Please Don't Be "that" Mom.Latest: When last I updated this story, I had just sent off my evaluation form. Well, I'm so pleased to report that my friends husband sent me an email last night to inform me that the custody evaluator has ruled in his favor! What a blessing and answer to so many prayers! We expect the judge to rule according to the evaluators suggestion to place the child with her father, bringing a happy end to this very long and difficult journey. I couldn't be happier for them. Sometimes, the good guys DO win! :)
[Update: My evaluation form has been completed and sent off to be delivered to the lawyer and parenting evaluator. My friend felt that the information I provided was exactly what the evaluator needed to see so I'm praying that it helps to reunite him with his child very soon. In the meantime, I know he would also appreciate any prayers from those who read this, as this process has worn him down dramatically and he's still got a ways to go.]
Today and for the past two years, I have been doing whatever I could do to help out a friend. Ironically, this "friend" is the husband of my once "best friend" and there was a time when he did not at all care to have me around, much less seek me out for advice, but the tables have definitely made a dramatic turn these days.
The person I am writing this story about is someone that I met in Bible College and our friendship was one that I grew to cherish even though she and I were always very different in some fundamental ways. To put it bluntly, my once "best friend" was a gold digger. She was one of those females who always felt that men were put on this earth to please her and to provide her with her hearts desire. Her body, her looks, her "everything" was never given to men as a gift but more as an incentive. She seduced them and she took from them, but she never gave. To her, men were (and still are) merely a means to an end.
We often had debates when it came to the topic of men. She claimed that she had been "raped" at an early age and this is what had warped her view of men. Me? I had experienced my own fair share of abuse from the men in my life but I still had my head in the clouds when it comes to love. We were two opposite (unhealthy) extremes when it came to the subject of men and in the end, it is what ended our friendship.
You see, I never agreed that men were to be used as "toys" or that a woman's love should be sold to the highest bidder. But when my friend met her husband on a dating site some years ago, I was happy to see her "happy". Her new beau had the financial means to give her a comfortable life and he was older so he was very much her type in that way as well. Still, she never claimed to love him. To her, he was a necessary evil. Someone who was put on earth to bow to her every whim and well, he loved her.. so that is exactly what he did.
About three years ago, however, my friend began talking to me of leaving her husband. Her reasons? His nearly 100k a year (according to what she told me of his income) was no longer enough. The nearly 7k sq. ft. home he provided her with was no longer enough. She felt that 10,000 sq. ft. of home was more suited for her and she believed that he should be providing her with money to blow on things like plastic surgery to improve those parts of her body that she felt needed a little pick-me-up.
I was disgusted. We met in Bible College, remember? So when she asked for my input, I advised my dear friend that she did not have legitimate grounds (Biblically) to divorce her husband and I urged her to do whatever she needed to do to help save her marriage. Instead, my friend set about creating a plan to not only leave her husband but to clean out his bank account and even his retirement funds. The worst of all, however, was the fact that she meant to take his child away from him.. and although her husband and I did not get along whatsoever at that time, he was by far the more doting, loving and attentive parent of the two and I did not want to see her deprive her daughter of that.
When she finally told me of her plans to (essentially) destroy this poor mans life, regardless of how he felt about me, I had to let him know. I stood up to my friend and informed her that I could not stand by silently and allow her to steal her husbands child away from him just because she didn't want to have to deal with him anymore after she found a wealthier replacement. That effectively ended our friendship and to make matters worse, when I did go to her husband, he didn't believe me.
Well, a couple of years ago, I received a very sad and apologetic email from my friends husband. She had taken the children and left him. She had filed false reports of abuse against him in order to prevent him from seeing his child. She had moved on with another man and yet along with all of the other false accusations, she was accusing her husband of cheating on her. I felt horrified for him. Horrified that I had ever called this woman my friend. Horrified that I hadn't done more to prevent their little girls life from being ripped out from under her so that her mom could "upgrade" her husband. And now, after a very long and ugly divorce, I am doing whatever I can to help her husband in his attempts to get physical custody of the child.
Women like the one I have described in this story should not exist, but sadly, they do. Becoming a mother should prevent this kind of abuse of taking place but all I can say is that obviously, it doesn't. Some women, for whatever reason, lack the conscience to do right by the men they marry or the children they bring into the world. I believe now (looking back) that my friend is a sociopath. She may never take a life in the physical sense but in the emotional sense, she has already killed many for the sake of her vanity and greed and she does not show any signs whatsoever of remorse. In fact, she still fancies herself a "Christian" woman.
I like to hope that most women wouldn't do the things that my friend has done and is currently doing. I like to hope that most women have the ability to see past their own feelings, caring more for the feelings of their offspring and behaving in a way that will make their childs lives better instead of worse. But the fact is that there are all too many women in the world who enjoy playing the "victim" in unnecessary divorces and using their children exactly as they use the other people in their lives -- as pawns.
Men are never completely guiltless in a divorce situation but children should never be taken away from a loving parent, regardless of how sour the marriage ends. So before I go back to filling out a parenting evaluation to give to the custody evaluator in my friends case, I just wanted to get this off my chest.
Motherhood can be a beautiful, wondering, amazing thing. But please, ladies..
Don't be "that" kind of mom.