Being A Single Mom Is So Lonely!!I was with my daughter's father in college for 3 years when I got pregnant. He went from being around all the time to never being around at all. He even cheated on me! Still I stuck by him and hoped it would get better when our daughter was born. But it didn't. I finally left him alone but never tried to keep him from our daughter. However he wasn't interested and never bothered to be a part of her life.
Fast forward 11 years and I'm here, struggling to raise a good girl in this messed up world. I try to be the example of happiness but it's hard because I'm miserable. I'm so lonely!! I have considered moving to a bigger city with more opportunities to meet people, but then who will watch my daughter if I want to go out on a date? I have no one to help me if I move like I have if I stay here. So I'm trapped. I can't find anyone here, and I can't even leave to try and find someone in a different city!!
Several of my friends were single moms for awhile but then prince charming came along and they got married, but not me. Nobody seems to want me. I give everything I have to my daughter and I do it willinglly but I just want someone to talk to and laugh with sometimes. When I get home, I want some adult conversation. I come home from work and go straight into the kitchen, then homework, then housework, then putting her to bed, then getting ready for the next day, then I go to bed. I have no help--I do it ALL!!
I want someone to love me. I want to know what it's like to feel like you have a friend and a teammate to get through life with. I want to know what it's like to be pregnant and be excited about it instead of ashamed and embarassed. I want the complete family that so many other people have. I want more kids but my daughter is going to be a teenager soon...who's going to want to start over with someone who has a teenager already?!
What's worse is that as my daughter gets older, she really resents the idea of me ever getting married. But it makes sense...all she has ever known is "me and mom." So the thought of bringing someone else into the picture is scary to her. Even though I have explained that marriage is a beautiful thing (my parents have been married over 30 years) she still thinks life is great just the way it is. So not only do I have the pressure of trying to meet someone who will get along with my daughter and be a good fit for our lives, I have that ever-present thought in the back of my mind that she really doesn't want to do this. I don't want to upset her but what about me??
I think the toughest part is not being able to talk about this with anyone. I don't post negative stuff like this on Facebook or Twitter, because who would want to get close to someone who seems so sad? So I keep it all to myself and only share with a very close friend or two when I feel like I'm going to breakdown and cry. I never let my daughter see how much I'm hurting because I don't want her to feel bad or think it's her fault because it's not. This is my problem and my pathetic life. So publicly I keep it together. I feel like I'm sitting on the shelf of a store, smiling and looking pretty hoping prince charming will pick me, but he always picks someone else. So I'm left on the shelf for another year...looked over, passed over, not good enough...as usual.
Parenting was not meant to be done alone. I am so freakin miserable.