day in day out all i do is wish that i had more confidence and more selfesteem but the fact is i dont i know what it feels like to just sit back and watch everyone else having a good time being chatty,laughing and having a fat time mean while your sitting there thinking why the **** did i even bother coming then getting ****** or crying because you cant seem to get the guts to speak to anyone or if you do finally build the courage up you then feel like a complete tool because you felt like what you just said sounded stupid so then the rest of the night you hide away and it can be hard to meet people because you think your the only one who suffers from what you are feeling and thinking my relationships with guys fail because i have no selfesteem and its the same even when trying to met people but being on your own and having no one i reakon you age quicker and become sick more often then people who have friends and thats why i want to change.

26-30, F
1 Response Mar 4, 2009

i hope whoever wrote this 'story' reads this. <br />
<br />
i can completely relate. also single mum of three who feels okay and wants to become a better educated, better socialised, better person...but gets really stuck on the whole self-worth issue. if i get out (rarely) i feel the odd one out...everyone else is laughing easily and talking easily....but i am concious of everything i do and say and therefore ,in my own mind, make an idiot of myself. its a horrible way to feel, and makes you just want to hide from everyone all the time, even the few friends i have. god, writing this down makes me sound like such a loser, i hope its theraputic in the end. i don't go to many family-type days the various things my kids are into because of these feelings...i run away and make excuses, but in the end its me and my litle guys who miss out. i know we are wonderful and worth it...but do other people know that aswell?? i am happy and totally sad at the same time to learn i am not alone.