Misunderstood And Misinterpreted.I have always felt as though i was different. As a kid i would tell elaborate lies to get my way, and sometimes hurt people in the process. Two birds with one stone, in my young eyes. But i never felt bad, maybe because i rarely ever got caught, and when i did get caught, i had intricate stories to get out of it. I was never overly cruel to my animals, i put my cats in the freezer and threw the my off my balcony (1st story balcony). What i believe set me apart from the other kids who acted out, was that i knew full well what i was doing, and i knew who i was hurting, and felt nothing. Although, at the time it was happening, i thought nothing of it, i thought this is how everyone feels. The idea that there was something wrong with me was nonexistent. So i continued my lifestyle, lying and crafting images of myself for others to awe at. Building relationships where there was plenty to gain for the least i could give. I felt entitled to things, like somehow i was better than everyone, superior and that they owed me what i took from them. The ironic part is that i was the kid everyone bullied. So for my whole life, instead of friendships and trusting people, i sat back and observed. Observed everything about everyone i could see, everywhere i was. Now im 19, and the term sociopath has found me. To be honest, it kind of feels like a long lost home. I've never met someone who truly understands how it feels, but to know that there's a small population out there that is the same as me makes me feel like less of a reject. However i still fear that the people i surround myself with every day will continue to misinterpret my actions and deem them harmful or threatening when i want nothing more than to co-exist. I have lots of questions for the community, if anyone can relate, i'd really enjoy hearing it.
Twitchey 18-21, M 4 Responses 0 Jan 7, 2013