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Who Believes the Self-confessed Sociopath?

I don't believe half the people who claim to be sociopaths. I will admit that all who claim that (especially using their real identities) are certainly screwed up individuals. Why should you believe me that I am? Who cares? Just read. The labels really don't matter. Narcissist? Psychopath? Sociopath? Borderline? Who really cares? I just want to brag about who I am since I like what I am. I feel unrestricted and I feel at an advantage despite my phases of misery and depression. I am not devoid of conscience. It's just off from time to time.

What I can tell you about me is that I cannot put myself in others' shoes. I never feel bad about anything I do: For me to have taken an action in the first place means that I had justified in my mind why I would do it. Why feel bad after? I also have no firm principles or beliefs that I can't get rid of. I am whatever you want me to be so long as it works to my benefit. I am not the compulsive liar but I will lie convincingly when it suits me and I use selective honesty like a seasoned professional all while staring you in the eye with most heart-warming sincerity. I don't cheat or deceive for financial gain since I don't need to. I'm a minimalist and anti-consumerist by nature. I live among a small population with no chance for easy relocation where reputation must be guarded with one's life. The only thing that motivates me to go on is power -- my relationship of dominance over others. Fame, notoriety, money, sex are all secondary objectives.

I am sadistic. A smile comes to my lips when I hear stories of others being hurt. I enjoy hurting others myself -- emotionally, physically, verbally. I am the guy in the cinema who can't help but laughing when all others cringe at the sight of suffering of some innocent before them. I enjoy fighting and I am a mean son of a ***** when I take to drinking. I will pick on even those who are stronger than me: bouncers, the police. I will tell them incredible things hoping to get the crap kicked out of me or to be tossed in a cell. It never happens though. I kick the crap out of others. Sometimes others kick the crap out of me. I am masochistic. I hurt myself at times too and it doesn't bother me. A little pain lets you know you are alive.

I would *never* tell another person face to face that I am one. Some clever folks have seen the red flags and two or three have dared to call me by that label. It terrifies me when people see through my charming behaviour to the core. I avoid them. I think about them constantly and how I should handle them since they are a threat to me, my identity and my place in my social milieu. I find that avoiding them is the easiest thing. Nobody should ever be allowed to see through the mask. It's difficult acting normal and it wears me out but there's a price to be paid for letting your guard down and revealing the soulless being inside.

When I first encountered the term "sociopath" I was naive enough to share my suspicions with my girlfriend at that time and it was stupid. How do you tell a girlfriend that you really are incapable of loving her? Obviously you shouldn't. Once I saw how the information was affecting her, I quickly had to go back on all that I said and convince her that my self-diagnosis was inaccurate and that the various checklist criteria didn't apply to me. You quickly lose the naivite of confessing who you are when you realise that this kind of honesty does more damage to your social relationships. People would rather not know that you are not like them and that you don't care for them or feel for them or that if you do you only care for them like the owner of a prized possession.

Both my parents died when I was young. I benefited from good parenting and a good education so I have a strong moral education as well and as I am self-sustained financially I don't hit anybody up for simple things like money. To ask people for money is simply beneath me. I abhor other anti-social individuals. There is no community among us as far as I am concerned and I want to hurt all the others who share my experience. I reserve a special hatred in the deep recesses of that vile beating blood pumping instrument of mine I call a heart for con-artists, gamblers and thieves.

As I said, I have a strong moral background and education but I believe in nothing. I wouldn't go so far as calling myself amoral but there's no belief I wouldn't sacrifice in the name of expediency. It matters not to me with which religion I identify publicly. I believe in no god. I don't really believe I am God but I sure do feel like it. I feel as if only my experiences matter and that I have a clear insight into the way things are to which no other man or woman is privy. With that said, yes, I have shoplifted and stolen and engaged in other criminal behaviour but mostly just to try out crime just to see if I could. I have never been convicted of any crime and as far as the world knows I am a respectable individual based on my profession. I have no deep seated criminal convictions and only do these things to see if I can get a kick out of them. The fun never returns if I do the same thing over and I find that I have to escalate the activity to re-experience the joy of doing something that you aren't supposed to do or to be somewhere where you shouldn't be.

The most difficult part of being who I am is that you can never share your experiences except anonymously and this here is not exactly anonymous since my information has been logged, timestamped and recorded. This is fairly harmless information though and works more as a kind of therapy for me. I am convinced of my own superiority and it's silent suffering never being able to share the greatness of your character with others. I feel sometimes as if I am separate from the species known as homo sapiens.

Do I use and discard people? Sure. There's a great forum with whiney pansies who dated jerks on MSN groups called PSYCHOPATH dedicated to helping them heal that refers to my behaviour as idealisation and devaluation. I participated for some time but they quickly discovered my lack of empathy and booted me out. No love lost. They were beginning to annoy me with all their sob stories and irresponsible behaviour. An example of their nonsense was that they blame psychopaths for *everything* -- for giving them sexually transmitted infections instead of simply practising safe sex with a condom, for example. Idiots. Having the knowledge that I use and discard people does not help me to control the behaviour. It's really just a manifestation of my boredom with others. Why should I waste my precious seconds of living being around you or listening to you if there is no utility in our exchanges?

Do I need people? Yes, I need people. Power is a relationship among people. To exercise power you need people. Do I enjoy compliments? It depends. They don't really matter that much since they re-affirm all that I know about myself but I do enjoy being adored. It means the person is in some way under my control. Do I like criticism? No, especially when it comes from morons with half-baked ideas.

Do I have emotions? I feel mostly rage, boredom and the brief epsiodes of sheer excitement -- the dopamine rush -- when through my own cleverness I have attained my ends. My other emotions are quite shallow and I find it difficult to communicate to others what I feel. I usually switch the topic when people ask me to describe in any detail how I feel.

People looking at my pictures will always fixate on my eyes. They can't quite pin down what's behind them. Some find them beautiful, penetrating. For the ones who say nothing and probably know what I am, I am sure they see only the emptiness inside them.

gewissenlos gewissenlos 26-30, M 143 Responses Jun 14, 2008

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I'm sure that I've heard the word on television or the like, but I had never heard in any context that interested me. I certainly notice when I hear or read it now. As I said, this is a very small rural community in the northwest, and good old folks just don't sit around and talk about such things. I have also consistently resisted becoming involved in any type of therapy or mental health situation. I have not been incarcerated. Why on earth would anyone say that word to me especially if they suspected that there might something "off" about me? The point is...no, I had not known what the word meant previous to meeting up with that date.

so as i understand..... u have just recently learned the nuts and bolts of the word....the dymnacics

Reply by gypsyblu Jan 14th, 2012 at 1:00PM <br />
you mean to tell us, you never heard the word in any type of conversation "sociopath' where you live.... hard to believe ! what do the people speak of .....weather? i get the impression there is very small pool of educated people where you live .......

not that u have to be highly educated to know the word

This is great, in the handful of years since I discovered what society at large apparently thinks I am, I'd focused on reading the "victims" accounts of sociopathy, and much information written in academic fashions. Until today I'd neglected to think that there might be others willing to chat about things. I will be coming by to read in the future. Living in a small rural community, and dropping out of college twice, I had never heard the term sociopath until I went on a blind date with a Psychologist. When she, after a few hours of exciting conversation told me that she believed me to be a sociopath, I couldn't wait to get home and start googling. She was flabbergasted that I took no offense when she explained at length what the term is thought to represent in people like me. It was though I had written a memoir and she was reading it back to me. That night changed my life. I had known that there was something different about me since my teen years, and over time I just assumed that for whatever reason, "That's just the way life is so you'd better learn how to deal with the situation and get the most out of it." For the first time I read accounts of others that admitted having the same thought processes and motivations as I do, and I'm at a loss to describe it. Normal people have no idea how strange it is to spend decades wondering why other people repeatedly make the same foolish and emotional decisions over and over and over again. My general consensus of regular people was that either I am far more superior to them in terms of intelligence, or that I am mentally handicapped and none would bother to confirm it to me. Now, after four years of learning and reading, I'm convinced that my "condition" is a combination of both. I do not think that I'm evil. I'm just different. When my wife tells me she loves me, I reciprocate, and even though I truly have no concept of what she's talking about...I need her, and I enjoy having her and her means at my disposal. That's the closest I can get to understanding what love is. I had always in the past referred to love as "mutual convenience." Well, I'm babbling. Imagine someone that is finally able to communicate with others about the REAL reasons that he does things. It's exciting stuff.

I mean I can be like that occasionally but I would'nt call myself a sociopath mainly because I can turn it off and on like a light switch I'm only like that when the time calls for it. There are the instances when I can't control it and I just go on spree hurting everyone and anyone. I also decieve but only to get what I want or need it was horrible when I was a kid. Knew too much as a kid most people think I'm older than I am. I do have a high tolerance for pain and a few times burned myself. Really don't mind blood or gore or any of that crap but I don't feel the need or want to hurt someone all the time they have to hurt me or if they are trying in order for me to get that point but there were a few moments I did have the need when I lose it and went through with it only to stop myself. But later i do regret it in the back of my head I know I don't though but I try to be feel like I do I care. I once tried to aplolgize for what I did but found myself laughing out loud in front of them. I hate scaring people I actually want in my life but I find myself not caring and enjoying it sometimes. I think I'm scared when I actually will stop caring then again Iknow in reality I don't care. I literally have to force myself to care it's gets worse as the days go by. Now I try to keep away from anyone because of some of the things I say. I use to be destructive for fun but as I got older I learned to tone it done for social reasons. My bf is a sociopath and my best friend is too apparently I keep them grounded they say I know it's rather I don't fall for the bs and know how to hurt them when they try me. Believe or not it's easy to hurt a sociopath well for me I mean my bf underestimates people as far as being smart and thinks nothing can touch him so I just play on it. Usually whatever of interest I **** up in retaliation and give as little attention or admiration possible drives them ******* crazy. I honestly don't think they know but anyways saying all that what does that make me?

YOU DONT HAVE TO BE CLEVER TO SEE A PERSON AS UR SELF............... YOU MAY NOT KNOW IT.....BUT PEOPLE SEE THROUGH IT ............ EVEN SO CALLED, REGULAR PEOPLE.........PEOPLE TALK YA KNOW, MAYBE NOT TO U...... but among them sevles they do

u seem like a bible thumper to me ....................ur moral back grd .. to use and abuse......

sounds very much like my mother father and brother very chilling most be in the genes.

yeah that's what i needed now i'm sure that i'm one

Sick dude. I think that i have APD, or some sort of narcasistic antisocial thing. Im 16 and wondering wtf i should do because i genuinly disregard and hate people. So far i gues ive been careless in that ive gotten in a shitload of fights and i have no idea what i am suppose to do with my pointless life. I assume i gues that you are more experienced. I abuse people lie and whatever. I am ahead of my class with IQ ahead of my peers. I feel a pointlessness now. Ive seen therapists but i disregard them after a few visits. I just end up lieing. I dont know what the point of life is. Ive done everything exciting so far. I have. I want to know what you are living for. What is your point. Gues if this was me i might find it slightly interesting to explain my success to an asspiring ... w/e. Not to be philosophical but am i just suppose to have more sex and steal more **** to make me happy.. cause im getting bored fast. I just want an idea of what i should aim for in this game. You ugly piece of ****. And im not a dumbass 16 year old. Ive been tested.

Do sociopaths enjoy music and art? If they do, is it the same way the people without this disorder (or perhaps gift depending on who you ask) enjoy it?

domig good question

There's nothing great being a sociopath. I became one because of lifelong traumatic experiences starting with being a kid. I pity others who claim they are one (last 2 boyfriends) and really they had such weak minds it drove me mad. I pitied them and loathed them for their weaknesses. So I played around with their emotions on a never ending emotional roller coaster and then dumped them. I guess maybe I felt they deserved it, I have no idea.<br />
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It isn't fun when I'm at work and a coworker points out to me that there's this look in my eye that makes him uncomfortable. What look? Hell if I know. Maybe he see's a predator even though I don't live as one or try to anyways.<br />
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I suppose it's easier to see around all the emotional stuff to the real truth that most people seem to not be able to get around which is nice to be able to do but not having any real emotion also means a real lack on the whole "human" experience. Like having an actual best friend or really caring about people. Putting forth a real effort to make and keep friends etc. I really don't care to put forth an effort for things like that. Although it is cool that my twin sister is also a sociopath so maybe that's why I don't? I don't know.<br />
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I try to live up to better ideals than just preying on people, besides that gets really boring. And always trying to live up to my own standards is a daily battle. Also, as a sociopath it is way more easier to pin point other sociopaths. Just take a look in their dead empty eyes, how they speak and handle emotional responses etc. <br />
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To be honest it sounds like you've read about sociopaths and maybe have a couple of things in common but really just aren't one. Or maybe you're like one of my previous boyfriends that claimed to be thus.

Sometimes, I, as a maybe-sociopath, point out those traits in others just to make them feel uncomfortable. I enjoyed hearing that you squirm. That said, when somebody does the same to me, I have much the same reaction.

Very interesting. I am 36 and just realized my brother is a sociopath. I am still not sure if he is a sociopath or a psychopath but I am leaning toward the sociopath even though he is extremely neat and organized with his stuff, so much that people have diagnosed him as being obsessively clean and net. He and I never got along and I always knew it was because I could see through his B.S. Of course I never knew it was a disorder of such a proportion. Now I realized that he didn't only try and often succeed to manipulate me but he also manipulated our parents into believing that i am the bad one and the cause of our animosity. When in fact I was the one always' wanted to help him out and bail him out of trouble. We haven't spoken for 8 years and he visited for five days. How quickly do the bad feeling come back, it is incredible. After he left I was looking up information on internet about how to deal with family member who is a pathological liar. In one of the links it was connected to Psychopathy and once I read the symptoms I knew without a doubt he was one. I suppose it gives me a certain peace of mind to know that I can never explain to him how he hurt me, can never win an argument and make him see the truth about his actions towards me. He knows the truth, of course, has always known it and I was always loosing my precious energy trying to bring it out and make him see it. What a waste. This has also helped me distance myself from my parents and their poisonous affect on me. They are not sociopaths but they have some tendencies, so really there is no need to spend any more time fighting it all. It is now time to move on and block them out completely without trying to make the family relationship work. And keep my kids away from all three of them at all cost. For a long time I was sad that my kids don't have a relationship with any of my family members. Now I know that it is for their own good and it is O.K. that they don't. I am at peace with it all now. Just as long as I stay away from all of them I will be fine. Thank you all for sharing.

You have had a sad experience, but you have done absolutely the right thing by protecting yourself and your family.

"I suppose it gives me a certain peace of mind to know that I can never explain to him how he hurt me, can never win an argument and make him see the truth about his actions towards me. He knows the truth, of course, has always known it "

It's like you took those words right from my mouth! My brother is a pathological liar, and has hurt my image with other family members. I tried to get him to finally own up a week ago, but he showed me his true colors. Now I can walk away and cut him off with absolutely no regrets. He doesn't love anyone, he just uses people. But my sisters haven't found that out yet. I did tell the one I was close to, what I did, and why I did it. I didn't want her to hear from him first!

I consider myself to be a textbook sociopath and can relate to a lot of what you have said here gewissenlos. To the above poster, yes and no. I maintain a very flimsy relationship with my family (I am 24). I come over to see my father and mother once every couple of months for about an hour. I start off with small talk and then try to get an idea of whether my uncles estate was sold. You see, my uncle had a multi million dollar mansion, and my parents are entitled to approx 7.5% of its net worth. I know I can get a lot of this money from them once they recieve it, and that is the only reason I maintain a relationship at all with them. I have five younger brothers and a sister, I barely say a word to them the entire time im there. They have no value to me. I have never given any of my family members a present, or a birthday card/whatever. Would I care if they die? No. Would I cry? Definitely not. The only thing I would be concerned about is how much the funeral would cost; I would endeavour to make it as cheap for me as possible.<br />
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This sounds monstrous, and it is. I know this because of the reactions you get from people when you tell them the 'truth'; your opinions, your thoughts. The problem is that you don't realise you are a sociopath until damage has been done. It is a learning process; it takes time to understand that you are different from other people. By then it is hard to cover up who you are from those people, you really do have to start fresh.I think my family just used to think I was an arsehole, but they have started to find out information about me because of my carelessness. My family already knows a little too much about me: they know that I changed my name completely (not because I told them, but because they were snooping around in my car and found my CV - never trust anyone). They know that one of my degrees is very different to what I had told them, and changed professions a long time ago. <br />
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As for James Munroe, I cannot speak for anyone but myself but I am not a criminal. I do not have a criminal record. Not all sociopaths feel the need to kill, rape, steal etc because there are other ways to gratify yourself. I, for example, used to work in insolvency.<br />
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Being an insolvency accountant is one of the best jobs for a sociopath because you have all the power, you own all the rules, and your clients will do anything you say. I ripped off so many people in my first year I was promoted twice. I did things which I am too cautious to post here, but I will say that company records may have been deleted. I may have stolen company property. I may have sabotaged my co-workers work (who thought I was their best friend), 'fr<x>amed' other workers in the office, and taken bribes to stop a garnishee order being put through. I was never accused of any of this (if it hypothetically happened): no one ever knew. The only thing I didn't like was the accountablity; I ****** up so many things that it was only a matter of time before I had to get out otherwise I would have been caught and summarily fired. Too many loose strings create a complex web of lies (which I like), but one slip or unfortunate turn of events and you are done. This is I guess why sociopaths cannot hold a steady job; they have to keep moving to remain undetected. In my new job, I move to a completely different institution every year, which is perfect. <br />
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Do I enjoy being who I am? Absolutely. Sometimes I get lonely, especially when in a crowd. You see everyone smiling and laughing, and you wonder how they can keep it up for so long, and do it so easily. I think that is the only bad thing though, knowing that you are truly alone, you are a monster, and the only way you can truly be yourself is to post anonymously on forums. Everywhere else, you need to put on the act, and it drains you. <br />
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That being said, im 24, drive a high performance sports car, tall, dark, handsome, have an easy, comfortable, well paying job and an active lifestyle. People say if you're in a relationship with a sociopath, get out: they will use you. And that is where I feel people are wrong. 'Love' (and no, I don't believe in love, I believe in lust and hormonal urges) is said to be give and take. My gf's (I try to maintain two) give me what I want (money, status, sexual outlet, cover) and I give them what they want ( stable bf, convertible, nice house, weekend experiences etc). When I want to end a relationship, I just make them not want me anymore. This usually involves me acting goofy, wearing ugly clothes, not looking after myself for about a couple of weeks. Because I only really date attractive women, they usually move on and everyones happy - they don't know it but they are just as superficial as I am.<br />
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Truth is, the world is ugly. Society is disgusting. We monsters are just better suited to taking advantage of it.

" I start off with small talk and then try to get an idea of whether my uncles estate was sold. "

He's telling you all you need to know about a sociopath.

"I am not a criminal" and "I may have stolen company property" and "and taken bribes"

Typical of a sociopath's split mind - saying he's not a criminal, but then listing his crimes.

There's no "may have committed" here, we all know that. All he needs to do is maintain plausible

deniability, and he's scott-free! It's people like you who have damaged the US economy by

crashing the banking system with unethical practices. And many in government are doing the same

thing. I believe you when you say you are a sociopath!! Self-awareness doesn't lead to different

results, so don't be fooled.

@gewissenlos or anyone who think they're sociopath.<br />
I wonder about your relationship with your family, what do you feel about them, do you care i they're dead? would you cry if any of them dead?

Yeah.<br />
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I feel like I've totally dated you.<br />
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I wish people like you came with a neon sign saying "I will ruin you" so we don't get sucked in.<br />
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However, I do commend your honesty. You will never change. You see no need to. Everyone here trying to sell the benefits of empathy to you is wasting their time. You are a lost cause.

NEVER, EVER TRUST A SOCIOPATH! Even if they sound like nice, polite, self-aware, reasonable people. This is just their cover.

God im messed up. I find it strangely appealing.<br />
At least id understand his motives....

This is a very interesting thread and I have read most of it with a great deal of interest due to a terrible experience I am still enduring at the hands of a sociopath. I want to know when do they give up? Do they ever give up? Do i need to move house/job etc in order to get rid of him.. and also why does he have such a bizarre affect on me? A part of me enjoys his games and I even take part in them when I am that way inclined. I want rid of him but I know also I will miss him. I may be totally head f*cked for life. He has scarred me. Advice please would be very much appreciated. Is this normal?

NO CONTACT - the only successful strategy. They like messing with you, so don't let them!

wow you are so cool I want to be your bestest friend and do your ironing and tell you how wonderful you are allllllll dayyyyyy longggggg! <br />
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Hahahaha, joking. I also enjoy the attention that can be gathered by posting intimate details of your psyche on ****** social networking sites. It amazes me why people are so fascinated by sociopaths - we are evil and self-indulgent at our core, yet "normal" people appear to have a burning desire to understand what motivates our thoughts and actions. Rather ironic actually!

This guy is great, one might say a very gifted sociopath. Often times sociopathy is caused by some other stimulus, like a mother doing meth while pregnant. It's more or less a brain disorder that effects the Orbital Frontal Cortex and Prefrontal Cortex as well as amygdala. Is it any surprise though, after centuries and millenia of wars why wouldn't evolution create a person who could be merciless. It's ultimate survival. Why isn't empathy considered a disorder? Besides, a sociopath could be tricked as easily as another. You present them with enough potential gain and you can trap them into being a fall guy. I have to say though, the vast majority of sociopaths are drugged up and less than intelligent, more of a physical threat than financial or otherwise. This guy is someone you have to fear because of the ability to realize his condition and modify his actions ba<x>sed on it.

full of **** chief.

Im not a sociopath, but if I ever had to come across one, such as yourself, mark my words Id put a bullet in your head and I wouldnt feel a thing, it would be like pulling a single weed out of a field of millions. HOWS THAT FOR NO REMORSE. If need be, anyone can do the immoral things you do. You seem to think it makes you superior, it certainly does not. You should take in consideration the fact that all people are just like you, ALL DOING LITTLE THINGS IN THEIR LITTLE WORLDS, to make themselves feel better. Real superiority comes from being SELFLESS, now thats far more of a rare phenomenon. Your just another chicken trying to fly. lol.

I was involved with a sociopath. You are a proud race. It sickens me even thoug you can't help your shot comings. The fact that you are lacking in so many area, makes it very easy to detect, especially for those tht have come into contact with you. You are to be pitied, if it were worth the energy it would take. It isnt. My ex partner is still attempting to find me, to finish me off. He writes things about me in websites and has, he thinks, ruined me financially and yes he has, but not to the point he would have liked. He didnt barbain for my strength. He's a weak bully who needs a 'fall guy'. He thought it was me. He's ripping his hair out now because he's failed. His name is John (Jock) Cunningham. You can't miss him, he's a scawny repulsive little inidividual with piercing but cold, dead eyes!

tl;dr

I have read every single post on this thread, to this point and I must say, I am fascinated. <br />
Can I tell who is a real socio-path? No, I can't but I don't mind that. I can conclude from what I understand that there is a distinct separation between a socio-path and a psychopath. In light of this I do not fear socio-paths. Yes they are self serving individuals and yes I would probably empathise with anyone who managed to be part of a socio-paths plan, but they are not unlike many others; everyone wants something, according to this, it's how you go about getting it that defines you.<br />
Using people is something we all do, on a daily basis. Being proud of that is something entirely different. My question is, do we really need people for self gratification, why isn't our opinion of ourselves enough without needing to have it verified by someone other than ourselves?<br />
On that note I would like to thank everyone here for posting, be it fact or fiction I have indeed been educated.

Thats it? I had that for breakfast.

The story that began this thread is the single most disturbing narrative I have read in EP. Well written and clear to boot. The great tyrants of the 20th century were cut from the same cloth as gewissenlos. I do not understand how one can be like him and not be the victim of serious male-male violence. If there is a sociobiological ground for the propensity of our species to commit murder, it is to eliminate people like gewissenlos from the gene pool.

@jtwolfy You're 30-something<br />
i didnt block you.

LMFAO. at last you come back with something half decent.<br />
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still need work though. <br />
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it dont matter if it is pretend or not, I dont think it s going to effect my amusment.

What ever you literal c*ck sucker. Wow your bi? WTF you sexual devient. I lost all pretend respect for you.

lmfao. jtwolfy i think your funny but jesus you could do better than mother jokes couldnt you