Sociopathic Driving

We've all encountered that jerk on the roads. You know, that clown who just cut you off or is driving like a maniac and endangering the safety of others. Where did he learn to drive you ask yourself? Is he drunk or just stupid?

I mentioned in the comments area of my last story "Who believes the self-confessed sociopath" that I abuse no substances presently. I was under the illusion for a long time that my deviant behaviour was fuelled by the substances I was abusing. I was wrong it seems. I simply have no regard for the safety of others or myself and will carry out any reckless activity that I see fit at the moment. It is true that while drinking, for example, I would be more prone to carry out whatever mischief was running through my mind at the time but I found that the careless behaviour has continued even in my periods of sobriety.

There are things bothering me that I might not even be aware of. One area in which my pent up negative energies or my repressed aggression manifest themselves is while driving. I am, in general, a careful driver but when I begin to see red and am seething there's no telling just how I will use the roads.

I have unwittingly performed dangerous manoeuvres, collided with other vehicles, possibly caused at least once a medical emergency when the anonymous hate decided to take me over. It is strange really. I'll begin lashing out at anything. My passengers will usually begin to check their seatbelts or complain about my driving. I'm in another world then. I don't even hear them. I begin dreaming about bad things happening to the people in the cars in front of me. I want them to veer off the road or get hurt in some other manner. Some horrid thought occasionally escapes my mouth and my passenger will say nothing because nobody wants to believe that I could really mean the things I am saying.

Sometimes I know the source of my frustration or anger: it might be the recent fight with the girlfriend; problems at work; problems with friends and family. More often than not, the rage comes unexpectedly. I am driving along normally and suddenly I begin to accelerate. I smile. I employ what can only be described as Kamikaze driving. I have too much confidence in my ability to judge the size of my vehicle and those of others. I'll overtake with little space to pass. I'll bear down on others at speeds way above the posted speed limit. I'll play chicken with oncoming vehicles. I'll zip in and out of lanes of traffic like a ... psycho. Zipping in and out of traffic at high speeds, endangering the lives of others and my own gives me a terrific feeling. I feel as if I am playing a videogame where winning or losing doesn't matter. Thoughts like "if I collide right now, take out that woman and her baby and die in the process, wouldn't that be cool" enter my head?

I have been called a good driver by some. They simply can't believe how well I can handle the vehicle. Little do they know, that I simply don't care about their life, my life or the vehicle and, for those reasons, I will run great risks while driving. I've had a few motor vehicle collisions (and I guess I can't really be that great a driver given those facts). What I never noticed and what was pointed out to me by a passenger was my facial expression after a vehicle almost wiped me out by hitting the driver's side. My passenger asked me "Why are you smiling?"

It takes some time before I "snap out of it" and realise that I need to get a grip. Maybe one day my luck will run out and I'll cause that collision that puts an end to my life or the lives of others. Maybe I might even end up paralysed with only lower brain function?

Whatever happens, I won't feel bad about it.

gewissenlos gewissenlos
26-30, M
6 Responses Sep 4, 2008

Two things. I've been the passenger and shared a hearty laugh after avoiding death and destruction. I don't drive because surely by now I would be behind bars due to road rage. You might say it runs in the family. My grandfather followed a man to his house and knocked his *** out. My father got out of his vehicle at a stop light and through the open window, pulled the driver's head and slammed it against the passenger's door.

I understand this behavior.

This is intriguing. Do you wear a seatbelt? Do you slow down when you see a cop car?

Well it's definitely the sociopath within you that makes an unsafe, accident prone driver feel they are good at driving. Good driving requires control, and you have none it seems. <br />
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Then again I can't really talk either. I am very similar except I don't drive crazy when i'm mad. I just drive crazy on impulse. Sometimes the road is very much like a video game, I don't think about hurting people or anything like that, I just want the rush.<br />
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Then again, sometimes i will just zone out or start listening to some music or something and get lost in my own little world. I have never had any crashes, except for when I was an 'l' plater (learner) where I hit cars on separate occasions from being a **** in carparks - but I drove off and never paid for those mistakes.<br />
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It's an interesting story though because I think you can tell the difference between a sociopath behind the wheel and a normal person when on the road.

I have to admit that sounds all too much like my driving style. I haven't driven all that much in the past due to my transient lifestyle, but when I do, it is like Need for Speed. Racing in and out of lanes, sliding around corners, tail gating (it just seems everybody else is going to slow), cutting corners through gas stations, using potholes as a high speed slalom course... It is all good fun until somebody loses a Smart Car.<br />
Quite often, though, I will drive like a little old lady. Moreso that I have no idea where I am going, and am recieving absurd directions from idiots. Creeping down the roads, signally properly and all that ****. It amazes me how easily distracted I am when I drive normally. I see nothing, like I am on autopilot. 3 hour drives and I can remember 15 minutes of it for I was lost in space the entire time... bored.<br />
It would seem that I need to drive like a maniac, just to stay focussed on what I was doing. 30 km over the limit and I can read/remember street signs, recognize landmarks, and even avoid little kids as they veer into my path. There is times we take a Taurus with bald summer tires 4x4ing just cause they closed the mountain passes. Racing past the stuck motorists (with chains mind you) with the windows down; jamming whatever sets the mood as the car fishtails forward.<br />
Careeming down flooded highways, the car suddenly hydroplanes and kicks sideways. A quick recovery and I maintain course - still puffing on my cigarette like I was sitting on my couch relaxed. Watching the shocked look on people's faces as they make way for my insanity. <br />
Personally, I don't think I am an unsafe driver. I just think people are too uptight to handle drastic situations that sends even the best of them into a state of white-knuckled panic - heading for the ditch like a bat outa hell and their pathetic lives flashing before their clenched closed eyes. Like the old people who drive well below the speed limit, your the danger if you cannot keep up!

:-0 ...

Funny if you were a taxi driver.