Single Again

I have been married twice. Divorced once and became a widow five years ago. I was a single mom to two kids when I was in my 20's and now find myself in my 30's, once again a single mom but now with four kids.

Being single sucks but at the same time it has its benefits. I haven't dated since my husband passed away almost 5yrs ago. I look back and see how quickly I dated after my divorce, I think of the icky boyfriend my children were subjected to, I think of my wonderful second husband who took my children as his own and loved the first two just as much as he did the second two. I think of my youngest daughter who was three when her dad passed away. Even though I am often lonely (which explains my being here writing tonight) I am not ready to think about dating because I need to focus on my kids and not only that I need to heal myself.

I don't want to make the same mistakes that I made in my 20's. There is no rush, I have to be healthy in mind, spirit and body before I will even contemplate letting someone else into our lives. I am not there yet but when I am, I have complete confidence that the right person will find me. ;)

Also, I am really enjoying the perks of being single:
*I don't have to share my bed, I can sleep right in the middle and take up the entire bed without anyone complaining.
*I don't have to pick up gross, smelly socks, well maybe for my kids but not for a grown man!
*I can plan vacations with my kids and not have to worry about input from anyone else.
*If I want to spend a day in bed reading books and eating chocolate I can without anyone bothering me, the little ones are more than happy to fend for themselves because they know that on mom's lazy days they don't have to do chores. lol
*My money is my money and even though my husband didn't plan for our future without him, I am proud to know that I can support my kids on my own.
*I don't have to listen to gross belches and the only gas I am subjected to is my own.
*No more cigarettes, my husband was a smoker and I am so thankful to no longer have the smell of tobacco around. He never smoked in the house but the smell was of course always still there.
*I can be selfish without guilt.
*The bond between my kids and myself is even stronger than before. We have gone through hell together and we are closer and stronger than ever.

When I went into my 2nd marriage I never imagined that I would be single so quickly. We never know what life has in store for us, but when you suffer a loss of a marriage whether through divorce or death, you quickly find out that you are made of much stronger stuff than you ever imagined. You might not always feel strong, but hang in there, life has many wonderful surprises heading your way. The biggest surprise just might be that you have a chance to truely discover who you really are.
coffeemom73 coffeemom73
36-40, F
5 Responses Jan 17, 2013

Hello, I have just read your story, It is wonderful to hear of a mom who just gets on with life . I have been divorced for 7yrs have a beautiful daughter[16] she is everything a parent could hope for, I must admire the way you and your children are living life to the fullest.
Thanks again Barb

was nice reading.....great keep going

I just wanted to thank everyone for their kind, supportive comments. I do have many good days, I just wish I were done working through the bad ones. There is a feeling of not being worthy that comes from being cheated on. I have to remind myself that it wasn't ME that caused his cheating, it wasn't that I wasn't enough. It was all about him and his own personal demons that had nothing to do with me. It also helps to remind myself that even Hollywood celebrities with perfect lives/bodies get cheated on. lol

GOD bless you and help you.... I love your.......&........&......' all support .,.,all respect

Wisdom from experience, so true. And as you noted, and as I've experienced for myself, being single does have its perks, even if loneliness isn't one of them. Take care, and best wishes always. :)