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A Sociopath...or Something

This is a brief story about me. I don't even honestly know where to start, but here we go...
 

I was always a happy-go-lcky kid growing up. I loved high school, and had a great friends who I really loved bein around with. Then, once leaving Hig School, life suddenly changed. Wanted happned after leavin School wasn't hat I expected, or waned, to happen.

I had high hopes and ambition for the future, all mapped out. I was gonna' go to college, university and do what I wanted. Unfortunately, I messed up my exams, failed everything, and was stuck working the 9-5 dead end route, mixing with "common" people I felt (and still do) were beneath me. I'm destined for bigger and better things than this.

I lost contact with my closest friends, my best friend actually acting out my own ambition of going to Uni and getting away to pastures new. I felt left behind and stuck, miserable and depressed.

As it stands today, I'm filled with anger and loathing. The two emotions I feel inside me them most. The friends I do have I use simply as a way to have an outlet into going out clubbing/bar hopping, drinking ect. I look down on generally all women, after a break-up which hit m hard years back. I see them as useless, mindless ***** who are only good for one thing. I make girls like me, fall for me and then keep them hanging, enjoying knowing how they're feeling when they don't get that call/txt back off me...feeling used, un-attractive, dumped.

I loath people and have no interest in them, or anything they say. I'll go through the motions and make chit-chat, put on the charm and flattery in a bar, but the words about their lives which spill from their mouths I have no interest in what-so-ever. I simply don't care...I'm simply not there. I have a general lack of empathy for people, and what there going through. Recently my Father lost his Mother and it hit him hard. But when I think about it, I can't really "feel" sorry about it. I enjoy ******** all over my little sister, making her feel small and unwanted, I haven't spoken to her for over 2 years...and we live in te same house. Nasty comments here and there, knowing she's weak minded and easyly  upset. I get off on it.

My work ethic is ****, I hate all dead end jobs and find them beneath me, especially the people Im forced to have to work with all day. I get board with jobs after a short period, and usually lose them or purposefully lose them.

I'd say from the age of 16/17, I suddenly felt different from everyone around me. I didn't/don't think the same. There's more going on in my mind, than other's who think of nothing worthy. Oh, and I remeber enjoying killing and torturing frogs me and a friend would catch when we were kds...if that's anything to ya, lol.

I can't form any meaningful deep feeling relationship with a woman, as I doubt I'll ever find one I have full respect for. My usual thing is one-night stands, and then after that they plummet in my mind as being jut another dirty sex tool.

I'm rambling and don't where to go with this. There's so much more, but whatever.  

 

Bundy1 Bundy1 22-25 31 Responses Jul 15, 2008

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Bloomen heck! All these labels on people! Why would u want to be anything other than yourself? My daughter has ADHD, and I don't think every morning," oh! I must get my ADHD girl out of bed now!" We only got her diagnosed so she could have medication to help her at school, but we hatedbthe label that came with it. She was bullied, etc for having ADHD. Anyway, I've gone a tad off topic! SOCIOPATH OR NOT SOCIOPATH? That is the question!! Naaaaaaa!

You're definitely not a sociopath. Read a better book on them before you pretend to be one. :)

Sounds like you read a book and think you know what you're talking about. You don't. You wouldn't even if you had read a good book, but the one you're talking about is considered by experts to be sensationalistic and inaccurate.

If you are a sociopath your jsut doing this to get our emotions mad and to **** with people who dont liek you to get a rise out of somemone like me. If not then theres nothing wrong and your trying to ***** yourslef and you can't its wrong. You should get evaluated by a psychologist. <br />
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Personally i dont know you or if your being manipulative or jsut looking for an answer but it seems wierd to have a sociopath admiit to being different . Sociopaths dont wanna BE different so they jsut try to be like everyone else untill figured out and wander from victims to victims. It sounds like you have guilt becasue you took the time to care enough about youself and the situations and stories to know what you did was wrong and you dont ewant to.<br />
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Sociopaths can be ANYONE in high and low jobs and colleges . There everywhere and we meer tthem everyday and cant even tell. <br />
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if you really wanna know a good book about sociopaths and how they really are. read 1 in 25 people you meet are sociopaths. its a interesting cool thign to learn although one of the saddest.<br />
I dont feel sorry for you.

If you are a sociopath your jsut doing this to get our emotions mad and to **** with people who dont liek you to get a rise out of somemone like me. If not then theres nothing wrong and your trying to ***** yourslef and you can't its wrong. You should get evaluated by a psychologist. <br />
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Personally i dont know you or if your being manipulative or jsut looking for an answer but it seems wierd to have a sociopath admiit to being different . Sociopaths dont wanna BE different so they jsut try to be like everyone else untill figured out and wander from victims to victims. It sounds like you have guilt becasue you took the time to care enough about youself and the situations and stories to know what you did was wrong and you dont ewant to.<br />
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Sociopaths can be ANYONE in high and low jobs and colleges . There everywhere and we meer tthem everyday and cant even tell. <br />
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if you really wanna know a good book about sociopaths and how they really are. read 1 in 25 people you meet are sociopaths. its a interesting cool thign to learn although one of the saddest.<br />
I dont feel sorry for you.

You appear to have a strong sense of entitlement and a grandiose sense of self-worth. You exploit others without being capable of forming close relationships with them and wind up blaming THEM and THEIR faults for it instead of taking responsibility yourself. I also detect a hint of definite jealousy in your tone when you speak of your friend who went on to graduate from University and pursue dreams of a higher caliber than you. Sucks, doesn't it? Sucks being left behind in the dirt of mundane, routine work while people around you do better. YOU deserve those goals, don't you? Because you're special and unique unlike everyone else. And who cares whom you must crush to make it to the fulfillment of your grandiose dreams?<br />
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Sounds like a bad case of Narcissistic Personality Disorder, not Sociopathy. While the two share several traits and features (all sociopaths are narcissistic but not vice versa), you sound more like a narcissist on a dysphoric, downward spiral than a sociopath, who most likely wouldn't really care that he/she's really sucking at life.<br />
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BUT THAT MEANS THERE IS HOPE! Although the prognosis for NPD is terrible, it's not as bad as sociopathy (which many believe to be incurable and untreatable). Narcissists, unlike sociopaths, are very driven to succeed and are more aware of their overall lack of self-esteem and transient "real self," meaning they are more likely to seek help and admit there's a problem. I implore you to seek aid in the form of psychotherapy. It's NOT useless for narcissists (despite its lack of utility for sociopaths). In therapy for narcissism, you'll explore various goal-setting techniques to help you achieve the goals you desire (college, better job, a meaningful relationship) while accepting yourself for who you ACTUALLY are (not for who you want others to think you are).<br />
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I've been in therapy for this kind of thing for a long time, and it has helped me cope with some distressing features of my personality. Best of luck to you man. I hope everything works out.

Sounds more like you have an order of ADD with a nice side of its co-runners to me. I can see potential intelligence in your story and unless I miss my guess you most likely spent a fair bit of time proof-reading and tweaking in word it to make it coherent to the rest of the world.<br />
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As far as drifting from job to job and feeling that you can do better that is common for Adders. Bright side is most likely you have the raw intelligence to do better, Down side is you need to lay down a foundation to compensate for your short attention span, And to use the high impulse and creativity that you posses to your advantage. So in effect I am telling you to get off your lazy A$$ and suck it up at collage. Although I think an enlistment in the military would serve you far better. You seem like someone that needs broken and rebuilt. And if you should happen to make it that far, I would suggest finding a good detail man to clean up your chaos and absent minded tendency's. Especially one who can make idea's into reality.<br />
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As far as that whole exam thingy goes. Don't make excuses, Get results. I think everyone here believes you need professional help. At the very least I would suggest getting some help. Also look into behavioral modification therapy and diet control therapy. Making a study on Zen Buddhism would not hurt ether in my opinion.<br />
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As far as the empathy thing goes, Adders get screwed there as well. Although in that department it is more a lost in translation thing. Then inability to sense what the person is saying with there body language. But I do agree with what some of the other people said about you here and you do not need to be a Sociopath to be a sadist. But I also think they gave you some very good advice . Take it for what its worth. <br />
Although I doubt I am a sociopath,I must admit that I do derive a sick pleasure in watching people like you fail at life due to your own inability to see your making the same mistakes that you despise in other people. So take this advice if you choose or not if you want. Get up every day, Brush your teeth and take a bath. Go to work, Go to school and Make effort EVERY Day to improve your self. The key word here is Every-Day. No quitting once it starts to suck after a few weeks or months. Tuff it the f*** out and get it over with.

The mind is a machine that works much of the time with out our conscious knowledge of it's functioning. Like taking a breath and bl<x>inking. The body has defense mechanisms such the eyes shutting when we sneeze which protects the delicate structures from the force of air pressure induced to evacuate the nasal passages. The mind also has its own defense mechanisms which are often learned functions adapted through experience to protect us from emotional break down and stress which in turn can degrade the over all health of the body. <br />
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All these things happen for one purpose and that is to keep us alive. Your angry to the hilt and it is undoubtible a complex matter but it has caused an enormous strain on you therefore torturing these women in the way in which you feel as though you have been tormented in the past is like an analgesic. Of course your disgusted by women in general and illuminate every flaw they either have or you precieve they have because if you could view them in any other way than you wouldn't be able to abuse them the way that you do. They would become more than simply an ob<x>ject to you or a tool but a person with feeling much like your own and you would empathize with the pain they would feel to be like the pain you would feel if someone was treating you the way you choose to treat them. If you did that than your pain would still be present and there would be no temporary relief for the strain. With out this way to cope you would go to the other extreme hypomania which would manifest itself in pity depression self loathing and a complete detachment from society in general. Furthermore fear is a factor here as well... fear caused you to withdraw into yourself to guard yourself from these possible offenders therefore not allowing yourself the opportunity be get close to these women.<br />
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While your focus is on women mainly in general this attitude applies to every person in your life whether it be male or female only it manifests itself in slightly different ways for those with out an intimate attachment to you. Disappointments of the past leaves you fearful of being disappointed again in the future so in order to protect yourself from this hurt you do not allow yourself to create a connection with anyone else possibly even abandoning long time friendships and family relationships with out explanation. Fear makes us withdraw and retreat. You are fearful and have done this. <br />
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In the realm of accomplishments and bouncing from job to job this seems to be a contridiction to your self proclaimed narcissim. A narcissist is in competition to be the greatest at whatever they do and show up other in the process but are far too impulsive and lack the focus to achieve really anything but to me it seems you lack even the motivation to compete. I see discontent and unhappiness prehaps even some depression which is hindering your ambition. Your not doing what you want and you are not surrounded by the class of people you pictured being surrounded by. That's not boredom that's unhappiness and they are two different entities entirely. <br />
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As far as an antisocial aspect here ... I don't see it in the affect of disorder though deeply complicated and personal factors have probably induced antisocial type behaviors. If you were APD than you would have no real explanation or understanding or what is behind the reasons you act a certain way because very often there can be no reason which can be understood or explained it just is. You hurt women because you just wanted to ... as my son puts it "because I was bored." or simply "I wanted to"... or you were hurt women because you were hurt in the past. You create connections with people because you don't care or because you have been disappointed hurt in past relationships and the slights were real and vivid. This of it as a building ... what makes the building function properly is a strong and well balanced structure. If you remove every brick from the structure it will not fall down but keep standing. It is almost impossible to construct a building which will stand with out a firm straight structure. Your foundation is good you just have some bricks missing.

One does not have to have ASPD to be an embittered misogynyst. Since when does being an angry ******* constitute sociopathy? Personally, I do not buy into this. There are things I have done things that are considered wrong which I still do not regret, I've lacked empathy in certain situations which called for it but this does not make me a sociopath.

You are right, you are something but you are not a sociopath.

You are right, you are something but you are not a sociopath.

I just find it funny that he finds people beneath him and believes he is of some higher intelligence when his post is littered with terrible grammar and spelling errors. It's called, 'his parents sheltered him and turned him into an entitled and cowardly weakling'. Destined for greater things..?Wow. The delusion here is astounding. I'm 23 and not in college and I can see right through this clown - I can only imagine how obvious his pathetic stupidity is to people even smarter than myself, which is the vast majority. As someone else said, I think it's obvious to him too and that's why he's so angry, abusive, bitter and delusional. My advice ? Suicide. There's your 'destined for bigger and better things', palsy-palsy (although for legal reasons, I don't advise that I was 'just joking')<br />
eXDAHHahaHaHAHaHaHaHahAhAhaHaHAhaHahAHaha

sounds similar to myself, life seemed to go wrong in my late teens with regards to holding down social relationships and of course my academic career (couldnt give a sh1t about that tbh). ive only one real friend now and i still find myself playing a role with him from time to time. <br />
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been stuck in one dead end job after another and found myself addicted to gambling (for that, dont think casinos, poker etc but financial trading) and its hardly moved me any further on in life. view most of the people i work with as being beneath me have little interest in their lives, again not the best way to get on in life.<br />
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im 26 now, 27 soon, havent had a real relationship with a women ever, dozens of short pointless affairs. for the past 7-8 years ive just been waiting for my life to start you could say, i keep telling myself that whenever i find some financial security ill settle down, but even then and if i do that i think ill settle down into a routine that wont satisfy me and i will be bitter about not having more.<br />
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your father losing his mother, that happened to me tonight, my grandmother died in hospital and my dad called me up crying to give me the news. of course i felt for him but theres hardly any real emotion at all, just frustration that he is suffering, when i knew it was my turn to say something comforting to him i couldnt and i hate myself for it. infact me saying 'my turn to say something' seems to be sociopathic behavior, i wish itd **** off. her death wasnt exactly a shock, she was very old and very ill so everybodies had a long time to come to terms with it, even with me knowing that i still couldnt find anything to say to him.<br />
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apparently theres no cure for any of this from what im reading, just methods to fake being a sociopath, lucky me lol.<br />
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every so often i tell myself to screw my head on and get on with making something happen, after so many years i now wonder if it ever will, am i destined to wander below the radar with short term relationships built on lies i tell people about my past? who knows, i want to change, but as i keep saying i think thats impossible until i break out of the cycle of poverty ive been spinning round for years.<br />
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thanks for posting your story regardless, at least im not the only one

Therapy for abusive men is not useless :D <br />
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No seriously, APD is NOT what comes to mind when reading this. Consulting might actually be very helpful for you and your bagage of hatred ya know.

I don't get why, but this story seems to get all sorts of crazy *** posts. Cloudy chakras? Repeating Amen three times in two sentences? Recommending therapy (something which is unilaterally considered useless)?

I agree with mrsbarrett, you sound like a sociopath/psychopath, but it's best to see a therapist who can rightfully assest you. Also, as far as you loathing women, it's not about women, it's all about you.

"you dont seem icecold ,you just feel sorry for yourself,sociopaths always find a way to get what they want by exploiting others ... you dont have anything you want and your just sad and angry"<br />
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Yeah don't go generalizing there XD

I have recently realized that i am a a sociopath or something as well. bundy1 check out this website http://www.dr-robert.com/ dr robert is a therapist who does a lot of work with people like us. a few people on this forum have said that you are not a sociopath because you have emotion. that is not true, you are human, and just don't experience emotion like most people do, we learn to experiance it artificially so we can function in society, a lot of us have learned right and wrong and don't walk around all day just using people, when i need someone i go to them and i ask for their help and offer something in return, no its never that simple, and i have hurt people before, but i try and help as many as i can, that way i have more "pawns". yeah its selfish, i know. but evil? bad even? no i just have to be careful not to step on peoples emotions. like some people try hard not to step on ants.<br />
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if anyone wants to learn more about the condition, or wants help dealing with it, or has a relationship with a sociopath go to dr roberts website, it put a lot of things in perspective for me.

you dont seem icecold ,you just feel sorry for yourself,sociopaths always find a way to get what they want by exploiting others ... you dont have anything you want and your just sad and angry

Amen, on this poor soul's getting help! Amen, Everlasting, Amen.

He is not looking for help(Bundy1)...any one and every one he has in his life he uses to make himself look and feel better to empower himself, he is a user and abuser and he is ok with it. He is dark .he doesn’t care about what ppl think only what he thinks. He only likes ppl to reflect the parts of him he lets them see. His true colors are not admirable anyone who could see his dark foggy chakras would stay away from him. He is not one to admire he is sick and lonely and will always be weaker than the lighter of humanity. he knows that and he hates that which is why he puts on an act of kindness listening to ppl he doesn’t care about its just a role he plays . I pray god will help you on your path and bless you with reality and forgive you for your stupidity.

True, gebenTod, True. Social withdrawal, anger and rationalizing anti-social behavior seems to be what's going on here. Ms. B. there are some who seem coldly sociopathic in this forum. Bundy1 - get professional help.

lol i remember saving th little froggy from my puppy's mouth when i was 5.....she's dead now

He is more misanthropic than sociopathic. Misanthropy is more associated with anger while sociopathy is cold and more manipulative. Its like comparing fire and ice; the method is different but both are deadly.

No, I would say he is describing himself as a classic example of sociopathy. Sad.

You are not sociopathic. You are depressed, embittered and self-loathing. You project this loathing upon others. However, you are not sociopathic. There is too much sad and angry emotion in your story. Get to a therapist. Not to change your feelings, but to understand them and get help in having a more productive life.

Some semi-sympathetic from experience and some semi-professional from academics and work analysis if you're at all interested...<br />
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First, you are the women you're dating... worthless, helpless, weakminded. You make them feel like you're enjoying making yourself feel, like a prolonged tantrum at life due to your disappointment with being forced into a different path than you wanted. It wouldn't be wise to consider this simply a harsh criticism, because when you continue to choose this helpless desperate take on life, you choose to continue having these helpless women as your closest companions, meaning you are missing out. If your ideas are so worthy, find people to share them with and broaden each other's mind, if not share some emotions that are worth sharing. <br />
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Second, you're chosing to make your closest emotional relationship your sister. She's the only one who continues to be related and will be around long enough and who you can have control over without fearing her leaving. Even if you haven't talked, your presence in her life has an impact on you both. The negative feelings you're offering women are short-lived and simple. When balanced with a self-sustaining, satisfying sexual relationship that restrains immediate gratification (ie. sex on the first date or cheating) and balances sexual/mental/emotional exploration of each other with a healthy dose of hate (testing each other, being honest about things you don't like, keeping each other grounded) you can grow deeper relationships that will most likely expand your social horizons and make you feel like those completely amazing thoughts in your head are backed up not just by some real emotion and feeling which can make you're body and mind feel amazingly alive, but also bring your internal reality into an amazing world around you which also backs up your ideas and intuitions. <br />
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You might even find a job worth committing your intense brain to.

I would call it more a quip than a pun.

lol...@ the al/ted bundy pun

You can still go to college if you want to go. There are grants, loans and scholarships.