.  It still amazes me how excited she gets to see me when I pick her up at daycare.  I recently took her to the doctor concerning her posturing.  She may have infantile spasms (a form of epilepsy if I'm not mistaken).  I feel like I neglected her health because I didn't think much of the motions she made from time to time until I realized this past month, it can't be just a phase because she does it all the time.  So she is getting referred to a pediatrician who might refer her to another specialist but it is going to take months.  I am very concerned about this now.  And very scared. 

Concerning how I feel being a single parent:  To me this is a life I've always wanted.  I really enjoy being the only one who can control how my children grow up, their behaviour, what they see and what they learn (not in a bad way, but if I chose to stay with their father it would have been very different).  I feel bad sometimes because they don't have the fatherly figure around often enough and it scares me for my daughters especially.  I like that I live in a smoke free, drug free, alcohol free home.  I like that they aren't exposed to that like they would have been with their dad around. Sometimes it is a lot for me to handle.  I don't have breaks, I don't go out on weekends, I don't have friends to babysit my children, but I don't regret any of that.  To me, they are all I ever need.

kaytiej kaytiej 18-21, F 3 Responses Jul 29, 2010

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not only kids need father but you also need a helping hand of male who can offer his services for kids and to you.<br />
go for one.

Thanks for sharing your story. I've been a single father since July of 2009. I can't say this is the life I always dreamed of, but it has become a life that I appreciate more and more each day. I have shared parenting of my three children, ages 7, 5, & 3, although they are with me more than their mother. Which is great for me. They do keep my hopping, but I wouldn't have it any other way. My oldest will be in 2nd grade this year, and in his 3rd school since all the separation stuff began. I was able to stop the moving around with the dissolution though. So this is where the kids will stay thankfully. He has ADHD, and I am always concerned how the medication affects him, and how all the other factors in his life contribute to his behaviors, etc. I finally have him scheduled with an actual specialist, and not just a pediatrician who prescribes meds like candy. <br />
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My middle son starts Kindergarten this year and is very excited. He is so bright and sociable, and will thrive in that environment. And my 3-year-old daughter continues in pre-school. <br />
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I sometimes feel guilty that the kids are now a product of a broken home, but I also realize that they get more out of their mother now that she only sees them part-time. As strange as it sounds, she is quite content with being a part-time parent. While, I on the other hand would prefer to have the kids with me full-time. Which may happen, as they get older. Who knows?<br />
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Life is constantly changing and it is up to us to filter through the mess and come out on top. It’s a never-ending adventure with children, and I am so motivate having my little ones hanging in there and counting on their Dad. <br />
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Good Luck and stay strong.

You know, I really respect you for being so strong. My husband left me about 8 months ago but my children are older now( 11 and 12 years old) and like you said it feels good to have a good environment for the children. I remember long ago I was really worried that my children will learn to be negative and grumpy like their father. I've tried so hard for their sakes to be extra positive and happy. They are OK now, thank God. I see that everyday they have a choice to make, either to treat a problem positively or negatively. I am thankful that God helps them take the positive road in their lives. But you my friend, continue to stay strong. You have chosen the good things, the right way. It is hard to take care of three little ones, but may God be with you every second of the day and night and help you. You would need someone to help you sometimes. I took care of my children all by myself and it was very hard at times. I wish I had someone to help me at least a few hours a week, so I could have some time for myself too. Now, I just take my girls with me, wherever I go. They are my little good friends. I wish you a wonderful day.