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I Am a Sociopath

I lie, I cheat, I steal and i dont care as long as i get what i want. I'm 32 and iv been doing this for a long time. I want to get help but they say there's no cure. I'm afraid to ever let anyone in because i might get caught. I do very disrespectful things to people and i dont care. I want help, I'm tired of not being trusted, im tired of feeling dead inside. I want friends
bilsden bilsden 31-35 24 Responses Feb 18, 2008

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You don't sound like a sociopath, probably a different personality disorder. You wouldn't be afraid to let others in because you wouldn't feel fear the same way normal people do. Also sociopaths can usually switch on a fake charming personality, and wouldn't worry about who they hurt.

You called yourself a liar, a cheat, and a thief. That I believe. But, nothing in your post makes me believe you're a sociopath.

A sociopath doesn't want friends in the sense that they're seeking some deep emotional connections. Those connections are irrelevant. Sociopaths want to be trusted because trust makes manipulation of others possible. Sociopaths dont seek help because they believe there's nothing wrong with them. They don't "feel dead inside".

Sociopaths have all the same emotions others do. The difference is those emotions are turned inward. Sociopaths feel loss - as long as it's OUR loss. Sociopaths feel pain - as long as it's OUR pain. Empathy is the ability to put yourself in other people's shoes and feel their loss and their pain. THAT is the trait that's missing.

i'm sorry, but you need to learn to accept yourself and your position. I too am a sociopath, and went through what you are going through, but the sad fact is that nobody believes that a sociopath deserves love too. if you want love, or friendship etc, you can get it, but they will never love the real you, because there essentially is nothing there. So you need to develop self love.

Yeah, I hate that. It really sucks having to put on a show every time you meet someone. Usually I just mask it with philosophical thinking or humor (dirty as it gets), it avoids the situation in which I have to show my true colors.

Other than that I did find a few people who like the real me. I guess they take my self motivation and callousness for strength.

If friends is what you want go get them! Just portray the type of person they want to hang around, complimen them, be nice, and before you know it you can control them. Don't say you want to get help, this is a great advantage! Use it! You can still have a great life, turn your weaknesses into strengths. Practice acting on random people, try being different types of people, try to find one you're most comfortable with and can most easily portray, and use that one to pick a group of people that would hang around your made up person, find them, and BAM instant bffs :) problem solved my friend :) I think I just went on a long rant.. Ha!

I find the concept of personality portrayal fascinating. That must be fun!

sure, we can do that. But i would argue its not the same as actually having friends, it's just play acting at it.

You are not a sociopath because you feel ashamed im a sociopath and I dont care if im trusted or not I dont feel shame im 14 I dont feel commpasion or guilt or empathy sociopaths dont want to be cured we want to stay the way we are you are not a sociopath

nonsense. a sociopath feels for themselves; they might not feel shame in the eyes of others, but self hatred is exactly the sort of reflexive self-regarding emotion you would expect to find in the sociopathic mind.

You realize there are varying levels on the scale. It only takes 3 traits to be considered a sociopath and somewhere above 28 on the scale to be confirmed as "full on sociopath". Many people are sociopaths at such a low level they still have ties to their emotions, altruism. However this is only possible due to a higher narcissistic trait.

Interesting statistic. I do believe there are degrees of empathy / sociopathy, and I suspect some people that I know to be fairly sociopathic. Like the business man that is extremely confident in any meeting with big shots, traveling all over the country (and internationally) like it was nothing. No worries at all. They can be nice and seemingly considerate, and ask how you're doing, but you just could never imagine them feeling sad for anyone other person's misfortune. I certainly do not have that level of confidence. But I often feel a lack of empathy for people who behave in a manner in which I can't relate. When I see a reckless driver, for example, I would actually be happy to see them get in an accident. But, I wouldn't want the accident to involve someone else, who was innocent. I guess it is a matter of justice trumping empathy.

I'm not sure how correct I am but I believe that empathy is something that is learned as well as felt naturally. Sociopaths, if you've researched enough, are basically regular people who at some point were able to feel emotions and empathize but do to environmental factors (family, neighborhood, poverty, etc.) they developed a protective mechanism causing them to lack those abilities.

Best way I can think of it is that our brains are like computers with a basic software. You can add, upgrade and delete programs according to your needs but it takes effort from the user (environment) and compliance from the antivirus software (victim's natural defense). If the user doesn't upgrade a program (emotions) then the computer (brain) runs it at a very basic and problematic level or the antivirus perceives the outdated program as a threat and deletes it.

In the case of businessmen it's usually either learned self confidence or heightened narcissism. Of course many are sociopaths or psychopaths but alot of people are just that confident and self motivated and merely hide their empathy and emotions for business purposes.

In your case you're probably not a sociopath, I could be wrong. You're merely observing a problematic person and using their actions subconsciously to imagine a scenario in which they get their just dessert. It would be much different if you were to cause the "accident" or confront the person in hopes of a violent or escalated altercation.

A discussion on TED Talks featured a man describing how the bar for consideration of being a sociopath/psychopath is actually very obscure and low. Most people would be considered psycho/sociopaths due mainly to our human instinct which is frowned upon. The difference lies in what actions are taken and for what reasons. In the discussion they basically "touched" on how anybody will lie, cheat, steal, kill, etc. if it's for the reasons of avoiding trouble. They compared this to a serial killer or even your average joe sociopath who would do any of these things, mentioned or not mentioned, for joy or any reason in which this brought on a sense of feeling.

Essentially we all have socio/psychopathic traits, it really just lies on which ones are present and/or how elevated they are.

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You are brave. Just that you're worried about this and you have a need to not hurt others, I believe you can. Do not listen or pay attention to people or things you read which say that you cannot change. I know you will. My humble opinion is you are not a sociopath. Check out a children's hospital or volunteer and see how you change. You will change that negative picture you have painted of yourself and it's a great way to gain confidence and you are so very worth it. Love is out there for you. Hugs

I don't violate others. I violate the system. I don't play by the rules. Those that make the rules: they only want to control me I have some respect for others. It may be difficult to show because no one ever gets too close to me. Trust issues keep me at bay.

you said, "i want help"

thats a start!
i guess from my own experience, personal development of mental coaching can do make wonders.

i guess u have kind of conscience because you know.
read some books, i wont say that it will work, but you can try, read How to make friends and influence people, by dale carnegie.
or how to stop worryingband start living also by dale carnegie.

it might be usefull.

you are not alone, with this illness. please dont think that you cant be happy or that you think yoy never will.
lufe is much too surprisingly for that. tiday rain, tomorrow, overcast, the day after tomorrow the sun breakes through... mentally speaking.

never give up trying.

share your thoughts here, there are allways people that sort of can handle living with a sociopath, if you do NOT manipulate and be as much honest about whats going on in your mind.

4 real, i wanna be your buddy, but eh... the netherlands is maybe a little to far away...

The fact that u want friends is a positive sign. I can't imagine how lonely it must be. Sounds like you're a part of the three percent that actually stands a chance for a healthy life

Is there anyone here that could answer some questions for me about sociopaths? I am so sad and think someone I am close with might be one :( my friends and I are sad and want to try to figure this out. Thank you in advice --skylar

You have some questions for me?? :)

Act;ually a good question of definition, so I looked it up. Please note that Many people with this disorder are not violent.[citation needed).<br />
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Axis II personality disorder characterized by "...a pervasive pattern of disregard for, and violation of, the rights of others that begins in childhood or early adolescence and continues into adulthood."[1]<br />
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So I suggest you can violate your own rights, but no other person. If you do, the law will punish you. Like an addiction, maybe that is what you are waiting for.

I think it's pretty simple to get better. If you want friends, you have to improve your behavior. It's not like you don't know when you're behaving baldy... you just don't feel guilty as a consequence. A bad reputation can be tough to break out of so you may have to move. Then start treating others as you would have them treat you. Simple. Try to be more than fair with people... make sure they get the best part of everything. Live your life like this; otherwise, you will re-earn a bad reputation.

sociopaths are generally aware that something about them is different. Sociopaths do not see themselves as normal they see themselves as better then normal. Can a sociopath want to change? I believe so but i also believe is is rare. sociopaths cannot be helped by an individual such as a shink and whatnot but in group of socios with the same goal, it can be effecive. I had sought help from a shrink and found myself lying to her and telling her that every was under controll untill she said i showed great inprovement and released me from her council.

LOL this guy is the furthest thing from being a sociopath. True sociopaths, like people who are truly insane, cannot realize/understand that they are sociopaths. They see themselves as normal, not as a person with a psychological disorder. <br />
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"but they say there's no cure"<br />
Exactly because they see themselves as normal, thus there's nothing to be cured.

You are wrong we dont se ourselves as normal we no we are sociopaths

EE boy, This was a good thread<, Ive been involved witha sociopath for a couple years nw, only diffenence is now he quit drinking and tells people that he has a personality disorder and wants Social Security...Is this a step forward maybe???

Is anyone on here and actual sociopath that i can speak with?

Yes, but only a few of us. You can talk to me, just don't expect me to pay attention past the point it interests me to talk to you.

interresting...

Wow... Aren't you the guys the cream of the crop... PriestAzrael, he may need to use Logic. You need to use a spell checker.<br />
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And people can change it just very rarely happens. Regardless of which, most people lie, cheat and steal. Say anything to get what they want. It is the land of the free no?<br />
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Sympathy isn't what he wants. If he wanted Sympathy he'd just whisk up a story. He didn't even TRY for Sympathy. No "my father did this too" or my "mother never trusted me" although I'm sure there's a story there too.<br />
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Maybe he's trying for attention... Well you guys aren't even putting in the effort into your replies, trying to make yourselves seem like you've got so much intelligence with your Nietzche Negative Pseudo Philosophies.<br />
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And horrible grammar.<br />
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...People Lie cheat and steal... It's no lie when people say that eventually it catches up to them.<br />
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Eats them from the inside and leaves them empty. Something that only true positive things can fill. He wrote down the truth. He wrote it down because I'm guessing he might just not have anywhere else to write it...<br />
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I'd also guess he dug his own grave. That's why he's here.<br />
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No where else to go.

lol, why dont you use logic you obviously dont realy want to stop you just want responses like we all do when we go through our wierd little stages.<br />
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use logic u moron and that way you can decifer what should be appropriate and what isn't.<br />
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you have to train yourself, i bin doing it since i was a kid.

is there even a little part of you that enjoys doing these kinds of things? just curious

could not agree more RC

Umm obviously you do care, or u wouldn't want help, a friendship, or the respect of others. On the other hand, you could just be seeking the attention and sympathy of others; in that case, SHAME on you! Lmao. Anyways, get over it! There is no help for people like me/them/us/you...? All there is is to live with it, enjoy it, and do it as long as we can until something intervenes. If it is really that bad, I would suggest a cup of bleach or a bungi-less jump. I have done the whole theraputic puzzle factory experience before, and it got me nowhere and still wondering. The quicker you accept who you are, the more enjoyable life will become.

He wants sympathy because sociopaths generally want sympathy. Isn't it supposed to be better than money, power or sex? When he gets sympathy he can continue doing the same exact things and people will put up with it.

And you want people's sympathy because ... ?