Sociopath With A Difference

I'll skip the drivel about my upbringing, I don't think being hit and emotionally tormented by my father as a reason I am who I am- that sounds completely insane, but well, I love my father and we get on like a house on fire now I am 21 and although both tempersome, we're rather unalike.

What I will say about my childhood is though that I went to a primary school (elementary I think for those of you in the US) where my peers were not bright, and by that I mean 4 times tables (the easiest ones other than the 2s) were what we were still studying at aged 10. I however was the top of the class and was bullied for it, didn't bother me, more fool them. Ended up at a secondary school which was in the top 50 in the UK where we were told we were the 'finest the country had to offer' and naturally finished with the highest A-levels (SAT equivilants I think US?). However I was suspended from school and severely punished numerous times for various incidents including many thefts (many more I wasn't caught for but I just loved the thrill).

Since school I have been to university. But it's not my academic life I have any issues with. I hate people. I have worked several sales jobs and just like pulling women on a night out, it's just a formula of knowing what makes somebody tick, and I find that easier than anything else. Manipulating people is so common practice for me that I do not even know when I am not doing it. I broke up one lady's marriage because of it, by telling her I loved her, when really I despised her, but I just thought she was attractive when she was obsessed with me, to the point where she would make fake profiles on social networking sites to warn other girls off me and turn up to my house in her car completely paraletic on drugs and alcohol- you see why I could easily despise her.

I've often believed I could be a Hollywood actor. People laugh at me when I've said it, it's not what I want to be- I want to be a chartered accountant- but I feel I could so easily display emotions that I do not really feel that I ought to be paid for it.

However, there is a point to all this (you're getting to the real issue now). I met a girl/woman who loves me, and I really want to love her to the point that I am so sure I do. I want to spend the rest of my life with her and she makes me feel great, though I just don't know what love is supposed to feel like because I've never had it before. I tell myself that I would jump in front of a bus to save her life which I always put as my 'test' if I loved someone, because I don't know how else to feel. I want her to help me through this and I don't want to be this person anymore. I have a constant temper, but she has calmed this, almost to the point where I feel I don't have a single drop of testosterone left in me, which then makes me feel down.

Advice needed on how to approach life now that's not just 'stop being selfish'
pb8g09 pb8g09
7 Responses Dec 7, 2012

if you are a socio-path, lacking autonomic responses then you are doomed to hurt her, if you are not a socio-path you can make it work.

if you enjoy seeing her have pleasure, then i wouldn't be concerned. If her pleasure, or happiness is a joy in and of itself i think you're truly in love

You're not a sociopath, rejoice in that.

Just be very very honest with her. You may already love her but since you, like me, don't know what love is supposed to feel like maybe you already do love her. You just don't know.
Also, thank you for putting the US equivalent, because I wouldn't have know otherwise.
Good luck!

I re-read and realise that this post makes me appear as a very arrogant individual. I should add that in most instances I am well aware of my limits and do not consider myself to be by any means the best at anything and whilst I perhaps have this 'God' complex, I do not think of myself as an arrogant person.

Geez I didn't know better I'd says you have some narcissistic peronality traits, if you are serious about changing your habits you need to see a counselor/therapist to help you, that's the only way you're going to understand and be able to find and understand love. Good luck!

You're very young to have got so cynical