Sociopaths, Am I Actually A Sociopath?Hello! I would like to know whether you think I am a sociopath ba
I am a 24 y.o. male. I am 6'4, relatively good looking, I love to gamble, go to nightclubs and play video games. I drive a convertible, have two degrees (one a masters) and currently work as a teacher (secondary). I have changed careers twice, and have never held a job in the same location for more than 12 months. I have never maintained a sexual relationship with someone for more than 6 months, but I have never cheated on anyone (not because I am against the idea of cheating, but because I terminate relationships immediately when I meet someone new.
I have changed my name formally, but continue to use my original name when conversing with people who knew me prior to my change of name. I have not told my older friends about this, but my family knows - but only because they were snooping around my car and found my C.V.
I am a compulsive liar, and love to be the center of attention. I don't care about anyone but myself, and have sold many of my so called friends down the river at some point and time. This being said, I have also had people take advantage of me, so I usually use this to convince myself that what I do is ok. I steal, and sabotage others' work to make myself look better.
I believe I am superior to normal people. When I read that sociopaths tend to have an inflated sense of themselves was when I started to suspect I am indeed one. I tell everyone how superior I am to the majority of people out there. And I believe it too, even though I know it isn't true; it's hard to explain.
Throughout my life I have done many things which would be considered highly immoral. Half of one of my degrees was completed through cheating. I received a HD average for these results. In my previous occupation, I have ruined peoples lives and consider one of my actions in particular to cause someone to commit suicide. I recieved a promotion for the most part because of this action. I have never done anything for anyone unless there is an ulterior motive i.e. part of a bigger plan to achieve something for myself.
My understanding is that the above is indicative of a sociopathic mindset. I also advise that this is not my life story; this is just as much stuff as I can come up with as I write this down. But there are a few things that I need clearing up. I find that generally internet research suggests that sociopaths do not have feelings/ do not feel most emotions. In my case, I find that most of my emotions are dulled/muted, but I do get anxious frequently. I find that women tend to pick up on my antisocial behaviour much more often than men. I get a woman telling me to smile at least several times a week, as I often forget. I also am relatively self concious and I am not assertive, at least not all the time. I do not get angry hardly ever. When I do my reaction to people is as the research I have read suggests of a sociopath: I get angry quickly and then it subsides. I can be yelling at the top of my voice and then the next sentence will be extremely calm. The people I work with pick up on this and this worries me. I do not hold grudges. Is this relevant? I also do not like to be the leader, I like to be a perceived follower so I am not being watched 24/7.
But the thing that makes me question whether I am truly a sociopath is my history. In my teenage years I was broken, destroyed completely by my peers. I am not like how I was when I was 13/14. I was simply depressed. Then again, at around 16/17 I suddenly gained an immense amount of courage and persuasive ability. I became prefect and school captain through popular vote and could speak calmly to an audience of hundreds when prior to this I could barely summon the courage to talk with anyone outside my small friend circle. And now that I think back, the reason was that I told myself that I was a monster, and that I was already dead, so I didnt care. But is that too late for sociopathic traits to develop? Am I a sociopath, or just some emo/ depressed anxious wannabe serial killer?
If you need any more information or need to probe further, please ask. I will be happy to provide any extra information I can. Thanks.
champskees 22-25, M 21 Responses 1 Apr 16, 2011