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What Do Men Over 40 Really Want?

I just started dating again and have been using the internet to meet men because if go to the bars most men are too young or the men who are the right age are looking for too young.  I have had some great experiences in the past with internet dating but this time around it is like the men can not even commit to a phone call or getting a coffee. Lately, is they email a couple of times act like they are interested and then just drop off.  They can't even put out the effort to write " i don't think this would work out".    I am a 45 year old Professional woman,  who is just looking to have a friend to go to a movie with or dinner.  I am not looking for Prince Charming.    Here is an example  - a guy asks for my # and I give it too him.  He texted me the next morning at 7 am to ask when the best time to call and I texted back at time.  He never called!  What is up with that?  That is why I am here telling my story and want to hear about other single lady's experiences!

sjhanna sjhanna 41-45, F 84 Responses Oct 11, 2009

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my ph. no. is 8894107063

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may i add you please

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I,m too from lahore 03014370286

Hi i m Ricky frm Mumbai looking for a nice truthfull and trustfull lady and i read abt wht u do'nt like in Guy and trust me "I AM THE GUY U R LOOKING FOR & I PROMISE U WO'NT REGRET AFTER MEETING ME"My whats app number is 09987990056 I Hope to hear soon frm U.Take Care :)

If u live in Delhi I am agree


Hi ladies,

My name is Arvind Tejveer living in mumbai and working in MNC Company.. i m very friendly in nature... i have posted many add earlier and i enjoyed alot wit NRi housewife ,Tv serial actress and college girls but i love to have sex with older women .. if any female from mumbai intrstd for secret sex with young guy contact me ur age doesnt mattr...

Please dont try to call or contact me b4 u msg because i have updated personal number..

Please Msg me ur Name and Age on 9930908093 or whatsapp me

whatsapp me 9716589947 ...if there is any 40 plus lady seeking guy in delhi for a nice company :)


I am really like and surrly put u in good spirits.

Im also fond of gossip making others laugh and makingtension free.also fond of movies and coffee. But at present not able to spend lavish ly
.once we develop contact result can be seen.

Having gone through hurt and rejections, Looking out for a good friend, life sometimes sucks, but then life is short so there is no point in holding grudges and hitting back. Looking to connect with nice friends, with whom i can share high & lows of life, a friend who will be there when i feel like talking my heart out .

Not someone who appear to be there but ditch you for their whims & fancies

I request you to please read my blog on

It should give you a fair idea about me. Its written under the name of deepak gokhale scroll down a bit on that page to read it


Hi how are u?

Hi send me ur contact will call you


I m men looking aged women for fun age between 35 to 50 on my mob.no7802077031

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hi call i want to do friendship with you call me 8431557151

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Hey Sweety !!! shall we meet !!! everything will be soft and smooth once we meet !!!! ok with you ? meet and decide !!! ok sweet

sweety !! call me once you say yes !!! on which no. ? oh yes no. to come once you respond !!!! i am waiting sweety !!!!! waiting !!!!!!!!

sweeety !!! i am not thinking anything !! thinking will be done by you once we meet !! ok !!! thanks and waiting

hi... I think i m what are u looking for pl call me at 919910200086

I think I m also looking for so as you are

I m from delhi

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can i be ur friend to share good as well as bad moments of life

ok . i believe i am surely suit to your mind set . if possible call me 8939398541

I am looking for serious relationship. Please write me on

Hi i m avi..i undrstnd that...if u really mean that then reply me..

If you are in Mumbai give me a buzz no 9769505268. I'll definitely call back.

Please miss call 8983714155

I'll tell you the truth. I'm a 40 year old man and I've tried online dating and I put my info out like I'm a single dad (full custody), good job, and I would like to think that I'm not boring but guess what; no hits. Not even with girls I know. I'm not attractive to females or I would have had some girls call me by now so it's all about looks for women too. Please don't try to fake that

hi i am from ahmedabad 41 male like to going to good relationship with u pls contact me

I like old weman.

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Hi me gaurav cal me 9888568799

I am very hansome boy plz only one calll interest me plz

hi i m sameer from mum into travel services i m 42 interested to meet u if u 2 r can call me on 808042085 can spend a gd tym hope to hear frm u

pls call 9175324975


Hi my no.9266600215

i am 25 year old man call me8981705506 i givu all wat u want

hey call me you will never find another trusted guy in ur life my Name Raj -9702449575 your one call change change my life try it

Hi i m 39 and i m keen to get a really good matured friend.pls txt me at 8107 4444 06

This is crazy. I'm a 47 yr old male with great height to wt ratio, with a professional Job...decent credit post 3 yr Divorce and I can get a date on the internet. All woman want is the bad tattoo superjock, who cant commit or wont.. Average non tattoo professional no dates. So find this forum interessting


I would like to talk with u

i read ur experience but i am surprise how a good human being can do this.

Hi I'm lonely & looking for mature females friendship cell 8108653534 AsAp

I would like to contact you

hi i jagadeesh i woud like to contact u

Oh, you've been really into Shrtykh May Wedding May You see it up close

If u r in Pune call me 9823023988 I am raj

Hello there, i am a men 42 years old, i am looking for women over 40's too,

Just try me,

i am madavan 46yrs looking for a good lady, same like you just to go for a movie, have coffee and pass our time nicely.......if anybody have interest my number +919176560115

I am man of with almost a similar want and am looking for a lady 45+ to be my companion and may be a relation.

I want to expound on what Stevem7 said. He's somewhat right.
But let me tell you why! And why some of the other posters are right but for entirely the wrong reasons.
I'm 40. Divorced. Dating for the last couple years.
I spent my 30's with my ex-wife. Wasted them with her is more like it!
So yes, maybe I'm having a bit of a "mid-life crisis". I want to live an exciting life. I want to go to night clubs. Hit the bars. Travel without warning. Sex in the park. Do some drugs. Live like I did when I was 25. And why not?! It's my life! It's *my* life. I should get to spend it how I choose. There's nothing holding me back.
Now, what does that have to do with you? I've dated a lot of women in the last two years. From 27 to 43. And so far, only a few 27 to 32 wanted to or could live the life I want.
Women older than that either had kids or other responsibilities, or most often wanted to settle down and live a quiet life. Travel? Maybe. Night clubs? Only on a Saturday night, if then. Sex in the park? We aren't in college any more. Living like you're 25? No thanks.
Fine. That's fine. Then we are not right for each other. But don't be upset when I'm chasing 30 year olds.
I'm sure there are exceptions, but I haven't met any.

From this description, I figured you were a lot older than your age! I agree with most of what you wrote. I would like to find someone around my age, who didn't look it or act it...someone who, like me, wants fun and adventure...not someone content with just sitting at home and watching paint dry.

Hi dear wanna friendship with u

hi i m 32 year male
from ahmedabad

I am in my 40s and in the online dating scene. I have found it to be very frustrating. I have found two types of 40 year old men for the most part. The players who have been in marriages and other long term relationship who have been unsuccessful at remaining faithful and will probably continue to struggle in that area. The other type really do understand commitment are are capable of it but are maybe no longer up to putting the work into making it work. There is a lot more I could say.... I know I am jaded. What do you think?

There is nothing wrong with having a list; unfortunately though, we must never admit to this. It is so easy to say that we are simply seeking a companions with whom we can enjoy our lives but it is of course, much easier said than done. The loveliest man somehow shows his true colors eventually and it is up to us to ask all of the pertinent questions. I know, for example, that a Howard Stern fan is a person with whom I will not get along. It would be in my best interests, for example, to steer clear of this "type" of person. This would not only be for the my sake but for the man's sake as well. If we forget our proverbial lists we simply walk blindly into situations that we do not need. Most men do not care so long as they are getting sex...and do not get me wrong, many women are like this as well but some of us have different hopes, dreams and desires and for this reason we must be selective and not forget about the list.

Get rid of your list and get a real partner instead. People are people not a list. if you have some long list of expectations you may miss out on something real. And just perhaps real good in your life. For me I just want a loyal kind loving gal over 21 so if we were to want to drink we can. Not a list.

I have a announcement to make, "TIMES HAVE CHANGED ", "TIMES ARE CHANGING ", "CHANGE IS INEVITABLE "...

People or in this case men over 40 want what they want, when then want and how they want. One more we're living in the best of times, but simultaneously these can also be thr worst of times too. The individual decides, however it sure helps to have some optimism and confidence.

What do we want?
A career or to provide beyond tomorrow.
To be cared for and supported through and through.
To be all you need, but at times I need ME time and other times I'd love to fulfill my role in your life as a friend and especially a confidante.

Regarding communication, countless make up their own rules as they go, I'd like to reiterate that you take the initiative and CALL me (kidding ). Don't be nervous when you call, be courteous and state the reason for the call. I heard the following long ago the English language is the the hardest to learn. Added stress is that of NON-VERBAL COMMUNICATION.

Whats funny is we typically want the samethings but fear and rejection keeps the other in the perverbial box or the walls up til its safe to truly express ones true feelings.

I hate the stinking so called game, where the players have outlandish rules when all ya oughta begin with I dig ya and share you with the one you have audience with.

...just too much pressure.

Love is possible, do your HOMEWORK and be patient.

having my very first experience with dating a 40+ man and im 30. usually date older guys so i have no idea what to say when he asks what i want in bed or even what restaraunt I want because i am so used to dating younger and same age. Never had an eager to please instead of an eager to be pleased unfortunately. I really like this post since it assured me im headed the right direction by doing my homework. still searching on how to conform to an older man...

oops i meant i havent ever dated an older guy but you probably got that lol

I agree with you's been my experience as well

I don't know what they want but I know what I want is flexibility, no family drama, have to be over their ex, open minded, straight forward to name a few the way if i am not interested i say so...

Who CARES what they want?

I know this sounds flippant. I am 41, divorced, and I am sick to death of trying to figure out how to please men that never end up appreciating it anyway. It isn't our responsibility to figure out how to take care of them. Spent the better part of my life emotionally care taking men. Don't waste your time.

Be yourself. Stay open to meeting like minded people and just love and stay true to yourself.

Dear sjhanna, i understand your feeling, we both leave far away from each other, our both thinking are same, after age of 40 to 45 ppl needs campenion to share both life, n walk on t beach down t star, go to nice resturant for candle dinner, every young age ppl look face 1st, they dosnt see the lady or girl is true honest n selfrespected, every young want sex, they cannot understand any feeling, i want to write more bt then you will get boring...!

At our age, Anna, I think men want someone that they know they won't have to go through another period of loneliness, and hopefully that the 40's era means a time of maturity. Myself, never having much experience with sexual things, would like to find someone that I could have some fun with that would stay with me despite my "set in" ways, someone stable in mind and finances so that we could build a life not simply pay bills. It really is crazy!

The key words here are to have “fun with” along with grow with, learn from as they learn from you and cherish moments you never did before or missed the last time around. Remember she will also be set in her ways and the both of you will need to adapt AND adopt new ‘habits’ to accommodate each other. Take everything at a moment, a second, a minute and a day time for you never know what may blossom. All the best.

Well said, Lady42. You're right about that, we'll both be set in our ways... something to think about, for sure... thanks! :)

For whatever reasons, unmarried men over 40 are scared like hell. It might have been a sequel of wrong women (including, most likely, their mothers), or the low consideration that they have of themselves (they always find an excuse), or a series of recent events that have put them in an awkward position. But fear is the true factor. I AM ONE OF THEM: I KNOW!

"most likely their mothers"... yeah, for sure. Scares me to think of ending up with someone like my mom. Bad to say, but geez o pete! Yeah, fear is a really big factor. I would like to date again and find someone... I'm also learning to drive to get my license at 41... my life is toast, I'm just gonna drive into the grand canyon. lol

Guys do not be affraid, not all women bite and if you are over 15 years of age, you should know what is right or wrong and when in doubt follow your gut. Do not worry about ending up with someone like mom, mentalize your model of a woman (be as unpredictable as you want) and go after her.

Dear friend,<br />
I am a good boy looking for women like you. Please contact me regularly so that I can hear from you and be with you in the future.

hi i am a guy looking for a good woman to talk to and have coffee with or go out to moves .....dont drink or smoke dope . i just stop smoking tobacco. so just looking for some friends to talk with and if see when that go ..

hi i am a guy looking for a good woman to talk to and have coffee with or go out to moves .....dont drink or smoke dope . i just stop smoking tobacco. so just looking for some friends to talk with and if see when that go ..

oh i stop smoking 27 days ago now ....

I'm a young boy of 27 yrs old and interested in old women of around 30 to 40 yrs of age any women from India looking to date may contact me my cell no, is +91 9880120490 u may call or text me and my mail id is <br />
I'm looking for a romantic and open friends and not interested in your money ,I like romance and emotional connections

men my age well at least for me, i want a woman YOUR age..already raised a kid once and dont want to again! i want a real woman and i should meet

Being a 44 year old still single male it is funny what was said earlier because I actually see more women dating younger men then the other way around.<br />
<br />
I raised 2 girls from birth as a single father and I taught them that men and women are equals,this goes even for the first date and all.<br />
Expecting a man to pay for the first date actually belittles a woman and the man.Women can ask for the first date also,the person who initially asks for the first date should pay since they did ask.<br />
<br />
Do you know how hard it is for a man to get a woman to treat his kids as good as he would treat theirs? VERY hard.<br />
<br />
I constantly hear women talking about how they were sexually abused as young girls or how hard it was,seek help then but I have known several women that have went through hell and they were fine.Don't hold your past against me.<br />
<br />
For example;Your last Husband/BF gave you bad sexual problems,etc. Don't be with me and say you don't like sex because of your past,all that shows is you are holding your past against me.<br />
It gets me pissed every time I read posts like some of these,I treat others the way I want to be treated.I don't drink,I don't smoke and I hate Bars.<br />
I would rather be camping or doing family/2 person type fun things instead.<br />
It is easier for a woman to find a good man then it is a man to find a good woman,at least in my experiences.<br />
I dated A LOT and it cost me a fortune only to find out that men in general are more forgiving about women then women about men as far as money,house,etc. <br />
What do I want in a woman?<br />
She likes me for ME,not how much money I have or how big my penis is.<br />
A woman that won't hold her past against me.

Ewww. Can you talk about anything but getting you getting sex and your penis?
What would it take for you to view a woman as a person?

Can I interject, from a man's perspective. I am a married man, and I am lonely. So, sometimes, I go on line and chat. It is fun to talk with women from mdifferent walks of life and feel like someone out there is interested in me, even though my wife isn't anymore.<br />
<br />
But when it gets serious and the woman starts to want to date and all, I tend to get a little nervious because I know that it cannot advance any further than emails. So, my advice to the single woman that is seriously looking, find something that really interest you, like working out or dance class ot get a hobby. The best relationships are developed when you aren't looking. Internet dating is really not a good way to meet, especially for people over 40.<br />
<br />
Good luck. I mean it.

There are not any guys in social groups, they are all women and sometimes a few of their husbands. I think what you meant was, give it up and just do your own hobby, right? Because we all know there is nothing to look forward to for a woman over 40, she is dead. Just like your wife. You decided a long time ago to make no effort toward her. Sad.


Do you seriously go online and chat posing as an available man out of loneliness?

Very interesting. I feel this exact way about my new love. Thinking of his ego, I think he can handle me, and that my return love will be good for him. As you say.................."willing to love in return".

Men, for the most part,are designed quite differently than women. They do long for compatible companionship, just as we do, they do want to sometimes have their space, just as we do as well. It is unfortunate though that some men (and certainly some women as well) do not treat others as they wish to be treated. Gawking at other potential mates in our presence (men or women) seems to be something that men do involuntarily(please do not bite my head off as I know some women do this as well, and please take notice of my using the word "seems.") Here is my broad generalization that is not applicable to all men, just a large stinking percentage: men, regardless of their age, want a mate who will make them blissfully happy by feeding them well, by pleasing them in the bedroom, by providing stimulating conversation but at the same time knowing when to shut their mouths and obediently listen to them speak. Men want to be treated respectfully and warmly, with sensitivity and kindness, they want what they never knew they wanted until they met you. The problem is that so often these same men are not capable of giving the very things they want. We can give them what they want but we must not anticipate reciprocation. Should moments of reciprocation occur we must grasp the moments with both hands and hold tight for they rarely last...very long.

"obediently?" REALLY?



Your comment is both wise and a rebuke of my sex, esp. " often, men are not capable of giving the very things they want." That is true of me. But that fact does not exist in a vacuum. Men are often treated harshly by teachers, coaches, bosses, and colleagues, in ways that most women would never accept. The professional lives of men do not encourage them to develop and show social graces. The result is a man who is not well adapted to be a warm and loving husband. Over and over I have seen women complain of X, and their complaints are received with cooing sympathy. Anybody who tells them "your problems are your own fault" is deemed an utter boor. When men make the exact same complaints about their lives, they taunted to their faces about being weak and effeminate, even by women.

1 More Response

I see that the male is ego is first and for most the most fragile and the 7th wonder of the world young or old. The man I'm looking for will put his ego aside and use his best skills to obtain a prize worth having that is something bigger than himself or me... its called us. It's selfless, full of encouragement, respect, friendship, romance and true love. It will go through growing pains and sufferings, but the rewards will be something so wonderful that it won't be something that can be put into words.... Yes, I want a man who will love me and wants to be loved in return, who doesn't put himself first but is willing to sacrifice as I am. Most people today don't realize that real love between two people whether it be friends, couples, parents and children is sacrificial. Besides as I said in my first statement ... the male is ego is fragile, until a man can overcome that, he's pretty much not ready for any sort of love...

At least be considerate to your partner..that is what caring really means.

The male ego is often quite fragile. But that is often for reasons external to himself. Men are not respected for what they are, but for what they have accomplished and can do. And the assessment of past accomplishments and future potential is often highly subjective. Hence a man's success and value are often very much matters of opinion. We men often find ourselves walking on a tightrope. Men get much less unconditional love and respect in their lives than women do. Hence men need more unconditional love and respect in the home.

I see that the male is ego is first and for most the most fragile and the 7th wonder of the world young or old. The man I'm looking for will put his ego aside and use his best skills to obtain a prize worth having that is something bigger than himself or me... its called us. It's selfless, full of encouragement, respect, friendship, romance and true love. It will go through growing pains and sufferings, but the rewards will be something so wonderful that it won't be something that can be put into words.... Yes, I want a man who will love me and wants to be loved in return, who doesn't put himself first but is willing to sacrifice as I am. Most people today don't realize that real love between two people whether it be friends, couples, parents and children is sacrificial. Besides as I said in my first statement ... the male is ego is fragile, until a man can overcome that, he's pretty much not ready for any sort of love...

I don't think I'd go so far as to use the word "sacrificial." That sounds so extreme.

How to the truth can one be then this. Great statement,

I will advice the ladies for young guys too.That will make them feel okay and give them the best.<br />
<br />


Oh Ron did I hit a nerve or something. I welcome the challenge if you have one to offer. Smiles.....Men...worth the time if they are highly insured$$$$$ lol.


There you go..."in her 30s..." When I was 30 or so, I'd NEVER want to date a man of 50. I barely want to NOW.

Show yourself then. Where is your picture. if you have so much to offer why is there no picture on your profile...looks like you are hiding something already.

na any gal(s) over 21 are acceptable to go with.

Men over 40, 50, 60 are looking for very young girls to make them feel young again and stroke their ego. <br />
I would expect at this point of their lives these issues should have been resolved should be grounded with your manhood and your egos should not be so fragmented that you would need to turn to little girls.

i believe what You say may be partially true but all males over 40, 50, and 60 are not just seeking their ego stroked. i am a single male that cares not of age looks or having my ego stroked. i look at a persons heart to see their true beauty and my ego is built on bringing happiness to my partner which is not only derrived from sex. there must be chemestry in a couple before there is any reason to persue a relationship. i receive much mire gratification in seeing that whatever i have done for my partner has pleased Her than having Her stroke my ego. of course i have had a much different lifestyle than most males although we are not all alike, as the prejudism goes.

Agreed, true lasting beauty comes from inside a woman.

I wouldn't have a clue. I was in a relationship for the past 22 yrs so it's like I'm starting over with little dating experience - uh, I'll have the sitting duck! Makes me blush!!

You were his fallback option. After he started talking to you, he managed to reel in a bigger fish, then lost all interest in you. Men look for female companionship the same way they look for new jobs.

For what it's worth I'll share an observation with you. I have been internet chatting for almost 20 years now. It appears to me that men over the age of 45 are still (at least on the internet) acting like they are still 20 y/o's with their life still in front of them. I've seen many worthwhile women like yourself, not looking for some movie star god with all the money you could spend, but rather just a decent guy to date and maybe build a relationship with. Very few of these guys seem to want more than a roll in the hay and moving on. I guess the thought of growing old alone appeals to them. It would scare me to death if I were in the same position which thankfully I'm not.

Ha haha just the right article to read for the day for me... I was in a date with someone I met from the internet he was in one of his tour to Asia from Australia. He took me out for a dinner and thats about it hahaha, the next day, he text me and said 'hope you will find the best man you deserved'..aha well thats sweet of him to say 'you are nice but I dont like you'... mmmm.. That is better than someone who just vanished after intensed chatting and exchanging deep thoughts with cam almost every week for 3 months and suddenly see you when i see you kind of ... just because he had his business slowed down... poor guy..but then come to think of it, I rather know someone who is physically, financially and emotionally available and stable rather than end up with someone who needs a baby sitter...ppfftt