Broke Up With Abusive Boyfriend And 7wks Preg

I feel so alone and scared... I'm going back and forth in my mind trying to decide what to do..l want this baby almost positive he doesn't any longer bc I broke up with for hitting me. I want a family for this baby and for myself is it selfish for me to still want to bring this baby into the world when I do not want to be with my x any longer, we were together for 3years on and off he tells me if we're not happy together and are breaking up why have this baby? Is he right
Mel08901 Mel08901
9 Responses May 9, 2012

Hi, hope you have had some time to think and find some calm in this tough situation. <br />
<br />
I left an abusive marriage to parent alone. It was much better than letting the child be around abuse, because the environment is just not good for kids. <br />
<br />
Not sure your thoughts on the adoption option? Sometimes it's just not practical, through timing or circumstances to give a child what it needs. Maybe you can't face being a parent right now, but what if there's a family out there who you'd feel could help you - who would give the child what you would like him/ her to have - a family, security, love, etc.<br />
<br />
Take time to think it through. Could your family be willing to help support you? Is there a history of abuse in your own family that led you to be with an abuser? Do you have low self-esteem that needs healing? <br />
<br />
As a single mum I often wished I'd adopted my child out, because it required a lot of giving and strength, which was hard, as I love to be alone. But some of my hesitation was due to stress, depression, my own bad upbringing and tiredness. You can find ways to work through your issues, but it takes time and commitment. I have spiritual faith which gives me a boost. There are good lessons and lots of personal growth in parenting, but it's not for everyone. <br />
<br />
If you know you aren't committed or it's not the right time, then maybe adoption might be your solution. <br />
<br />
What might also help is to meet with a support group and some counselling for abused women. Because you're not alone.<br />
<br />
: )

I am going to write this and I know there may be flak. You do not know what to do, you are not sure wheather or not to have this child. Don't do it unless you have a really good job and are mentally stable. I know people tend to date abuser over again. I'm not sure if it was once or if you have been being abused for a while. If it was a while you may be attracted to losers. Do not continue to date those men that you are usually attracted to. If you do not have a good job or degree. Get your life together and then think about having a child. I hear everyone saying its hard but worth it. Once the child is here you will love the baby so much and wont be able to fathom life with out her. But hard is a word used lightly. It is brutal. You will want to cry for not having a father for her, you will have to call out from work and risk being fired unless your family is willing to help. I have very little help. There is goverment assistance but when they get a little older it stops. You will be so paranoid to date again because child molestors are everywhere and can be anyone. Your freedom gone. Who will watch the baby so you can go out, will you have the money, what if the baby requires extra medical attention. I tell you from experience I have one and I plan on having no more unless I am married I will not let any ***** near my eggs. They leave and pay very little in child support. You will be left with the bag. Don't forget if you put them on childsupport they will have you back and forth to court. OMG the crap I have been through. At least I stopped at one and trust me I was prego 3 more times by him the piece of crap. I know I was part to blame. Abortion is not an ideal choice but it may have to be the choice.

Hard but so true.

My ex left me in my 3rd trimester and i pretty much get through last 2 mths of pregnancy, childbirth and caring for a newborn without him. Yes it is tough and there are times when am very depressed but it is not impossible. Especially if you have the support of your family and friends. My son is now 7 years old and is the pride and joy of my life. <br />
If you really want this child, this is motivation enough for you to keep him/her. And no it is not selfish to want a child and not be able to give him/her a family. This guilt should be borne by your ex for turning his back on you both, not yours.

Follow your heart ! I am a single mom of 3 children 3abusive relationships and I'm also a birth mother of an open adoption to conclude with almost 10 years of abstinence. If I had waited for mr. right I'd have no family for this reason I have no regrets. It's scary hard at times overwhelming but well worth it. If you decide you can't open adoption is the greatest feeling I picked my parents whom were awesome people that deserved a baby. I will pray for you as no matter what you decide you are the one who has to live with it!

I am 26 years old and am a single mother of 2 beautiful daughters!!!! Of course its not easy, but you can get through it!! I was in a very abusive relationship and I decided enough was enough,, I dont recievwe child support, and I dont live off of welfare!!>>> It can be done, life is full of so many opportunities and your child deserves a chance,, I thought about abortion with my second child, but hell no it wasnt what I wanted it was what the other ppl wanted for me>> I am so glad that I didnt and yes its just me and my girls but I wouldnt ask for more,,, Best of luck to you,, god bless

dont let ppl scare u. yes its going to be hard (i have 3) but you did the right thing if he was abusing you who can say he wont do the same to the child. go to ur state dfcs office n they will help you get started.

In British law he lost his right to take the child away for visits when he hit you as he may be a danger to the child. Its hard bringing a child up alone but there is help out there and its better than being trated as a punch bag, once a hitter always a hitter id say, id rather be a single parent than be treated bad, im getting on fine but its not easy but lifes not easy as we have to work at it.<br />
Im sure youd make a great mum, he will probaly want into your life and if you are tempted why not a Contact Center?

My mother was in a similar situation when she was pregnant with me. Im glad she didnt get an abortion or I would not be here today. She did put me up for adoption and I was taken in by a wonderful family who gave me so much love and attention. I met her recently for the first time and I understand. I dont blame her, I thank her because I ended up with such a great family. Hope this helps

Can you raise a baby alone? You know its going to be hard and he has the right to take the child for visits. Can you support a child (you'll need about +30,000 a year ). Know your life is over because nothing matters but the child. And last you will have to see your ex in the child everyday.