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The Ones You Make Are Sometimes As Important As The Once You Are Given.

This is the first story in my new account. It was in fact troubles with one of my sisters that resulted in my old account being deleted. I thought this would be a good place to pick up.

Biologically I have 3 sisters, actually I have 5 technically, however I have never really known two as they are my fathers children. So personally I only count the three I grew up with. The second youngest (for the purpose of avoiding conflict with her she will be named Sister X) sister X, 3 years older than myself, has always had an intrusive nature. She manipulates and lies her way into things, however cruel it sounds on my part to talk of sister X like this...I tell you it's true. Only of late have I really been able to see the extent of her nastiness, how far it will go. She takes pleasure out of my pain, because I simply will not bend to her will. She believes she has the right to invade and steal my privacy. Not only that but is willing to go to such drastic levels to take what is mine...simply because I did not give her the attention she craved.

I write this, not to moan of what she has done to me, I realise dwelling on all the things she has done, some actually illegal...does me no good. Instead I want to make a comparison to what I would say are my "EP family". Though I know them not in the flesh I can say without a doubt that these people would never do what my own biological sibling has done. In life we are taught from infancy that the greatest love you will ever have is that of your family, with those you grew up with and share chromosomes and DNA with...maybe that is right, perhaps not, but that does not seem to ensure that these are the people who would never hurt you as you may think. How can someone love someone as much as they say they do and still treat them with such cruelty and disrespect? I ask myself this, and all I can conclude from this is that being "related" simply is not enough. Why does a common stranger who smiles at me on his way to work afford me more respect that the person of which I bathed and ate with as a child?

I know my family loves me, but I see that love alone is not enough, however much I and I suspect many others wish it were. I think family is more than ***** meets egg. It is a connection that yes can be blood, but needs much more to feel like a family should make you feel. Secure, safe, loved, respected...all these things.

My Love for sister X, I thought was the peak...I thought no one can love more than this. Without a blink I would do whatever needed to be done to ensure her happiness and safety, I realise though she loves me...she is not willing to allow me to be happy if it isn't on her terms. Whereas My "EP family" people you could say I chose to be my family. I never feel guilt for how I am, disrespected or punished for crimes I did not commit. I instead get the things I expected off of my biological family. I get support and encouragement. They don't expect me to fit into an image of them or live as the seem the correct way to live. Isn't that how It should be?

So I find myself asking, why are we obliged to people who treat us poorly simply because they are "family"? Especially when there are so many other people that are deserving of your love and care? I don't mean you shouldn't love your family if the are not picture perfect, just...is some cases, love is all there ever will be, because the other fundamental things are not there...such as respect, or trust, so why are they given priority? Over all other people in your life...why do people destroy themselves in attempt to have a relationship with a person that if you were not related to you wouldn't even like?

What I am on about is more than a simple case of you can't chose your family, I am curious as to why....why when your family has exceptionally dysfunctional relationships within it, would you still continue to still put those members ahead of yourself?  I am not judging those that do, I do it myself, I am only now beginning to focus on myself....then I am left with that whole in my chest, I recognise as guilt.  I have screwed myself over so many times, in the desperate attempt to make people who make me miserable happy. Why do people afford there families this?  Yet would not someone who was not blood?  

How long can "Their family " be the excuse, when does that tire out?  Should that not make it less forgivable? They are your family!  Yet they hurt you, for your own blood..to purposefully do and say things, then watch for your pain to become apparent...ending with their satisfaction. Why are we compelled to forgive and forgive...when perhaps forgiveness only allows them to repeat the behaviour? 


Just some confuddled thoughts...May not be so coherent.



IncognitoX

Incognitoisme Incognitoisme 18-21, F Sep 11, 2010

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