Finally Headed To Court...help!

So I am just looking for some support and helpful advice. I met a man and at the time in my life I was not looking for a traditional “relationship”. I was very busy working two jobs and attending college full time. I just wanted a male friend or in other words, a booty call as they say. Well we carried on a sexual relationship and it was great. We crossed certain lines and emotions were brought into play. We both were actually busy people and we would discuss our feelings but always come to a mutual decision that being together was just not something we wanted. We both had our own hang ups and I was always honest about mine. Well about 6 months into this I found out I was expecting my first child. He seemed excited although I was very upset. Having a child was not something I wanted at that time in my life. I had a lot of plans and knew a child would force me to change everything. Well, I kept my child. I don’t believe in abortion. He was around for the pregnancy and everything but when she was about 3 months old he fell off the face of the earth. I was dumbfounded. So I started looking for him, no luck. I mean, I couldn’t find a shred of anything on him based on what I knew. When my daughter was 8 months old I found him except it wasn’t him, exactly. He had lied to me about everything! His real name, his job, his marriage, his children….the whole nine yards. So I was able to put a lot together when I found this out. I filed a petition with family court. I have to start at paternity because he signed my child’s birth certificate with his fake name. So this happened in August and he has not appeared in court. It keeps getting delayed until he can be served face to face. Well I just got notified that he was served finally and court is this Monday. I have already gone through all the feelings that came with this discovery. I was hurt for about 10 minutes until it really hit me how much he lied and how far he took it. From then until now I find myself very angry. It’s been hard not to show up at his home or his job. He holds a very good job at a state university. I have restrained myself so much but I just don’t know how to deal with having to see him face to face again. I have been trying to forgive him so that I can heal but I can’t do it. Yes I can forgive him for what he did to me but when I think of how he did my daughter, the innocent one in all of this I just instantly get angry. She did not ask to be here and I tried my best at preventing pregnancy but she is here and deserved so much better. I just don’t know how I am going to get through this on Monday without losing myself in the anger. Any words of wisdom?
missbiggs missbiggs
22-25, F
5 Responses Dec 11, 2012

Your welcome. Stay strong. I am happy to encourage you!

I am sorry for any typos. Oh, and Merry Christmas!!

Just a word of advice here. Just because they are coubrrt-ordered to pay their share of financial responsibility for our child does not automatically entitle visitation.

I have found those men who do not readily acknowledge their own children may not be worthy of our trust. Too many of our children are being abused and even murdered by their own parents because of many and different reasons. In our state child support hearings in Family Court cannot hear about visitation (rights). This is a separate matter for the Court if he wants to make it an issue. Unless you have 100% trust in this person do not I repeat do not assume he will treat this (your) child with 100% integrity. Sadly, especially these days there is an unnatural detachment towards a child from an absent parent. This holds the potential for real harm to a child. For some absent parents there is also much resentment from them. Especially, considering the fact that they have had no bonding established with this child and are now court-ordered to pay support. I never minded having my child all to myself. I couldn't bear if anything would have happened to her. I hope your heart heals in time. I think I felt like you betrayed. We want them to take the high road in this event. Sadly, some do not. I hope you take comfort in the fact that your love for your child is what matters most in her life. My daughter, who is now 20 years old has always recognized my love and commitment to her. As a grown woman who's father has asked to meet up with him well guess what? She has no interest in doing so. It is like the song "The Cats in the Cradle"
these fathers get what they gave. God bless you to be strong. For your love and commitment be ever there for your child. Be as I was. A mother cat. Remember how fiercely protective she is to her children. I was a mother cat and even though they are older I am still protective of them.

Thank so much for your response! Merry Christmas to you as well. My plan is to make him accountable and if he wants visitation he will really have to fight for it! He will get what he gave and that's nothing. Nothing has been easy for me and I will be dammed if I make anything easy for him. I gave him a chance to stroll down easy street. I am just nervous, happy, mad, worried....you name it, I'm feeling it. I know I will get through this but its a tough situation. Thank you again. I will def post an update once I see what happens!

I've been to court for custody and trust me it too alot of restraint to not do half the things I wanted to to my ex after what he put me through, the only advice I can give that helped me is think of your daughter everything your doing is for her and nothing else matters not the ******* that lied and is cheating her out of better things, but she has an amazing mom who's so strong because of the love of her child.

Jerry jerry jerry lol

Lol. That's all you got? Just playing. I have considered it but I am already humiliated and embarrassed enough. I have wanted to join a site like this for awhile but was afraid of any negative judgment and things like that.

Its just a joke but court will feel like a reality show.

I got the joke lol....I know that's exactly how it will feel.