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I Am a Single, Independent, Career Woman, But I Hate Being a Single Mom And Just Wish I Could Get Married to Someone I Love, Settle Down, Share Our Lives Together And Make a Family.
A personal story in the experience: I Am a Single Mother
Oct 2nd, 2006
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M
y daughter's biological father gave me a false pretense to go on. We were dating for over 2 years when I was seven weeks pregnant and we found out. He said he wanted to get married and even bought me a ring. After I hit the second trimester, he told me that he didn't think that it was going to work out between me and him. I was devastated but I found the strength to ditch him and move to be closer to my family when I was in the beginning of my third trimester.Now she's 1 years old. He is not a part of our family. He has never come around and most of the time I don't think about him. Which is just fine by me. But I worry about my daughter and worry that she'll grow up lacking in some way because she doesn't have a daddy. So many times I come across kids that are lacking in some way because they were missing a mom or a dad and that's NOT what I want for her. My dad and my brother are great with her but still--I cannot help but to worry.
I am dating a really nice guy. In fact, all the men I date are very nice and we usually continue being friendly even though our romantic relationship ends. But I have a (not all bad) habit of cutting them out of my life and putting an end to it when I even get an inkling that they are starting to be even slightly detrimental to me and my emotional ability to be a good mom, and therefore, in turn, my daughter.
It's the classic "scared by the risk of putting your heart out on the line," but I don't know how else to operate because my daughter's father scarred me. I'm exhausted by the "search" for the right guy and honestly? Though I am a single, independent, career woman, I hate being a single mom and just wish I could get married to someone I love, settle down, share our lives together and make a family.
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  | Posted Apr 21st, 2007 at 7:53AM Have you thought of seeing a psychologist? Worth a try.   |
 | Posted Aug 14th, 2007 at 1:38AM I know how you feel. When I found out I was Pregnant I thought my BF would be thrilled we had been living togeather for a while and I thought we were very serious. however it sent him into panic mode and he cheated on me repeatedly and verbally abused me durring my pregnantcy. I finally left him and he has barely been a father at all ( he send 40 a week and calls every few months) I have no father or brothers or even uncles and boys need a male role model but what do I do. I split from my ex 5 years ago and I have only had two dates since then. I know that becoming emotionally invested in another person who has the potentiall to let me and my son down is a dangerous game. he has already been abandoned by one man how crushing would it be to have that happen agian. however I want a normal nuclear family. I want to have the dream. I want my child to have what he deserves and I want to be wanted, loves and chereshed, not just depended on. I want to fell fulfilled. |
 | Posted Nov 19th, 2007 at 10:20PM I have the reverse problem. I married a women with two kids, both by different fathers. One of them was a ******* and wanted nothing to do with me, the other 10 months was my baby. Now she is 11 and almost a clone of me. It is hard trying to decipher people and understand how they will react to your kid. The older they get the worse it becomes. Even after her grandparents provided unsolicited information on her true parenthood, she still thinks of me as her dad. I am not sure what advice to give you but you have to try and find someone who has a fatherly instincts in them, not somebody who wants to be a father but will be a Dad. I hope that makes sense. +2 nods |
 | Posted Aug 15th, 2008 at 10:08AM I have a male friend who is one of the sweetest man i have ever met. Strong, mentally and physically. He is also very lonely. He is 33 years old. He is a virgin because he wants to wait for the right woman to come along. He does not want to use a woman for his own satisfaction. So there are some good men out there. smiles* +2 nods |
 | Posted Aug 23rd, 2008 at 2:50PM Hi Queenprussia; I was not a single mom. My husband waited until my twin sons were 18 before he left me for another woman. Now at the age of 67, I can share with you that I feel regardless of the circumstances under which a woman conceives a baby, the bottom line is: God has given you the Greatest Gift!! Your child will always be your child, and cannot be replaced. Even if you think you have found the perfect man, you have no way of knowing if he will be a good daddy, or how long he will stay. I have known a lot of young single mothers who do not even want to take their children to special places (i.e. amusement parks etc) by themselves - because they think that they do not look like a "complete family" when they go out. This is such a waste of a beautiful life with your offspring. YOU ARE COMPLETE. Enjoy your relationship with your child. If the rest comes (i.e. a husband) then fine. If not, you and your child will have Beautiful memories of a complete relationship. As I have said before, I have known many single parents and I cannot stress too much, how BLESSED the relationship is between a parent and their children. califnan +6 nods |
 | Posted Mar 14th, 2009 at 10:13PM Wow. I felt very touched to read about your personal experience, because it almost felt as if I was reading about my life. I am very sad and concerned about my son's future problems due to his father leaving us. I do not know what to say, but I'd like to thank you for sharing your story. Thank you. |
 | Posted Apr 5th, 2009 at 7:06AM Deadbeat Dads Suck, and deserve no pitty from anyone. The problem is only getting worse in U.S. No one wants to take responsibility for their actions. God bless you and your son. while the boy does need a dad, he needs a good one so chose wisely. you can do great things with your son, but do not try to be his dad. when a female tryes to pick up the role of a missing male it does not work, It confuses the boy. so keep your role as Mother prominant and even though there is no dad (right now) he will always know who you are. Finding a mate always carries a risk. but the rewards can far outweigh the dangers. dont give up hope. all men are not ********. +2 nods |
 | Posted Apr 5th, 2009 at 4:17PM I think from what I read that you really don't trust guys or yourself well enough to allow them around your closest circle. deadbeat do suck and I can tell you from personal experience it does have a impact on a child's life. |
 | Posted May 11th, 2009 at 5:55PM I just thought I'd comment here...I'm the only child of a single mother (18 this year) and, honestly, I never really thought about it until this year with college applications because it was in there so much and, for some reason, my mom became much more open about the subject without my even asking (in fact I tried to avoid it as much as possible). I know that I'd never want to be a single parent, but I also know that it doesn't necessarily mean something awful too. +2 nods |
 | Posted Jun 27th, 2009 at 7:08PM, last updated Jun 27th, 2009 at 7:13PM I'm new here and this is my first comment. I feel like a guest at a party who has just come in and doesn't know anyone. This is the first post I've read and really wanted to comment and say good luck to you and califnan has given you good advice. You'll meet the right person one day, and your son is a lucky boy. +2 nods |
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I Am a Single, Independent, Career Woman, But I Hate Being a Single Mom And Just Wish I Could Get Married to Someone I Love, Settle Down, Share Our Lives Together And Make a Family.
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