Alone Time? Yeah Right!I watch shows like "Super Nanny" and other various shows and movies about children when I get the chance. The thing that always gets me is when people tell "Mom" "you have to remember to take time out for yourself"
My son is 18 months old and I haven't had a momment to myself in so long I don't remember what that's like. I don't even get to go to the bathroom alone much less take time out to do something I enjoy. The only reason I'm able to even write this is he is FINALLY asleep.
Don't get me wrong, I love my son more than anything in this world and I would not undo one thing that led him to my life. I just wish I had a little help sometimes.
People have told me I should take him to a mother's day out thing once in a while. Maybe I should. It's just that I'm afraid that would hurt him. Emotionaly. His father abandoned him when he was three months old. I'm sure he's probably forgotten Daddy by now but he still seems afraid that I will leave him too. If I am out of his line of sight for more than a minute he freaks out. He is not talking yet either so I worry about leaving him with someone becasue he can't tell me what went on. If someone was mean to him or even how much fun he had.
I have no one that can help out. None of my friends or realitives have the time or patience to watch him from time to time.
So.... how do I find time for myself? Sometimes I really feel like I just need a break. Staying up all hours of the night to get a few minutes alone is taking it's toll on me. If I don't sleep when he sleeps I am so exhausted during the day.
And even this... staying up and messing around on the computer is rare for me. He sleeps in bed with me and when he wakes up and notices I'm gone he freaks out. He won't go to sleep without me holding him. Which was cute at first... and sometimes still is... but sometimes I just have things I need to do and if I lay down with him I will fall asleep too. I have tried to get him to sleep in his own bed but he won't do it. I tried one time to let him cry it out and I only lasted for 5 minutes. Honestly it seemed to make the sleeping situation even worse. I've read it can actually tramatize some children.
I've also read letting them cry it out is what you should do so they leran to fall alseep on their own. But he seriously freaks out when I'm not around. I'm not talking about just being a little upset and throwing a tantrum. I mean screaming and crying at the top of his lungs with tears streaming down his face,
So I'm torn. Do I leave him with strangers when I know he's going to freak out just so I can have a little me time? How can I do that? I could try telling myself it's for his own good. I just honestly don't know if it really truly is the best thing for him. I feel, as his mother, it's my job to protect him from as much pain as possible. So how can I inflict pain upon him just to give myself some time away?
This mom thing is one of the toughest things I have ever done. However it is also the most rewarding. I do love him sooooooo much. More than I ever thought possible.