Please Share Your Words Of Wisdom

My baby will be a month tomorrow. And i have suffer with depression since pregnancy but never got help because i was afraid of being put on meds. Please dont judge me but i got pregnant with someone i didnt even know i had just days of meeting him. but i didnt have the heart to get rid of my child so i decided to keep her knowing of the circumstances. i just never knew it was going to be this hard. My child's dad hasnt really been there for us and since i got pregnant till now i only seen him maybe about 10 times. I'm so tired of him and i regret letting him sign the birth certificate. He knows i dont have a job and doesnt even help me buy things for the baby and when i asked him he makes me feel like ****. He makes me feel like if i'm ugly, worthless, not good enough, and at times a bad mom. which i know i'm not but his words are so hurtful. I just want help i want someone to love me and my child. i cant even look at my baby and tell her i love her without crying. i feel like i ruined her life she has no family no real dad, and a mom who doesnt have a job, hasnt finished school, still lives with her mom and choose a deadbeat as a dad. I'm afraid of her holding grudges against me becuase of my poor decisions. all i could offer my child is love but its not enough. how can i move on, how can i be stronger. i tried to be nice but i just cant anymore he has taken my kindness or weakness. he has 2 days of from work and he only comes to see the baby one day a week and only for like 3 hours. and while hes here hes on his phone planning his night leaves in a hurry because he rather hang out.
does anyone know how can i go to court to get sole custody of my baby? i have asked him several times if he doesnt wanna help or be part of my child's life to give up his rights but he refuses. i dont want to take him to court and the judge to grant him visitations rights where he could take my baby to sleep over his house. i dont know him, dont know who he hangs out with or what he really does for a living. how can i make a judge see my way. i was abuse as a child and i'm afraid of it happening to my daughter.
with moms with the same experience how did you get out of this depression? is there really a light at the end of the tunnel. i feel like god has punished me with my baby daddy i dont think im strong enough to handle this situation. my whole life i took care of myself becuase i was afraid of this situation. and for some reason one night i end up pregnant with someone i didnt even know with a loser.
newmommy86 newmommy86
4 Responses Jul 31, 2012

What is most important now is your child, if the dad dosent want to be involved, leave him out, and seek help for the depression, meds migth not be a must for u, there are alternitive healing methods.

I wanted to tell you 1 more thing..... In not long, when your baby can actuallyl give you a kiss for the 1st time - You will be happy you hung in with the fight - It will be a moment you will never forget. If she hasn't started already, she will soon start giggling in her sleep and in the next few weeks, she will discover that she has hands with fingers and toes......... It's going to be the coolest thing you've ever seen. You're really young. Life is a rollar coaster. I'm 34 and I've been through a lot. But, no matter what going on outside your home or if ever you feel you are missing out on things socially while raising your child - it's always going to be there. Your baby's "firsts" will only be 1 time. Then.... when she starts crawling and takes that 1st step for the first time - when she smiles at you and says "Momma" - Your heart will melt. As you allow yourself to feel, give yourself a break and ease up on yourself, you will enjoy being a mother with each passing day and You will learn Love... True Love. It's the coolest thing in the world. You're going to be just fine. Okay?!

First of all, you are completely normal. And... HANG IN THERE! Also - Stop being so hard on yourself. You're going through some very, very natural and common feelings in being a single mother. I got pregnant within the 1st year of seeing my child's father. I realized during that 1st year and ESPECIALLY during my pregnancy - just how much of an alcoholic and drug addict he was and is - I have so much I could share with you. He worked offshore. So, in the 1st month of her life I was completely alone, healing from a c-section, and caring for my precious baby girl.... When he came back from the 1st hitch (and we were already on an unstable / rocky path) - I was hit with a huge amount of depression and by my 6 week check up absolutely depressed because I realized I had a druggie / alcoholic dad for my baby and I didn't know how to cope or what to do and I was so far from my usual "get up and go" lifestyle that I was used to living because I had then been confined to the house caring for my child - which was the hardest - BUT - the most BEAUTIFUL days of my life - You will see that. My dr. told me at my 6 week check up and I quote "Some of the most loving and natural mothers are the ones who suffer from post pardom depression. It'll pass" - And it did. I got home from that 6 week check up to find my baby had nearly fallen out of her bouncy seat, she was screaming and crying (soiled diaper) and her father was passed out on the side of her completely wasted that both she and I screaming at him - he did not wake up. When she was 3 months old I kicked him out and became a single mother and cried every night with all of the same emotions you are feeling - and same worries. We tried to get together a 2nd time when she was 7 months old - that last for 2 months until his addictive tendencies took over again. I remember on her 1st Christmas - He did not even buy her a present and waited until almost New Year to give me some $$ to support her and buy her something. But, my family stepped in. We tried to do the "visit" thing until he became so out of control with his addicitive and abusive ways I had a restraining order put on him which crushed my soul because my baby would see pics of him and had no clue who she was looking at. He then went into a rehab facility and when she was 2 he came out of the 7 month program and we decided to take another try at our "family" - It last 3 months before he relapsed, even stealing our child's medication to get high and that's when I realized - We don't need him. Now, I'm facing explaining to her that "daddy went back home and lives at his own house" and that "we're probably not going to see daddy anymore". He has not paid me any child support since we split at the end of May / beginning of June and he has not tried to contact her since July 8th. The advice my attny gave me last year was "Let him take You to Court" - Right now -- YOU have all of the power. Your child lives with you and you are the care taker. It will be more harmful if you try to force a relationship that he will only potentially break your baby's heart. Hang in there and you will realize your strength really soon. I have so many moments of weakness, still because it's a very heartbreaking situation to see your child without a father and now mine is starting to ask because in the 3 months he was back in her life (our lives) - She developed memories of him - however, it's starting to sink in that - "There are all kinds of families in the world... and in our family it's Mommy and Baby" - The main thing, also - Most Important - Control your feelings around her. Don't let her see you down. Let her be your light and your inspiration to keep fighting forward everyday. It does gets easier in some ways - but then, it's harder in others. No matter what it's just not an easy situation and sucks. Bottom line is it sucks. But, you can't let her see you beaten down and if you cry - wear a big ol' cheesy mom smile! Be thankful right now that you can live with your mom if that's the case - Life is expensive and don't be so down on yourself. Who cares! You and your beautiful daughter have a home and as long as there is love you can make it. Hang in there.

Okay first find any job where the baby is welcome. A nanny job (post applications any place you see kids ) and ask anyone if they need cleaning work done around the house, apply to work 3 days in a day care for free if they will watch the child 2 days, if you drive you can work as an emt or cab(so you can work at night ) , hand out menus of anything you can cook and deliver it. If all else fails ask a church to find you work. <br />
Just do what is right and don't make any more choices without putting your child first. Also if abuse is common in your family its best to ask social services to help you. Because abuse is passed down from mother to child sadly.