Dear "single Dads".First, I should preface this by pointing out that I put the words "Single Dads" in quotations. The reason for this will be explained shortly, but I don't want anyone to think that I'm making a blanketed remark about all single fathers. I know that there are some single parent dads out there that are exemplary and should be credited for all they're doing for their children without the help of their childrens other parent.
[Edit: Since writing this story, I've come to see a completely different side of the "daddy" story and I have shared my thoughts here: EP Link -- Please read it.. because there are a lot of dads who deserve the utmost respect and admiration for fighting against all the odds to be in their childrens lives. God bless you guys!]
Dear "Single Dads",
I'm writing you this letter to address a concern that I have. For your information, single parenthood does not mean that you are a single person (romantically speaking) who has children. No. It means that you are a parent who, for all intents and purposes, is raising your children on your own without the day to day help of the other parent. Even if you're a father who happens to be paying his child support and seeing his children on the usual "every other weekend" or "every Wednesday" schedule, if you are not the parent that the children are living with on a day to day basis, then you should not really classify yourself as a single parent. Why? Because the children are actually being cared for (in the physical sense) by the other parent. That isn't to say that you're not a good dad. But by giving yourself the title of "Single Father" when you present yourself to a female, you are implying that you are the main caregiver to your children and if this isn't the truth, you shouldn't be saying it.
The last post I wrote on this group plays hand in hand with this one because my ex uses this ploy to meet single moms that he thinks are attractive. He'll tell them he's a "single dad" when actually, he is not. He has neither seen my daughter since she was born, nor has he paid a penny of child support for her, yet because he has spawned a child, he uses it as a means of appealing to women who have children. The fact that men pull this kind of thing is absolutely revolting to me as a woman, a mother and a human being.
But my ex is not the only man who does this. Lots of men do it, and only moments ago, I was approached by yet another man who opened dialogue with me by trying to pass himself off as a single father. When I asked him what he meant by that, he stated that he had two children that he doesn't get to see much because of his evil ex but that he has joint custody with her, etc. So I asked him how he was a single father then when it is actually the childs mother who tends to the childrens day to day wellbeing and care? His reply? -- Nothing. He had no reply. I'm pretty sure he was expecting what a lot of men who use this ploy to get girls expect and that is to be patted on the back for being a "single dad". But no.. I refuse to pat someone on the back for having had sex and impregnated another human being. That act in and of itself makes you only a biological father.. not a single dad.
To me, the title of "single parent" is one that should inspire respect and admiration because it is a difficult job and to do it well takes a lot of personal sacrifice. But to the rest of you, be you female or male, if you are throwing the term around flippantly for the sake of making yourself more appealing to the opposite sex when you're not actually the one *making* those sacrifices on your own? Well just know that at least one woman on the planet isn't falling for it.
.. And if any of this applies to you, you should be ashamed of yourself. Feel free to get a grip on reality.
Intelligently 31-35, F 44 Responses 27 Apr 3, 2011