Post

I Never Believed It, But I Guess It's True!

Yes, I am a single woman and over 40. I will be 42 in a week to be exact. I never thought it would be hard to date...let me revise that. I never thought it would be hard to find a meaningful relationship after 40. Most men I date are actually young men who just want to have fun...wait...I have to revise that as well. Most men I date just want one date and then never call me again.

I am a good catch if I do say so myself, so I think that maybe it's because the man of my dreams just hasn't found me yet. I tried dating sites and felt I was getting the same run around only this time I was paying money (way too much if you ask me) to find the same type of men I could find for free! What's really disheartening is that everyone around me seems to be finding their love match. I find it hard to be happy for them, but at the same time, better someone is falling in love even if it isn't me.

I have only been in love once and that was with my exhusband. Sometimes I think I have forgotten what it's like. I suppose I am just tired of meaningless dates, and sometimes one night stands. Oh, let's not forget the men who really do like me, but unfortunately no interest on my part. Do most women find dating this way as well? I feel like I am alone most of the time and as I get older I feel like my time is running short. I realize it's just my own insecurities, but I can't help but feel that way sometimes. I'm sure you understand.

I have always heard that it is difficult to date after 40...I never believed it, but I guess it's true..:)

Sincerely,

Deb
dansuini dansuini 41-45, F 11 Responses Dec 3, 2011

Your Response

Cancel

I have resigned myself to the fact meeting my next match is not in my hands. It can not be forced, or arranged or planned. Im 41, I have my career, my home, my child and this is all I need. I have worked like a dog to get where I am. I did find who I thought was my match. I ended up becoming his gravy train and he took me for a ride. I was deeper in debt when he left than when I met him. My mistake..I learned from it and found I do not need a man for anything other than sex..and that's pretty easy to find. Family and friends tend to love us unconditionally and there seems to be less of a demand for compromise. God bless them.

iam rik call me 8981705506

over 40 or not, i seem to have always had trouble dating. i quit for a long long long time. i tried again in the past couple of years. it was a disaster every time. i have quit again. :/ it's been a lonely 41 years on this earth with no one to call mine. and with no one that wants to call me his.

and i also find it very hard to be happy for people when everyone around me finds love. even the guys i have dated years ago.....the next women they dated was the love of their lives. now they are married and have kids and are wonderfully happy. :/
and i am still alone.

very very true same shoes im looking for more than a one night stand i want someone to talk to

It is hard to date after 40. I know; been living it. It seems that the guys who are on the same level in life I'm at end up with women who need their income. I'm not going to kill myself to become a size 4 or spend money on sexy clothes, makeup, and an expensive hairstyle to attract a man. I am not a slob, but I am not a barbie, either.

Every man I have dated who swore they never wanted to support another woman or deal with step-kids ended up marrying (and divorcing) those same exact women, then they come sniffing around my back door again. If I wasn't good (or desperate) enough the first time, I'm not this time either.

This opposites attract thing doesn't work for me. A rich man is not a necessity, but I will not get into a relationship with someone who doesn't have his financial life in order or is way behind on child support obligations.

I don't know what it is. I have a business, own a home, am debt free, attractive, my kids are grown, and am busy, but I desire the same thing most women want; to love someone and be loved back.

Hmmm, she praises herself as being a good catch? Well, you probably are a good catch, but what do you base that on? Only your outside looks and shape? Or, what is it that you see in yourself that your ex-husband missed that makes you a good catch?

You should compensate the individuals flaws and focus on their strengths because nobody is perfect. Please don't fall victim to the perfect man criteria because every one has imperfections. :)

I haven't ever found a partner. I had a few dates here and there but never had a real boyfriend. When I hear all the complaining guys saying what they "can't find" it perfectly describes Me. They are liars, they are NOT looking for relationships at all, at any age. In my 20's the only people that showed any interest were the 65 and up retirees. I am a runner and very fit, too, so it is not my weight. I have never been interested in someone else's money but they all seem interested in mine. Guys are the fat goldiggers looking for predatory sex with underage girls. That is what I have learned, angry complaining guys have taught me this, over and over again.

Your being a runner would deter me, too.. My current "interest" hikes a lot and is very fit. I, on the other hand, have cerebral palsy in my legs. I wouldn't be a good partner for the really active lifestyle.

I never said being a runner deterred anyone except maybe you, but I am not interested in you or here to find a date. I am here to talk about my experiences. I will not stop running because someone I don't know says it is wrong and makes me undesirable. Pretty sure most guys would say the opposite, they say they want a healthy person that is thin and attractive, even though they are not thin, attractive or even friendly.

When you find the answer, please let me know. I haven't been involved with anyone for 5 years... but 10 is when my last "favorite" was. I don't know how to work this stuff anymore!

Life was never meant to be easy for any of us - married / single / divorced, young / old, etc. We have so many goals set worth and so little of them come to fruitation. It ashame that we're not more optimistic.

BBW, good answer. :) I think that "all the goals" are something to "keep us going", however, that's not the end all be all of life. I don't have many goals for myself, just to finish my education, learn how to drive safely and do a good job at work. Most of my "wants" in a relationship (although my personality is a good fit as a servant of anyone) are superficial, so I'm deterred by my own conscience as to whether I will follow through.

You're still a step ahead of me. I'm single and 47 - never married, no children. The man I've been seeing suddenly (two days ago) starting feeling wobbly about our relationship of just over three months, wondering whether we're a good enough match for marriage. REALLY? ALREADY? I'm afraid he over-idealizes the person or partnership (he's never been married, either) and is holding that impossible standard up to US. ARRRGGGHH!