Look, I'm Not Sure If I'm Actually A Sociopath, And I Really Don't Care.

The more I read about sociopaths and psychopaths I can't help but smile or laugh. It's just so fitting!
Professionals have tried to diagnose me, but my inability or lack of desire to cooperate, and actually talk to them about anything, have left them just giving some diagnosis and giving up. I don't mind that at all though. my head is wired differently and I don't wish for them to try and understand it, when I know they can't.
Most people are just too stupid to understand how other people think and how their heads work. I used to think that 'empathy' meant to be able to understand how others saw things and how they felt. So I always bragged about how good I was at that. Because I really am. I can understand how most people think, predict what they're gonna do or say next, therefor most people bore me immensely. They're really just no fun.
Now I don't really mind that I told everyone how much empathy I have, that would just add to the picture of 'normal' I'm trying to create. I'm not too good at it though, since everyone I know describes me as eccentric or weird.
When it comes to feeling sorry for people. No. I just don't do that. I don't really want to waste energy on such things, I don't even think I could. It's really just annoying when my 'friends' are feeling down. Like, they expect me to cheer them up, because apparently I always know what to say. Well of course I do! I know how their little silly heads work, for god's sake.
I have no problem freaking out, hurting or doing anything I can to get people around me to show severe emotions or see how they act in different extreme situations. As long as I'm not seen as the 'bad' guy at the end of it. Or at least, as long as they don't leave me.
I understand that people come and go all the time, and it doesn't really bother me. I've understood how they work, now there are still more interesting people I haven't met yet, so it's fine.
I admit that I need people around me. There are things I need others to do, and it's too much of a hassle to try and make new friends. I'll have to pretend all the time, and that takes energy I could use on something else.
I just started school and that really is a good example of how horrible I am at taking orders or following rules. I've been late to all my classes and I refuse to answer a question unless I know that none of the others know the answer, I can never get enough of showing off.
Though usually people just think I'm an idiot, because I don't really pay attention in class and I either almost fall asleep, draw, knit, write, compose or read stuff on my computer etc, you get the idea. I find it so hilarious that they think I'm stupid, but I don't mind, then they don't expect as much from me and I can get away with doing less work.
I try to find a seat in the back of the class where I don't have to sit next to people and I don't do group work. I know I can do better on my own.
My math teacher handed us back a little assignment we did and he smiled at me and said that he was glad to see that I can make mistakes too. I had like three of the things wrong. Some of the other idiots in the class had gotten them all correct. Ironically I'm the only one who knows what the teacher is talking about all the time. I never have everything correct when doing assignments. It doesn't bother me even though people expect me, as the genius I am, to get all right. I just don't put much effort into it.
Still it doesn't matter to me what I'd be defined as, but I do identify with people who have sociopathic and psychopathic tendencies, so that's how I ended up here.
Have a good day. Or such.
VindensSkygge VindensSkygge
22-25, F
5 Responses Aug 30, 2013

You sound like a very interesting individual.

I've matured a bit, so to say, since I wrote this. Hello.

Pleasure to meet you.

" I don't mind, then they don't expect as much from me and I can get away with doing less work." - this basically summarizes my whole experience with the educational system haha

It's so true though. When I was younger I had to assist the teacher in class because he knew I was good at math.. Not going there again.
Right now I'm skipping classes a lot because it's so ******* boring and I really have better things to do.

I know what you mean by ppl looking to me to make them feel better. They think that I can handle anything and am "so laid back" but they'll never know that we suffer from a little thing called sociopathisom (

We probably just seem quite emotionally stable or logical when it comes to emotional filled situations.
I wouldn\'t say that I suffer from anything, though. I\'m glad that I was born with a proper sense of logic, and emotions towards others that I can \'turn off\'. The boredom is my price to pay, though.

Hahahaha!!! That felt like I was reading a story about myself...! I spend most of my time online because most of the people I know are so predictable, boring, uneducated, vain and shallow. I know what they're going to do a week before they do and it is certainly not very stimulating to the mind. Does this make me a sociopath? I thought I was just intelligent?...

Of course I\'m intelligent as well. Just because you\'re intelligent and can predict other\'s actions doesn\'t make you a sociopath.
I have no empathy for the people I should care for, but for them it certainly seems so, since I like to keep things around me as \'normal\' as possible. I act like people expect me to.. Most of the time. Because they wouldn\'t be able to understand the way my head works, and I wouldn\'t have the upperhand on them. I can pretty much play them as I want to as long as I keep in mind that their emotions often get in the way.
Would you in less than a heartbeat be ready to ruin someone close to you, just because you\'d gain something from it?
I know other highly intelligent people who\'re also quite bored with the people around them, who are in no way sociopathic. Of course sociopathy lies on a spectrum. You can have no sociopathic tendencies at all, or you can be a \'cold hearted\' serial killer. It isn\'t always a question of \'am I or am I not\'. Of course labels shouldn\'t really matter. If they really worked and were that simple, there wouldn\'t be so many of them.
That\'s just my opinion.

Yes, those labels are far and many. Psychiatrists love to use them to slot us into their little categories which really annoys me sometimes, but I agree with you...it\'s not simple. No, I wouldn\'t try to hurt or ruin someone close to me \'just for my own gain\'...BUT, I would ruin them if they p!ssed me off or I thought they were trying to compete with me in anyway - in a heart beat! I find that when people copy me I get furious! I love to be an \'individual\' and the \'sheeple\' of society are pathetic in my eyes, and I would have no problem treading all over them if they got under my feet.

I'd classify you as a narcissist.
It seems to me that you're trying a bit too hard to convince people that, in a nutshell, you don't care about....many different things. And how you get off on 'showing off' all the time.
It's kind of a contradiction; you say that you like to show off, yet a paragraph later you state that you don't care about what your classmates think of you.
I think their opinions of you are more important then you give it credit for. I think they actually give your ego more fuel for the fire, judging from how I read what you've written.
So as such, Narcissists and sociopaths do identify with each other. They do share several traits, after all. But a Sociopath needs other people around them for vastly different reasons.
But I'm not a psychologist.

I\'ve thought about that too, but I really got the impression that narcissists like themselves. I quite like being me, but I hate myself. If it makes any sense. I like how I think, the way my head works, but I hate \'me\'.
I just find it hilarious to be able to answer things they don\'t know the answer of. I\'m usually a quite \'humble\' person. You can never get me to say that I\'m good at drawing even though I might be etc.
I did actually think I sounded quite narcissistic at the end of writing that, but I was too tired to really read it through.
I try not to have opinions about different things. And I usually contradict myself a lot, because the opinions I might have change all the time, or something. I haven\'t really given it much thought.
And I\'m not even sure if I have got a red string in what I\'m writing right now, it\'s in the middle of the night and there are giant spiders in my room. Aaand I sound a little psychotic.
Alright. I appreciate your input, I\'ve got something to reflect on now.

AFAIK, Narcissists actually dislike themselves, hence why they need ego boosts. Something to do with insecurities, and the such. They\'re real easy to figure out.
I sort of know what you mean though. Stupid people are funny.
I\'ll give you some advice.
Kill the spiders.

Ah.. I used to read a lot on personality disorders and I think you might be right, sounds quite fitting.
In the beginning they just annoyed me, but when I figured out most are less intelligent than me, I tried to see the funny side of things. I like sitting here knowing how their heads work when they haven\'t even figured out so themselves yet. It also means that I always know what to say to them to make them trust and like me.
It\'s like a spider nest under the house. Were they any smaller I\'d kill them, but they\'re quite pretty, so I don\'t really think they should die. Could they just go bother someone else.