Soldier By Day, Mommy For Life

When I was 19 I joined the US Army where I met my ex husband. We dated for awhile until I found out that I was pregnant. We were in love anyway so we decided to get married. But there was only one problem...My unit was due to deploy to Iraq soon. So we got married, I had my baby, and away I flew to a foreign country in a C-130. Anyway, while I was in Iraq I found out that my husband was cheating on me and having countless women around my newborn babygirl. So I finished my time in Iraq and anxiously headed home once our tour was over. When I returned I found my home empty. My husband developed a drug habit while I was away and sold most of the furniture and belongings. I kicked him out the same day I returned and filed for a divorce that was finalized four months following my return home. Me and my daughter have been on our own since. There are good days and bad days but I have to be honest when I say that the bad outweigh the good. Good days occur when I reflect on how strong I was to go through that situation and even handle all of the things demanded of me now. But the bad happens when i'm trying to juggle a crazy schedule. The only thing harder than being a single parent is being a single parent in the military. Because the missing factor is support. The Army is moving me on average every three years so there is no way that I can keep an active support network and i'm always away from home. I have no family, I can't stay in a place long enough to make and keep real friends and most of the time I just cry myself to sleep. I wonder is this worth it. I am soooo terribly lonely. I feel like I have to be everyone to everybody. I have to be a comrade to my troops and a mother to my daughter. But who's going to be there for me when I get home. Noone. Not to mention that after an exhausting day I have to switch to mommy mode and come home to give my child the small amount of energy I have left. And if theres anything left after that it goes to cleaning the house. I am exhausted! I said all that to say this. I understand that there aren't too many people that understand how I feel. And that's okay. However, I want whoever is reading this looking for hope to find it. And know that the only thing that keeps my sanity is the faith that God will provide. Because He has provided. Never give up and know that your doing is not in vain and has not gone unnoticed. Every day you wake up and get your child ready for school or help them with their homework or say prayers before bed you are planting a seed. God IS with you and it WILL work out for your greater good. Trust in the Lord.

"Count it all joy when you fall into various trials knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have it's perfect work that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing"
James 1:2-4

Keep Fighting!