11 Years Ago.....

It was 11 years ago that I was faced with a decision. Whether to give my child up for adoption as per my parents advice......or make what I thought was love work. I chose the latter.

I was about 3 months along when I decided to leave my parents home without their knowledge and make a life work with the Father of my children. I cared a lot for him and truly thought I loved him. Key word thought!!! We were married within the next 2 weeks to the disappointment of my family and the love and support of his family. After all he was now the second generation to have teen pregnancy touch his family. He was the result of his parents teenage acts.

I was happy for a while of course. After all he "saved" me from my big bad family who just wanted me to go to college and not be tied down when they knew I could do better. Cameron was born a few short months later and eventually we were on our own. Unfortunately so was I though. He worked on the road going up and down the east coast doing electrical contracting to provide enough for us so I didn't have to work. Noble yes, but very very hard. So by my 19th birthday I was married living alone 5 days a week with a child I adored but hated raising essentially on my own. This of course made it hard on him and me and of course our relationship.

We never had the chance that I believe couples need to familiarize each other simply with themselves. Our marriage was based out of being parents not love. I learned that quickly. I endured abuse both physical at times but more often emotional. I felt isolated and alone most of the time. Although he would say that none of that was true it is what I felt regardless of his excuse. My relationship with my sister and brothers and parents was ok.....and grew better and better as the years passed on, although they continued to dislike him and  the person he made me while we were married. They always said that when I got married I wasn't the Meg they knew. I wasn't the free, smiley, outspoken and strong woman I once was. And now in hindsight I wasn't. I never knew it though until about 2 years ago when I decided I was leaving and had the plan to go.

I left him in Feb 07'. And I think that day when I was moving was one of the most liberating days of my life. He stared at me as I was packing boxes saying abusive things here and there as I did so. I walked into my house I rent and looked at the empty walls and cupboards and just broke down!! I may have been a single mom to 2 wonderful children but I was happy. And I knew that the life I was about to lead would help them to understand that this was the right choice. The lesser of 2 evils.

My children eventually, through therapy with me and loving them no matter, they seem to understand that things are in fact ok for us. Even their Dad too. Sometimes separation is an agony that parents don't want to inflict on children. But I must say that the 9 1/2 years of fighting and enduring awful things was worse I think. Cameron and Colby understand that Mom is happy and Dad is well.....doing better too.

Single parenthood isn't always a death of a family but perhaps the chance to make the family fit in just the way that works best for everyone.

MegJgeM MegJgeM
36-40, F
7 Responses Nov 18, 2008

I think that the parents happiness is more important to raising a child than the parents having a marriage. Youve created a happy loving environment for you children, despite your fears. Thats a commendable thing.

I am honored you can take something positive from my story:-)

Very inspirational.

Leaving him was what I needed to break out of the depression I was in.....<br />
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And now I would like to think that I am all of those things and more....*shrugs*

way to go girl! you listened to your gut and you did the right thing.


l have to agree with your last statement Meg. My daughter's father and i split in Sept 06 after being together for 5 yrs (not married). enough time has passed to where i believe it's much better this way. at times i know he'd still like us to live together and be a family, but i don't want that. he wasn't there for me when i needed him, made false accusations toward me, and essentially hates my best friend (who is also my aunt) for various reasons. <br />
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but outside of all that, we get along fine. We're better off apart than together....at least for me lol it seems to work pretty well the way things are now, so....i can honestly say i've never been happier. I'm on my own, raising my daughter, her dad is still present in her life and as well as his mom and my parents, etc. so overall....things are good :)