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Single Mom Question

Should a mother encourage/teach her son in self pleasure when the time is right?
melissa206 melissa206 26-30, F 100 Responses Jun 5, 2012

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My response will apply regardless of the gender of the parent as well as the child. If the two are of opposite gender or same gender really does not matter at all.


Should you encourage or teach? Well that really depends upon the mentality and how puritanical the person you are asking.


I personally do not think that there is any harm with this, psychologically, emotionally, physically, morally or legally as long as it is that there are some boundaries that are respected.


I do not think that you should demonstrate how you do it, how men do it with a male or with a prop of some kind. I do not think that there should be any touching of another person at all sexually when there is a child involved.


I do however think that you should talk with him about this and explain to him that it is perfectly normal to do this and that this is something that is private. That he should do so only while in his bedroom with the door closed or in the bathroom. Not at all out in the open. For if he were to do this outside of the house and get caught, he could get into serious trouble.

yes, best if taught by parent as opposed to friends at school.

I feel, he'll learn it himself. just when you figure out he is having those kinds of troubles help him out. it'll be very useful!

No. He will figure it out when he needs too.
It is great to have an open and unashamed relationship with your child but you can't expect to do everything together !

How will you know when the time is right? Probably when he gets a hard on seeing you naked ;)

I had parents that found behavior like that to be extremely wrong. My younger sister was caught once and my mother beat her and then humiliated her in front of the family for it. While my older sister and I felt bad because we saw nothing wrong with it only to also get in trouble because we didn't agree with my mother. If we had been given the freedom to enjoy ourselves freely, I honestly think that would have prevented us from being so sneaky and resenting our parents as much as we did. We were made to feel like anything that had to do with our bodies and sex was a sin.

I'm sorry to hear that, Keribaby. I think your Mom was way off

Wow... no offense. But your mom needs some serious counseling!!! Beating your kids for doing something that comes naturally to everyone???? How twisted is that?

Yeah, she didn't feel that way.

Yes indeed

Encourage? No. But do not discourage...ever.

He should be able to figure it out. Are you thinking about helping him?

He should be able to figure it out. Are you thinking about helping him?

He should be able to figure it out for himself really.

If he can't figure it out for himself take him to someone that specializes in severe learning disabilities.

Hi Mellisa I am Joe 50 please add me..

As to your question I say yes you should be able to help your child with self pleasuring showing him that doing it is normal and he should not feel ashamed when he does. I can explain more when we chat

I think that a parent should teach their children about all aspects of sex just as one would teach them to ride a bicycle. If you can it might be good to teach by example. The kids are going to learn from some one but you have the option to give a quality education. Compare that to the back seat of some car!

have you taught him anything yet or spoken to him about it

Ew! I don't even want to think about it.

I would say yes. Who could be a better teacher than you, his mother? You would have no ulterior motive. That can not be said about the majority of his peers.

me thinks that this is a fake profile. No mother would ask such a ****** up question. Melissa206 is some creepy dude posing as a woman.

I think the question should be do you want to teach him

I wouldn't say teach is the right word. I would tell him that it's a normal thing done in the privacy of his bedroom. And give him a box of tissues and some mild lotion or lube.

No - he'll figure it out on his own.
You can help him by guiding him on how young women think, how to socialize with them, etc.

It is perfectly acceptable to TEACH. It is not acceptable to demonstrate or participate. Such an event can all too easily become an imprinting event in your son's life and could interfere with his adult sexual health and his ability to form relationships with other women when he reaches adulthood.

I talked to my sons about ************, sex relationships, sexual and relationship responsibility, alternative sexual practices, etc.

Do NOT act selfishly by involving yourself sexually with your son.

He will find out about self pleasure on his own, trust me.. Just don't discourage it, unless he is doing it in inappropriate scenarios

absolutely - it is a natural thing..

<p>NO! please PLEASE do not engage in such folly. You seem like a wonderful mom. If you see spotted sheets or soiled sleepwear do not draw attention to it. Even if you come across him giving pleasure to himself. Don't cause added embarrassment to him. If he asks questions let him know that its a natural feeling. To be exercised in privacy. After all I am sure you do not want him around if your are giving yourself pleasure. As a mother myself I find it hard to imagine a mother even asking a question like this. </p>

He will probbably figure it out for himself.

I would encourage you to teach your son about sex at an early age. This can start by having him understand his own body and how to please himself. I grew up in a religious house and could not talk to my parents about sex. I met my wife in college and she taught me everything....although in her perspective (this is another story). I was 18 when I first pleased myself...and no, the devil did not come a take me away. Today, with the proliferation of the internet and free ****, educating children as they enter adolescences is important. If you read the "my first *******" stories here on EP, there are kids doing oral as young as 12/13. I'm in shock when I read some of these stories.
So, in my opinion, start with self pleasuring and make him feel he can come to you with any question. My daughter used to ask me any question and I gave her straight answers. And not in medical talk either, in actual words seen on the internet. However, I realized that I did not know much about the internals of the vulva and even I learned a lot.

I think it is something that would be good for him when the time is right. Learning and exploring in a safe environment where any question can be asked. You will aways have his trust and he will never be shy about coming to you with questions or problems.

yes I think she should talk to him abt it

I am 22 and grow up with a single mom . She caught me with a **** magazine 1 time and wen I was 14 and she me how to **** .

Was it a hands on instruction from her?

No encouragement needed.

Yes hes going to nred help learning

Definitely yes. A mothers guidance in jacking off is great. He will probably want you to jack him off all the time. You could teach him how to finger your ***** and make you ***. After that you can take it to the next step and do oral on each other.

My mom scolded my when she caught me. Not the right thing to do. When you "accidentally" catch him ************, let him know it's natural. Encourage him to enjoy himself. Also a good idea to tell him to slow down a bit for better enjoyment.

why not? so natural thing more teach

I think, at an appropriate time, it is ok for you to let him know there is nothing wrong with him doing it but there is no need for you to encourage him or teach him how.

It has been a while since you posted this question. What did you decide to do?

Yes.

I don't think teaching will be necessary, I figured it out on my own as I'm sure many guys did. It's probably a good idea to let him know its ok to do privately.

I was raised by a single mom who did this and it may be awkward, but yes, you should teach him. You may be the only appropriate one to guide him at that point if you don't have a brother who can teach him.

hecks naw! what u thinkin??? teach him sex ed or school based sex ed. self pleasure? i'm sure he'll discover plenty of that on his own. what would you say?

I think if you can have an open relationship like that do it. He and his lovers will be better off for it. We are too repressed including as a society including myself, but wish it was different.

as long as it isnt forced on any one

i hope i can ask this question, but do you want too show him, and if you do how would you

I dont see that theres anything wrong with it. I have 2 boys 16 and 14 and would have happily shown them and we talk about there changing bodies nudity is never a problem.
I think he will definatly find out hmself but I think if your open and honest with him thats a great way to be. also have you thought of letting him"catch" you doing it? not that i think that you should but if he sees his mum enjoying herself it would certainly let him know that its not wrong or weird to self pleasure.
would be great to have you as a friend happliy share some of my teenagers events with you

No not under any circumstances.
Never force any developmental milestone.
In this case you could be arrested for sexual molestation and lose the child to the foster system forever.

Absolutely - its natural - and better to learn right, from you, than from the neighbors kids.

Yep she should do so when the time is right because not only will it benefit the son a lot when it comes to his sex ed but he will be more open about his personal and sexual feelings to his mother who in reality is also his very first teacher and guide in life.

I would say yes to that question as self pleasure is one of the most natural things in the world. I grew up in an age when sex was a taboo subject so I would encourage anyone to share their knowledge with their children.

I think you should at least mention it and let him know it is ok to do it.

I think he can figure it out for himself. Kinda comes naturally.

If you are an open minded mom and not afraid of your own and his sexuality. Its a bit taboo...but not unheard of...smiles

If you don't mind turning him on to you ... go for it!! He may want more than your gentle touch.

No!
Remember George kastanza in Seinfeld?
His mom? Lol
Seriously, encourage an uncle or bf to help!

the other thing you should ask yourself is what happens if he wants to take it further, would you let him **** you, again I was lucky my sister did lol

hi and thanks for asking this question, I can only speak from a males point of view I would have loved my mother to show me how to play with my ****, I was lucky my sister showed me instead

I think that she should! I wish my mom had. :)

He will or has figure out how to do it himself but you can be sure he knows its a good healty thing. Also that there are more than one way to do it.

I think you should. If you guys see eachother naked any way there's a good chance someone is going to walk in on someone ************ lol

He'll discover on his own.
But be able to discuss with him, as he'll certainly have questions.

i wish my mom had. instead, i was taught how to ********** by our family doctor at age 12. i have never liked male doctors since....

I dont think so. I feel like "teaching" as you say could be very damaging to his adult life. I believe boys figure it out on their own, and maybe around 13-14 if they do not have a male role model in their lives you can ask them if theres any questions they mayt have?

You won't have to. If he hasn't already figured it out for himself, he soon will.

He won't need any guidance.... I figured it out myself @ 5

No need to teach him he will figure it out for himself. Nature steps in and takes over.

its a duty of a parent to teach a child what is necessary when the time is right! be it anyway or anything :)

I don't know... I have two boys of 10 and 7yo and still bathe with them. Someone says don't care and go on, someone says to stop because the older one is too grown up to bath with me

My mom used to bathe my sister and I together and sometimes all three of us together in the shower untill we were 7/8, then we shared the bath room through high school, nudity was never an issue.

yes she should. if you want to teach your son teach him. you can show him with your hands and if he wants to explore you let him explore your body. nothiing wrong with that.

I don't think so, let them explore sexuality by them selves

Yes take it slow and put it in words that you are sure we will understand but why not, if he as seen you nekd then also encourage that as well the more he sees you topless or nude the more accustomed he will be to it and he wont freak out when he sees another girl his age he will act more normal ask him what he knows already and encouarge him when the time is right and maybe you can explain things if he need some assiatnce in that area

My aunt told me about ************ when I was 13y/o. I was over at her house and we were alone in the house an she ask me if I had ever seen my pee pee hard? I said no what does that mean? she said well drop your pants and I'll show you. So I did and she put her hand on my penis and started pulling on it really hard and with the other hand rolled my little bird egg balls around in the sack,soon my penis was hard and she stopped and said look at it it is so big. She said now lets see if there is any milk inside your penis and she proceeded to jerk me off. Soon my head was spinning and something strange was crawling around inside my penis,soon I was squirting out drops of white fluid,she said now you finish it up and let me watch. Well I pulled it a few more times and my penis started to skrink and it felt really good! Thanks aunt Dot!!

I just laughed my *** off! Thanks for bringing a little humor to my day with your hard "pee pee" and "little bird eggs balls" and "milk inside your penis"!

I think if you are open and up front with your son, and he is comfortable talking to you about any subject, he will ask questions when the time is right. I would not encourage you to take the initiative to show him anything, but be honest and open when he asks you about ************.<br />
<br />
My parents never talked about sex with or my siblings, as far as I know; I was left to learn from friends or where ever I could. Not the ideal way..<br />
<br />
Keep up the good work with your son!

she shoulld teach....and allow him to actually know what a woman prefers

I know you are asking the question but how do you feel about it??

i am just wanting to see how other single mothers would handle this situation...

How old is your son??

I just read all the responses and there seems a definite divide between the men the womnen's responses.<br />
<br />
I don't want to embarrass myself here but screw it ... she asked a legitimate question.<br />
<br />
I never was taught.<br />
At some point I started getting hard ons.<br />
I remember then getting worse and worse as time went by to the point of keeping me up at night.<br />
I would actually give up sleeping and sneek downstairs or even go outside.<br />
I remember once trying to cool my errection off in the cool dewcovered grass which I thought might ease the hot swelling. Maybe I was an oddity. I don't know.<br />
I touched it. I ****** the pillow or the mattress at night even before I knew what ******* was but the motion can natural as it rubbed the penis andfelt good.<br />
It itched and burned and throbbed every night. I would touch it lightly. It sent shivers through my body when I did.<br />
I remeber trying to cool it off in a glass of ice water but obviously couldn't as it stood straight up. I tried to get my balls in it but they were up pretty tight too by that time that night.<br />
<br />
So here is what happened eventually. I was a kid so we always had mesical stuff around like Vasiline for chapped this or that. I got the bright idea to see how a little of that would feel on my aching hard on and WOW. The slipperyness was like nothing I had ever felt before. I almost started convulsing. I did it a little more and stopped because I didn't know what was happening to me. This stop and start happened for a little bit until suddenly I was convulsing wildly and my **** started convulsing on its own. Then it spit this goo out which scared the **** out of me. I thought for sure it was spitting out the Vasiline I must have pushed into it. I couldn't understand that at all and didn't want to tell anyone so I didn't. I was embarrassed of hard ons and didn't want anyone to know.<br />
<br />
OK so a couple of years later it was old hat and I knew what was going on but I was confused for a long time and suffered at night every night until I had figured it out.<br />
<br />
So I am thinking maybe buy him a book. The book I got did not cover 'how to ********** so that you can get to sleep and releive that errection' nor did it cover 'you will have convulsions and *** will spit out like a fire hose and it is alright that it does.'<br />
<br />
I didn't edit this so if it is written poorly it is because I jsut typed it straight in.

I am not sure of the answer tothis question but I often wonder how single Moms address this issue. Some how I would think he would have to figure it out or he would explode.<br />
<br />
Myself, I figured it out by accident and was quite confused about what was happening fora long time.

Yes, Melissa206. Although most of the human world hasn't needed any assistance in this regard, not all boys or girls mature in time with mother nature's biological clock.<br />
To people purportedly concerned about incestuous molesting: Go have a good **** you fucktards, it's you and your twisted insular minds that blow things way out of proportion.<br />
If one considers that close familial ****** has been occurring since day one, it can't be doing all that much damage to society as a whole. There are multitudinal reasons why people become screwed-up. Just look at all the disfunctioning individuals out there, their disfunctionial families creating all the more human disaster-areas, and so on and so on. <br />
Each of us can conjur up more than just one example. Hell, I don't really need to look real far and wide myself.<br />
A caring, loving mother that presents the facts ("-- just the facts, ma-am") and dare-I-say-it, even a giggling, light-hearted intro to a hand-job for her boy (like about to drop dead from terminal embarressment, oh-no!) can't truthfully be compared to a sicko predatory molester.<br />
Certainly any child with real knowledge of what certain body parts are for, and just what to expect pre/during/post puberty is far less an easier prey for sickos of either gender, inside the family or no.<br />
The woman who, with the help of a few million happy tadpoles, literally made a child inside of her, does not/can not end her close physical ties just because of marks on a calendar, or societies arbitrary, ever-changing moral codes. Nor should she, but the societal engineering,<br />
throughout western cultures at least since the seventies, has given the anally-retentive, tub-thumping New Puritans the opportunity the ability to cloak themselves under the banner of child protection.<br />
Fellas (sorry Melissa, I'm grandstanging here), have a heart-to-heart with yourselves, and ask all your mates if they wouldn't have preferred an intro to the subject by their mum, even without considering the ****** fantasies that seem common to both sexes.<br />
There is an important physical issue also, that is rarely spoken of: penile intra-adhesion. <br />
Now you'd reckon that with all the fiddling that little boys do with their little dickies, that the foreskin and outer skin on the shaft is never in one spot long enough for skin (no pun) and penile tissue adhesion to occur. Go checkout the surgeries that are performed within suburban clinics, on grown men, even up to middle age. Now, young jew boys don''t like a circumsiscion at 12, what about when you're 32, or 52!<br />
Bad enough fellas, if it is lower down the shaft. If a little bloke is ignorant of his body, and no<br />
inspections get carried out correctly (all those disfunctioning families, remember), it can happen that adhesion occurs all the way to his penis-glans (knob, if you don't speak Latin). If<br />
so, it's likely that come the pubescent growth-spurt, nothing much is happening downstairs (and who's he gonna talk to about it?), so the poor little bloke can have still just his little dickie to be ashamed of for the rest of his miserable existence. Who would condemn an innocent victim to such a potential result? Just about any of the wowser-turds that will condemn Melissa for even asking the question. Once again, we all know at least one.<br />
But, size doesn't matter!, some considerate women say. BULL-FARKING-SHI7! (wasn't sure what I'd get away with, ha)<br />
Given that it is almost a public stoning offence in todays society, near any poor bloke would end up with a complex if having less than the mandatory knee-bruiser seen in stick-movies!<br />
Did my mum help me Melissa? No, but it would be fine if the poor, poor woman had been able to even broach the subject, let alone explain things!<br />
Given the abuses suffered (not necessarily sexual) from birth to age 36, she found that sort of thing impossible. I found out after my aunt told me, 21 years after mum died.<br />
I hope you're not waiting for a sob-story after that. I found enough to cause an (involuntary)<br />
gag-reflex, but sadly, the girls just aren't queuing up!<br />
Good-onyer Melissa, for being a caring enough mum to ask that question.<br />
Regards, Johno.<br />
<br />
p.s., what did the bloke with the stumpy little **** reply to the rough harlot challenging him as he dropped his strides, "Who'd yer reckon's gonna have any fun with that thing!, ay?".<br />
Bloke, "Me, now shut-up and suck!" Oh, I'm just an intrangiscent male chauvinist, ay?

definitely encourage i dont know about teaching them though that might not be too correct

Yes!

I don't think this is something that has to be taught. I discovered it on my own as I assume most of us do. ************ is a natural thing that we seem to discover at our own pace. If you were to discover your child ************ I think it is important to not make them feel ashamed or scold them, but assure them that it a normal thing that most people do, and that it is private and should be done privately. I don't think most kids want to talk to their parents about ************, and I don't see any reason to bring the subject up unless he comes to you with questions.

Yes you should. He should be know it is a natural part of life. You can teach him where it is safe. If you have a friend who could come over about you his age. They could learn fom each other. Either male or female.

If your question involves sexually stimulating your son, then the answer is no. Doing so would do great damage to him and his ability to function sexually as an independent male later in life. He will sexually fixate on you, his mother. That is NOT a good idea.<br />
<br />
On the other hand, you should talk with him about ************ in this context -- it is normal, almost everyone does it, it feels good, and later in life it can be a great supplement to a normal sexual life that involves his loving partners. You should make sure he knows that it is not something about which to be embarrassed but is considered by most to be a "private" activity, outside of his sexual relationships with others. Mutual ************ can be part of a sex life.<br />
<br />
You also should teach him that when self-pleasuring, as in sex itself, it should be done in a safe environment where you do not have to rush. Our bodies learn from experience. If a boy learns to rush to *********** through ************, chances are he will also be a "premature ejaculator" later when he has sex. He needs to know this before he programs his body. Additionally, extending the pleasure for as long as possible, and learning to delay the ***********, what is known as edging, can result in far more intense and massive *******. It pays to be patient.<br />
<br />
Finally, you also need to talk with him about relationships and how men and women, boys and girls, think of sex differently. He needs to learn to be a considerate man and a considerate lover, to always ensure his lover receives the pleasure and the outcome she deserves and that he needs to be careful of girls feelings. Girls bond through sex, boys do not necessarily bond through sex.<br />
<br />
Yes, I did have these conversations with both of my sons as they grew up, as they were ready for them.

I honestly do not feel you should have an active role in your son's sexual experiences. I do think you should be open about ************ and if you should happen upon the act itself or even the evidence that it occured then try not to act surprised and explain that it is a natural ex<x>pression and is actually a healthy release. It is, however, something that is normally not flaunted. I'd like to hear how this all pans out.

No no no......please do not. It will kill him and embarass him to death. He will figure it out on his own. Be there for him with any questions about sex, and let him ask without embarassement but do instruct him. <br />
<br />
When you start seeing your hand lotion going faster than what you thought you had been using and showers become a little longer for him, you'll know everything is okay. He'll be just fine. That's not a line you need to step over to be a good mother. <br />
<br />
JMHO<br />
<br />
Snakedoctor1 (once was an adolescent boy)

yes you should..its a time of bonding and being open with him..and will make him feel that he can be open with you and talk to you about anything..my mom showed me..even when hands on a couple of times..it was very special to me and always made me feel close to her and able to talk to her about anything..not to mention i felt free to ********** when ever i wanted and never felt bad about it..i she walked into a room when i was ************ it was no big thing..i just kept at it..then later she might tell me how nice my **** looked and how big it was getting which always made me feel really good about myself..those types of experiences made me feel like i could be totally real, and open with her

He will learn that on his own and you will not even know when it happens. You need to lay the ground work for stright sex talk and be ready for shocking questions with being emberased by them and give the best answer posable. He and any another childern you may have need to know that the true answers about sex are at home not on the street.

Its a natural instinctive thing to do. I think he will figure it out for himself. Certainly if he asks you for advice....

Why not ....go for it ....

If they mom looked like you, hell yes.

YES

Of course! AMERICA is soooooo hyper paranoid over body parts, touching, affection, guilt, shame,...!<br />
Other cultures are FAR more e z going, supportive, encouraging, open, relaxed and have a healthy/mature view of life. Jeeeeez!<br />
C'mon America, get with it!<br />
So yes moms, teach your boys & girls to be confident and and be above all the sheepishness.