A Sociopath...or Something
This is a brief story about me. I don't even honestly know where to start, but here we go...
I was always a happy-go-lcky kid growing up. I loved high school, and had a great friends who I really loved bein around with. Then, once leaving Hig School, life suddenly changed. Wanted happned after leavin School wasn't hat I expected, or waned, to happen.
I had high hopes and ambition for the future, all mapped out. I was gonna' go to college, university and do what I wanted. Unfortunately, I messed up my exams, failed everything, and was stuck working the 9-5 dead end route, mixing with "common" people I felt (and still do) were beneath me. I'm destined for bigger and better things than this.
I lost contact with my closest friends, my best friend actually acting out my own ambition of going to Uni and getting away to pastures new. I felt left behind and stuck, miserable and depressed.
As it stands today, I'm filled with anger and loathing. The two emotions I feel inside me them most. The friends I do have I use simply as a way to have an outlet into going out clubbing/bar hopping, drinking ect. I look down on generally all women, after a break-up which hit m hard years back. I see them as useless, mindless ***** who are only good for one thing. I make girls like me, fall for me and then keep them hanging, enjoying knowing how they're feeling when they don't get that call/txt back off me...feeling used, un-attractive, dumped.
I loath people and have no interest in them, or anything they say. I'll go through the motions and make chit-chat, put on the charm and flattery in a bar, but the words about their lives which spill from their mouths I have no interest in what-so-ever. I simply don't care...I'm simply not there. I have a general lack of empathy for people, and what there going through. Recently my Father lost his Mother and it hit him hard. But when I think about it, I can't really "feel" sorry about it. I enjoy ******** all over my little sister, making her feel small and unwanted, I haven't spoken to her for over 2 years...and we live in te same house. Nasty comments here and there, knowing she's weak minded and easyly upset. I get off on it.
My work ethic is ****, I hate all dead end jobs and find them beneath me, especially the people Im forced to have to work with all day. I get board with jobs after a short period, and usually lose them or purposefully lose them.
I'd say from the age of 16/17, I suddenly felt different from everyone around me. I didn't/don't think the same. There's more going on in my mind, than other's who think of nothing worthy. Oh, and I remeber enjoying killing and torturing frogs me and a friend would catch when we were kds...if that's anything to ya, lol.
I can't form any meaningful deep feeling relationship with a woman, as I doubt I'll ever find one I have full respect for. My usual thing is one-night stands, and then after that they plummet in my mind as being jut another dirty sex tool.
I'm rambling and don't where to go with this. There's so much more, but whatever.