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What Am I

Hello, let me begin by apologizing for how disjointed and badly put together this whole story will be but my mind does not allow total focus, or at least what you would call focus. I am here looking for answers, There is something wrong with me and I have no idea what, I suppose I should list some symptoms huh.

1.overwhelming apathy towards most things
2.Dislike of other humans (I view them as evil as my insanity grants me certain almost 6th sense like insight and empathy)
3.I am an expert at sensing motives, reading body language, saying exactly the right thing, when someone has a conversation with me i know what will be said and how it will roughly end the second it starts.
4. I have a constant stream of pure chaotic thought, like a white noise, like all my thoughts and memories are trying to be known at once, this makes it difficult to focus on anything at all.
5. I can't hear people talk, I mean yes my ears work and i hear them, but i almost instantaneously forget what they said, I have to focus 100% and strain to even talk to someone, unless I'm trying to accomplish something and talking to them is needed then I can manage for a while.
6. mild visual hallucinations, nothing major, shadow people at night, things darting from the corner of my eyes, blurred faces peering through my windows at night.
7. I have a consciousness living in me that is not me, this is no split personality, this is a separate entity with its own thoughts and desires, he is made of pure thought, he can speak and think and it's just ******* nuts.
8. My feelings and views and opinions are pure chaos changing and undulating all the time, I believe in everything and nothing at the same time if that makes sense (see discordianism)

I am rambling I know I apologize like I said before my thoughts are chaotic.
If you have any insights or any questions I would like to hear you respond.
Caulder89 Caulder89 22-25, M 6 Responses Feb 3, 2013

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Severe ADHD, strong narcissistic tendencies.
Possible obsessive-compulsive disorder.
If you've had trauma, maybe a trauma reaction-my PTSD hallucinations are often just dark blips seen around the edge of my vision.

". I have a consciousness living in me that is not me, this is no split personality, this is a separate entity with its own thoughts and desires, he is made of pure thought, he can speak and think and it's just ******* nuts."
Is that the part you sectioned off to contain something?
Splits don't think like you. Their thought process is different.

If you view others as "mostly evil," what does evil consist of in your world?

Oh

my emotions do not have drastic uncalled for changes, although my views and opinions are chaotic my emotions are pretty much normal. While I am capable of highs and lows I only experience them when called for.

i wouldn't chalk it up to anything to severe. it just seems like an hard case of paranoid delusion. probably not sociopathic because they also have delusions of granduere and are primarily controlling people not apathetic

I have delusions of grandeur actually, I believe myself better than most people, but then i remind myself better and worse are all relative and being grand is philosophically moot. I am excellent at controlling people, I do it so much I don't even notice it sometimes, it's like they are a machine I understand completely, I know people motives and intentions even when they themselves do not. as for paranoid, I am not really paranoid, i know nobody is out to get me. but yes it is possible i am delusional but like i said speaking of delusions is moot.

What do u mean

doubt it is bipolar, I take pride in my emotional and social control actually.

Wow tht kind of sounds like me i dont know if its the same but i have been diagnised with bipolar disorder