Can Animal Lovers Be Sociopaths?When I was younger, I guess around 12 or 13, I found my niche. I discovered from a very young age that I can read people expertly. Over the phone, I can pick up on voice changes and successfully link them to the correct emotion. In person, I can read body language and observe subtle and obvious changes in posture, speech, and behavior. As you may have guessed, I am still in the process of honing my powers, but in their development (as more of a series of experiments, actually), I have found that I can, in fact, ruin people's lives.
As with most sociopathic women, I discovered sex as a tool in manipulation. At an earlier age, not even sex, the idea of sex was usually enough to get people on their knees. I also went through a "tomboy" phase, during which I didn't shower, brush my hair, or even dress like a girl. During this stage of my life I discovered I was still able to get guys my age and older to hopelessly chase after me.. guys I considered attractive. At first I wondered why. Then, I realized I was charming, I didn't get attached to anyone, and I was, in the words of a high school English teacher "too smart for my own good".
Early on, I dissociated from people my own age, buried my nose in books, and did math for fun. I have always felt out of place, and I tend to see the world as one big experiment, in which I am both an unwilling subject and a master of puppets. It is through this perspective that I came to understand that nothing is set in stone. Emotions, words, ideas, and self-image are but malleable tools, that untouched, would still undergo constant change. I’ve observed, after a lifetime of being subjected to human interaction, that there is always a way to get people to think and feel exactly what you want them to.
I always get hired after the first interview, and I've had several jobs in which my bosses have never even seen my resume. As a bartender, I make about $250 a night. As a speaker/host, I get paid handsomely. People like me.
I have few friends I actually care about; two, if I’m going to e exact, and three, if I count my sister. These three are the only constants. Every other relationship is disposable. Mostly I get tired of people and just forget they even existed. Sometimes, I just forge a friendship till I can get what I want from someone, and then I forget we ever even met.
I am unpredictable, and my treatment of others is directly proportional to my mood. I can laugh and tell my boyfriend coldly our relationship is a waste of time, or I can affectionately pretend to cater to his weepy complaints that I am actively taking steps to move to another continent.
In my little experiments (which range from implanting insecurities to convincing people that they are alone in the universe), I have ruined quite a few lives. Some of the results are, at the very least, products of an experiment I had no idea was going to be successful.
My list of achievements includes, but is not limited, to the following. Most of the guys I date become immediately addicted to different drugs after we break up. I accidentally turned a friend of mine into a chain smoker, by pretending to think smoking was sexy. I got this guy to change EVERYTHING about himself and his image as part of his efforts to convince me to go out with him; I just wanted to see if he would, and when he did, I was disgusted by his spinelessness and started dating his best friend. I've obsessed people almost to the point of suicide, and I even had an ex-boyfriend tell me he would kill anyone if I ever asked him to (I'm a sociopath not psychopath). One time, this friend I had betrayed me, lied to me, and was too much of a coward to face me afterwards. So I pretended to forgive him, convinced him he was gay (it took me about 6 months) and subsequently convinced him to have sex with his ex-girlfriend's best guy friend (I hated her). His ex was devastated, and my friend was isolated from all of his homophobic friends, who became so when I made them believe my friend was stalking them. I dropped all communication with him after I comforted him and listened to him cry for about two weeks. I wasn't trying to be nice, I just really wanted to make sure he got a taste of sympathy before I took it away from him.
It’s really hard to believe a word that comes out of anyone’s mouth. Most people are liars and terrible at it, anyway. I do things like that, more than for amusement, to see really if it’s possible. Will anyone really fall for this? Dunno, let’s find out. How far can I push him/her? Dunno, let's find out. I do think it’s fun, though. I love upsetting and humiliating people, it's quite exciting, specially if I perceive they deserve it. In fact, most of the people I psychologically torture have to irk me in some way to fall under my radar, unless I want something from them, in which case their only offense is that they’re standing between me and my goals.
Could I be called a sociopath? I don’t know. I don’t really feel remorse for the majority of things I’ve done, nor do I even bother to apologize earnestly for them. When I apologize I do so convincingly, lest there be something to gain from an honest-sounding apology (to save face, for example). Nevertheless, there IS a gray area, or a blind spot, if you will.
I am an empathic person, but I hate people. I hate everything about people. We are evil, soulless, stupid as all hell, callous, and disgusting. I have empathy towards animals. I'm vegetarian, and I would kill someone with my bare hands if he or she were to so much as fracture my dog's paw. I also try to defend the innocent, on most occasions, which is why I'm always a tad hesitant to accept the label of sociopath.
You see, I would give up my own life to protect my hedgehog, or even someone I don’t know. Hell, I’d give up my own life to protect a stray dog. Conversely, I don’t really have a problem emotionally scarring someone as part of some frivolous endeavour to see how smart they are and how well I can lie.