Misunderstood And Misinterpreted.

I have always felt as though i was different. As a kid i would tell elaborate lies to get my way, and sometimes hurt people in the process. Two birds with one stone, in my young eyes. But i never felt bad, maybe because i rarely ever got caught, and when i did get caught, i had intricate stories to get out of it. I was never overly cruel to my animals, i put my cats in the freezer and threw the my off my balcony (1st story balcony). What i believe set me apart from the other kids who acted out, was that i knew full well what i was doing, and i knew who i was hurting, and felt nothing. Although, at the time it was happening, i thought nothing of it, i thought this is how everyone feels. The idea that there was something wrong with me was nonexistent. So i continued my lifestyle, lying and crafting images of myself for others to awe at. Building relationships where there was plenty to gain for the least i could give. I felt entitled to things, like somehow i was better than everyone, superior and that they owed me what i took from them. The ironic part is that i was the kid everyone bullied. So for my whole life, instead of friendships and trusting people, i sat back and observed. Observed everything about everyone i could see, everywhere i was. Now im 19, and the term sociopath has found me. To be honest, it kind of feels like a long lost home. I've never met someone who truly understands how it feels, but to know that there's a small population out there that is the same as me makes me feel like less of a reject. However i still fear that the people i surround myself with every day will continue to misinterpret my actions and deem them harmful or threatening when i want nothing more than to co-exist. I have lots of questions for the community, if anyone can relate, i'd really enjoy hearing it.
Twitchey Twitchey
18-21, M
5 Responses Jan 7, 2013

I now have a label. I am not sure if other sociopaths have labelled me with a view to explaining my 50+ years of 'personality', or if the so called normal people have come up with this term. I know what I am and am comfortable with my individuality. I am bored with those around me and their inability to stop being socially engineered. I believe that we are outside of the box and that, as such, the world can learn from us. I understand that I do not fit into the 'accepted norm' but why should I ?
Yes, I leave pain and confusion in my wake.
I am different and yet, still a human being.
To those 99.9999999999% that are not 'sociopaths', I say to you that you should at least try to walk a day in my shoes. Try it, it might open your eyes to the false reality that surrounds you.

its like reading my own thoughts. You aren't alone. and remember...."what we understand, we are free of". that has lots of meaning for people who didnt realize they were sociopaths. If you can understand your behavior, you know choose which impulses to ignore.

At least you have insight in your behaviour,you know you hurt people and animals and what is more,I believe you know it is wrong! Do you really want to spend your life this way? You are the loser,you are missing out on the wonderful things life has to offer,on good people who could give meaning to your life and loving pets? You are a very angry man and you are taking it out on others,what is your life going to be in ten years,in twenty years? Where will you be? how much hurt would you have inflicted around you and for what?Wake up to yourself before you needlessly hurt more people and most of all yourself,start giving meaning to your life,you know you do wrong,that is a start.I know there is something there within you that can be reached,don't live a wasted life.

My brother is a Sociopath.

Just think of yourself as a Parasite like a cockroach.

I prefer the term I came up with ...."SUBHUMAN " because you lack the components needed to be human.

1) Emotions......make you feel alive.
2) Remorse.......guides you to be a better human.

I am (by all definitions), a sociopath. I have created my own path, am financially stable, married with children, an Olympic certified coach, high IQ and so much more.
Funny that I am all of these things and yet, am not connected to the mainstream. I am happy with who (not what) I am.

You have expressed yourself very very well. And I just want you to know you re not the only one. It takes a lot from me just to be productive everyday. I have been faking everything my entire life and now i have no option. I fake it until my fantasy becomes reality. And thats just how i live. Yoga helps. It made me understand a lot of things about myself. However I could not change due to the lifestyle i am used to.. like a system i cant get rid of.. I heard about organic portals. I relate a lot to them. Its okay.. Weirdness and harshness are also beautiful in its own way.

I find my peace in admiring the beauty of nature.

I love nature. Every day, without fail, I plant something.

hmm thats great.. if you can find the beauty in nature i think you can live a normal life..

Normal is a point of view in an abnormal world created by normal people.

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