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I'm A Single Mom

Our daughter was nine years old when I decided I'd best get away from her father.
Not that he's out of her life, I wouldn't want him to, because he's her dad and will always be. Just because I hate his guts doesn't mean she can't see him.
After I broke up, we crashed into my parents' place (see also my other story on this subject) because we had nowhere else to go, and since mid september, we got our own place and are now, physically, a single-parent family.
Well, at least I only have one child, so I'm never outnumbered...
I am very fond of my freedom and for the moment very unwilling to part with it. Her father was always undermining me, going behind my back and so forth... Resulting in a rather disrespecting daughter... I hope, and will work on, she'll improve.
I am convinced of the fact that a single-parent family which is stable is far better than a family life that is unstable, with parents fighting and arguing all the time. What kind of an example does that make? I'd rather be free, independent and on my own than talked down, suppressed and together. I'll take the cut in income gladly in exchange.
I don't know if I'll ever be in a relationship. I suppose so, I'm only mid thirties. (and feeling younger than that, frankly!) And when I do, it'll be with someone that respects me and can give me the love that I need, and who will be able to appreciate the love and trust I have to give. Someone my daughter can get along with, who will respect my way of upbringing.
And I'll take it slowly. I went in head over heels last time, and that got me nowhere.
Easy does it.
But for now, I'm happier than I have been in a long time.
ArrrrchEnemy ArrrrchEnemy 31-35, F 31 Responses Mar 15, 2011

Your Response


Your entire story sounds like a smoke screen for your own shortcomings. Darling do have a good look in the mirror & maybe you'll understand why you were undermined as you called it. Also lose some of that flab & find out what self respect & self image are all about. When a woman marries she should accept the responsibility of being a wife & earn respect from her mate. The same applies to fathers & husbands.

Am a single dad if you do have a yahoo I'd add me michealtommy30

To give you guys an update:<br />
My daughter and I have been living by the two of us for over a year now. The situation with her dad has (kinda) stabilised. Her relationship with him is good. He's in a new relationship, started since two weeks after we broke up or so I'm told, and his new ladyfriend is nice to our daughter. That's basically all I need to know from their end.<br />
My daughter is less disrespectful now. She's almost eleven so she's nearing puberty and all the attitude that comes with it, but she's definately improved since first I wrote this story. <br />
She's got loads of friends. She's doing well in school, which I understand is also a parameter. Most importantly, she's happy. And that means all the world to me.

You will get there. You will experience new love. How are you doing on the moment?<br />

you are very inteligent ^^ :)

Sometimes it is best to be alone and raise your child as a single parent, you dont have to fight and argue with the dad in front of the kids. Making it work is not good enough, you want someone who will respect you and the children, you want someone who will be a positive influence on the children and a positive influence for you to as well, that is good that he is not completely out of your life. GOOD LUCK SINGLE MOM IN RAISING YOUR CHILD ALONE!!!!

I am a 27 years old office lady , mature and beautiful. and now i am seeking a good older man who can give me real love, So i got a username natalieashley <br />
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@ doyourbest: I find your comment thoughtless. You conveniently assume I made this decision lightly. I did not. I left because he was making me feel worse every day. <br />
Multiply that by seventeen years and that's a lot of misery. <br />
He was refusing to acknowledge our worsening relationship, blind to my anguish, and did not have a second thought before starting a row (meaning: screaming and shouting and calling me foul names) right in front of our daughter. He grew increasingly violent at me. Had I stayed with him, I know I would've ended up in hospital with half a year. And I don't mean for appendicitis.<br />
All in all, your comment is thoughtless, holds no real arguments (or sense), and just seems made sheerly for insulting... Talking of children...

There's really nothing I can add to either your post or what so many have shared in reply. I only say KUDOS to you. To know when it is time to leave a bad relationship behind and move on is difficult but worthy. I can hope you will in time find the right man to love and honor you, but patience is paramount, so be willing to wiat for that truth to come about before diving in. In the mean time please remember, even a single mother has needs, care after them as well.

Congratulations! Now we learned a lot about you you you ! Yes ,that was .....good to move out, a shame that you could not work it out with the male partner or vice versa,I always ask myself why Children make Children! ...but that's another day's story! Yes,I do think mid twenty is early to be a parent!!! But now it is all in your hands,you have decided,i am sure if we would check in 12 years we would be proud of you,what you think??<br />
enjoy your work work work and the fruits too!

great experience !!!<br />
great comments . we need more strong people like You . well done .<br />
I dont preach to people . but good luck You both deserve it . also great comments , there are some great people on this site thanks all xxx

All I can see is selfishness. In your story, you mention a mean Husband whom left you (For good reason, I'm now assured of). Brief inserts of having a child but all about what you'll do, how you'll cope and when writing, remember how you'll look if you don't remember to mention that kid you had with "him". Your little post does nothing but want for sympathy. Am I the only Female in the world seeing this? Whatever, lie to the public, lie to your child, lie to family...the only one staying up at night is you! A bit of relationship counseling goes a really really long way! <br />
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Ugh...It seems, he really did have good reason to leave you. You're selfish, you gripe too much and you hold the world against him when he fails to meet your high Priest standards. <br />
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Yes, I read that "you" left him. I Guarantee, he left you emotionally before you left him psychically. <br />
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Get your Child in counseling is all I can commend and do it fast!! That poor innocent Baby.

Thanks a lot for sharing...

Thanks for sharing. It isn't ever easy to deal with those who cannot respect you. I do have to say though that the outer world is only reflecting back to us what we feel about ourselves. So if you desire someone who will give you the love and respect that you deserve, you have to give this to yourself first. Certainly leaving him and becoming independent is a good first step, so congratulate yourself. The next thing is to find things that really make you feel fantastic and concentrate on those things--no matter what. This will bring joy to your cells and you'll be responsible for this joy--noone else. This will have the affect of drawing into your world someone who relects this same love and joy of self--which is the kind of relationship you really want. Just wanted to share here. Blessings...

To be honest I would be afraid to be a single parent in the place I live in. this WHY you this why......

I was so glad to read that you allowed your daughter to see her father after you had broken up with him. My late Mother pushed us as far away from our father as she could. One day in the four years he was in the same city as us I approached him as we were walking by where he was selling newspapers in front of a restaurant. My Mother pulled me by the arm and said " I told you I don't want you talking to your father". I never forgot that incident. I watched a NE Patrioots game at my fathers room at a rooming house downtown. Then in 1975 I watched the Red Sox in the World Series with him at a local Hotel. That was a good time for the both of us.

That's great, Single Mom. However, I'd like to hear his side.<br />
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Lots of love

I can relate to your story. Two months ago I too became a single mother after breaking up with my daughter's dad. It really is better to be alone than to be unhappy.

Peace be on you sister.

I like your post and I have a few similarities in my life. Unfortunately though, unlike you, I have never been able to be independent every since I had children (2). Prior to having children though, I was very independent. But after my first child, I have never been able to bounce back (which of course makes me look bad to people who love to judge others when they can't relate). Not being independent leaves you a position where people (any one helping you get by) can have nooses around your neck and makes it very hard to focus on getting your life straight (too much stress when "help" is accompanied with judgment not encouragement or support). I admire you and look forward to the day when I can say that I am an independent single woman. (BTW, I have no interest in hooking up with a guy until I am independent).

i think i like you saying " Ill take it slowly" and i will too. thanks

i think i like you saying " Ill take it slowly" and i will too. thanks

Well put, and well done.<br />
<br />
I also agree that a child living primarily with one balanced parent versus a home with two fighting, imbalanced parents is a far better environment for that child. Statistics are beginning to support that as well.<br />
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As long as you keep your feelings about your daughter's father to yourself and do not try to get her to feel the same way about him as you do, nor use her as a weapon against her father (or allow him to do the same) and afford them both ample opportunity for visitation and contact, there really is nothing more you can do to support that relationship.<br />
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best wishes! take care, good luck! i wish i was as brave as you...

Excellent post. It takes a lot of courage to to make the decision you did. Yes it may be extremely difficult sometimes and may even be lonely missing another adult to share things with. I am very sure if you maintain the love you have for yourself and your child you will find some one who values your independence and courage. I am sure you will not settle for a partner who does not hold you to the high standards you have set for your self. Being single after 40 yrs of marriage i truly understand the joys of being single and freedom that comes with it. Have never been lonely and see no reason to go there. Stand your ground as to what you want and again congratulations on the choice you made.

Dear Single Mother: The concensus of opinion is that you did the right thing --- and I certainly have to agree.<br />
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Far better that your daughter lves with you (obviously loving, concerned and caring) --- than live in a household wherein the parents are at odds with each other.<br />
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Sometimes, children are known to blame themselves for the fact that their parents don't get along.<br />
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It should be made clear to her that it certainly is not her fault --- and just because you and her father don't get along anymore, does not mean that either of you love her less. And she needs to know that.<br />
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I wish you the best of luck ---- you're an impressive and strong person. Stay that way. You'll get through this and so will your daughter.<br />
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I can really identify with you. My own father was no true husband and no true father. Until I was 14 we livedunder the shadow cast by his moods and capricious behaviour. Then he left. For mum and me it was not the end, but a new beginning. The best news we could have had. We picked up the pieces, moved to a new place to live and began to move forward.<br />
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It was easy really, my mum didnt have to make the break. That you did took real courage, but surely it was right for you both. Well done!

You might be your own hero...and your daughters because youve taught her the most important lesson in life of self respect :)

wow! you are a very strong woman, with a very touching story and i really admire the courage and conviction to fight for the change you deserve in life. many people chicken out believing that it will be too complicated to leave . good lucck and congratulations! and i hope that everything works out for you. :)

I see a beautiful new Relationship around the age of 37, you've never given your age, but something happens around that time and give you plenty of time to Cope, Reestablish your relationship as a parent to be respected by your daughter as she matures, and I also see you getting help from spiritual counseling, This is where the biggest change will emerge. I totally agree of which you speak, Your experiences are just that, Experiences, without it, You've couldn't have blossom into the Lotus of wisdom you are today. You always been on the right track, It has gotten you much more then a page worth can explain, I respect your honesty. Now keep on the path no matter what, it will lead you where you need to be. Thank You for sharing! brightest blessings~