I Have A Problem Keeping The Mask On When....

So, I was talking to my therapist.... (Ah yes ... I talk to a therapist.. not for sociopathy however.. I'm a part of another mental health group if you happen to be curious.). And I was told "I don't see any real indications of sociopathy. You seem very in tune with other's emotions." Hmm.. That was nice to know. :) But a little useless in the therapy setting.

Again, I'll say as I always have, I'm not going to say I'm a sociopath. I just come to the group for the discussion, the heartwarming stories, and the posers that make sociopaths' anonymous all sunshine and rainbows. :P And I happen to have a few things in common.

I personally, have seen a wide range of how "sociopaths" and "psychopaths" here handle "blending in" with the people around them. I myself, have a very good facade. It comes completely automatically, meaning all my up front work as a child paid off. I watched people, and practiced for hours in front of a mirror, which is probably not unlike many of you.

I carefully taught anything I learned to my younger siblings as I saw they needed it, manufacturing a few excellent liars in the family.

But no matter what I do... my mask falls off the moment I talk about my relationship with violence and what I've done in the past. While I can be perfectly polite and socially correct to the point where I almost believe myself, nothing puts me back into my personal truth like explaining to someone what's so "bad" about me. I can't help myself. The moment I start dwelling on the past actions or the present urges is the moment I suddenly become exactly what the asker is afraid of.

And any memory of any emotional tie I know that person has for me falls away, and I'm left with nothing. No inhibitions, no emotional savvy, no emotional anything for that matter... just desire to do something... that will probably complicate my life to no end.

But I then have to remind myself my desires are not worth risking jail time over... and look for other outlets. But I wondered if anyone else had this experience. Anybody snug in your sheep's clothing until you're reminded you're actually a wolf?

Ack..... people become frightened and realize they have no real significance to me. Or they engage in denial. I'm a strange person in the fact that either response doesn't bother me. I couldn't care what those who I don't really care for think about me. This is not intenitional or personal... I just hardly know they exist. XD

I'm always so surprised when someone asks a "What about my feelings" sort of question. The only response I've got to that is "What do you MEAN?!?!?" Why they even bother to ask I can't even imagine. Probably if someone is asking me that question, I'm wondering in a little disbelief that the person even has "feelings," why they'd ever assume I had any emotional attachment for them in the first place, or why they assume their emotions matter to me BECAUSE they are their's! Sometimes empaths can be so arrogant! :P Those are the situations where there is truly no honest and graceful way out. You chose one or the other, but not both.

Any one dealt with this awkward scenario, or am I just a confused little empath who's got her wires crossed? ;) Do tell.
flip12 flip12
18-21, F
1 Response May 10, 2012

Thank-you for that story. I confronted my friend about his sociopathic traits and have come to accept him as he is; I try not to think about it too deeply. I am most likely the only person he knows that has confronted him with my knowledge and stuck around. Every time I talk about something that involves my feelings I will often preface it with "I know you don't care one way or another but this is how it is with me..." I have to say that I'm glad I found out and was stupid enough at the time to think that I needed to confront him and discuss our issues together. He may not care about me at all, but his actions say otherwise. Why? I don't know because he gets no more from me than I get from him. But I'm glad about it. Some days he does a bang-on job of acting the friend and other days he lets his true self out. He should know he doesn't have to act around me, but now and again, it "feels" good to me that he does.