Sociopath Or Something Else?

Sometimes, I can't help but wonder if people are right about me.. Maybe I really am just a cold, heartless person, or maybe I'm something else.

I've come to notice that a lot of my unlikable characteristics are unchanging.
A few people in my life have labeled me a sociopath, or have pointed out many antisocial personality traits in me.

I'm going to try to profile myself as objectively as possible:

I come across as uncaring and detached most of the time. Things that should evoke some sort of emotion do not. Death, sickness. I am never disconcerted by things that are usually very upsetting to most people. I don't cry at funerals, and I've been faced with terminal illness in the family and haven't been troubled by the thought of them passing. My mother often asks me is, "Do you care about anything? What do you care about?" And when faced with this question by others, I come up blank.

Feelings of depression or emptiness are constant. Nothing ever satisfies me. Nothing is ever enough. I need to be constantly entertained and stimulated. Many of the people in my life, "friends", coworkers, family members, have noticed that I'm not all there. I'm always somewhere else, I'm in my head.

As far as family goes, I exploit them. I spend a lot of time with my mother. She thinks we are very close. She talks to me, I never listen, I'm somewhere else, I'm listening to my music. What she says is not important to me. She wants to be social. Nonetheless, I accompany her because she does whatever I want. She wants a shopping buddy, I want her to buy me things. That's it. Sometimes, I get my sister to help me with projects for school, or ask her to assist me in something. She does it for me gladly, but I never return the favor.

I've never been good at keeping relationships. Friendships and relationships are short lived. I have difficulty keeping in touch with the people in my life. I never go out of my way to keep my contacts. I'm simply uninterested. I lose friends, and partners. As far as romantic relationships go, I've never been able to keep a long term relationship. I've had about three or four lasting no more than 3 months maximum. The thing about relationships is, I only get into them when there is something in it for me. In all cases, I have never entered into a relationship because I was genuinely interested in the person. I do it to further advance myself, my professional pursuits, social status. When I get what I want I leave, or if the individual breaks up with me, and I haven't gotten what I wanted, I'm not particularly saddened, rather upset that I couldn't control the situation.

I am a loner, and honestly, I like it that way. I lack social interest. I noticed that most people are quite happy hanging out with other people and friends, where as I am not. Whenever someone wants to get together, or hang, I don't take pleasure. To me, spending time with others is more of a chore. When I'm out with someone, I'm not thinking about how much fun I'm having, or am going to have, how I can't wait to do it again, and how I wish it would never end. In my head I'm thinking, "I can't wait for the day to end, can't wait to get out of this situation and return home to be by myself." I like my space.

I can't empathize with others. Things evoke little to no emotion in me. I don't care, because I don't understand, I can't really feel what others feel. There is only me.. I am selfish, I am vain. I only think about how things will benefit me, how they affect me, but no one or nothing else. If I hurt someone in the process, I never feel bad about it. A friend of mine I've known for six years told me that she thinks everyone in my life is dispensable to me. She hated that. Told me that I use people and throw them away when I'm done. She was one of the only person outside of my family that came close enough to see what I was.

Perhaps, I'm repeating myself. I'm only trying to be as thorough as possible.

I should note that in no way am I a good actor. Well, that may not be entirely true. As first blush, many people think of me as quite sweet, and charming, and kind... until they get to know me. The adjectives used later turn into, manipulative, twisted, sick, and selfish. I don't like to pretend, because I don't feel I have anything to hide. Why should I? Why would I pretend, when I don't care.

Back to the acting, I am an aspiring songwriter/singer. I've always had trouble with being sincere. I can write the words, show you what something feels like, or what something's supposed to feel like, but I can never make you believe it. I don't believe it. I don't have the honesty, and the "feeling" that good singers/performers have, because I don't know how to feel it. My producer used to make me rerecord the same lines over and over again until I got it right. He never believed my "emotions". I couldn't fake them, because I'd never felt them.

So, I'm curious, am I a sociopath? or am I just a detached, uncaring person?
distortedviolet distortedviolet
18-21, F
9 Responses Oct 17, 2011

Yes. You are a sociopath. You exhibit all the signs.

You are not a sociopath. I can feel the emotion in your words. You are just depressed, which tends to lead to a lack of empathy as well as some narcissism.

Hello,<br />
<br />
My name is Alex, I am a sociopath. I read your story, and yes you do show some qualities of one but no empathy and only caring for yourself are 2 traits of a Sociopath. There are so much more to being one. You are just hardened and what the term means is. You have token so much from the world and it has made your heart hard, and has made you not care. Well welcome to the world no one cares.<br />
Also another point! You show no charm or likable traits, a Sociopath can mold himself or herself into anyone and get anyone like them, but yet you, no one likes you (according to your story) So just because some things about you matched up does not mean your a Sociopath. Another point is have you ever killed anything? I bet you have not, killing is a high and form of power but for a Sociopath it is fun and they urge to do it. Also it seems like you are sad and depressed as you clearly stated in your story, so that means you will conform to anything that accepts you. You are not one, you lack a lot of the traits <br />
Please I would sit down with yourself and really think about what you really are, so far you have not convinced me.

i was just asking a question. I've come to realize that, though I have hurt others, I don't personally have much interest in purposely doing so.

my head's a little twisted, but I don't have the desire for blood lust.

Fact: Not all sociopaths are ruled by blood lust. lol

I've found that though I do have some antisocial personality traits, I'm more of a schizoid type. It's sort of in the same realm, but more a long the lines of not desiring much social contact, or close relationships, intimacy. It's being cold and detached. So.. probably not a sociopath, I do agree. Hence, why I wanted some help figuring things out.

I'm probably more of an antisocial-schizoid.
-Quiet, indifferent, detached, no desires for close relationship, no physical intimacy, and introspective with a preoccupation with fantas

You sound like a stereotypical sociopath. my question is... do you want to care? do you want to feel for people? to love and be loved back? what I want to know is, if that desire to have compassion is there at all, if you, and other sociopaths can be helped, or if you're doomed to hurt and take advantage of people your whole lives? do you have any emotion inside your heart that isn't all about you? I tend to be quite anti social too, but it's because most of the people I meet are not people I would like to associate with. they're uncaring, self centered and shallow. So I choose not to associate with them. But for those few good hearted people I know. I care for them very deeply. I know that isn't the case for your antisocial behavior. so anti social behavior can arise for many reasons and doesn't nessisarily have to do with you being a sociopath.

This is me. This right here. I've spent 33 years ******* people around &amp; ******* up due to having no care. I still don't actually connect but I now want to learn, albeit for the simple reason that I can't be bothered to keep starting over &amp; my life will be easier if I can learn a bit of humanity &amp; have a proper relationship. Probably not a great reason but it's a start?

yes it is a start, and that's better than nothing. at least for whatever reason you want to change, even if it's for selfish reasons the point is you want to try. I would suggest getting some professional help when trying to learn to care for others and have compassion. I don't know if it's possible to learn that, but I do know that with the aid of a professional psychologist your chances will improve.

WHY is being ANTI-social a BAD thing? To me it's the same thing as being ANTI-LECHEROUS, as in: leech. and something else, those who AREN'T "antisocial" should be labeled with something that's just as fair: anti-independence disorder. if it makes you feel better, the only people i like are the people like me and the less you like everyone else, the more i like you... and THEY like you but they can only bring YOU down.

HA! good one you ****** idiot!

It's normal... don't worry about it, these emapaths are annoying as hell. I mean, we play their games to get what we want but it's exhausting. It can be such a relief to just let the acting fall away. I only do such in private, when no one is around to see. You might want to consider the same, it sounds like the family is getting a little too close for comfort. I dont enjoy socialities either, but they're necessary for us to stay ahead. You have to realize, it's a race, stay ahead and suffer, or relax and get left behind. I dont personally support the full time moocher type of socio, which it sounds like you're leaning towards, but hey, screw it it's your bucket of **** waiting to happen, not mine. You can either put up a huge front here, it won't be easy mind you, or you can do the probably more sane thing and just get away. Ditch them all and start over, i do it when people around start sniffing about too much. If you won't fake emotions (sensing a hint of laziness?) then you'll be moving around one helluva lot, but hey that's just my two cents.

You sound like one scary S.O.B I feel sorry for the people in your life.

You would be sorrier if you WERE in my life :)

I'm glad I'm not in your life, I've had to deal with one or two sociopaths and one definite psychopath in my life. And I never want to have to go through that again!

theres a good about sociopaths called the sociopath next door

i'm currently reading it actually. :)

Where do I find this? Is it an online thing or an Amazon search or what?

The standard for women to be emotional is higher than men. I can get away with being stoic because I'll be seen as the silent strong type but you will be seen as a heartless person.<br />
<br />
I relate with alot of what you've said here; especially when you started talking about people and their usefulness.

You sound like a typical first world bourgeois brat to me.<br />
<br />
You seem like a sweet piece of ***, though, so I'm joking.