A Pretty Parasite, Or "Of Course I'm a Nice Person, Now Quit Being Such a Nit and Fetch Me Another Drink."

To preface, I have antisocial personality disorder and borderline personality disorder, and maybe some other stuff, and it makes for an unsettling combination. I have no conscience, no moral code, and no desire for either.

My story, if you want to call it that, has to begin at the beginning. I'm the only child of a single mother, and my dad's side of the family are all somewhere between weird and insane. My mom's side, where I was raised, are just typical lower middle class nonentities.

I was never physically abused as a child, though one might make the case for emotional abuse. Certainly my mother was a terrible flake, horribly over-protective, and verbally abusive when she got upset. When I was 7 or so she moved in with her parents for good... talk about a bad cliche.

I had a pleasant, active, outdoorsy childhood growing up on a small island with 500 people, and a ferry that closed very early. Needless to say, I was very sheltered, I had few friends, and being weird and intelligent I was a social outcast.

This rarely bothered me as I was also something of a loner and, though I had a couple of friends, we never associated with the usual conglomerate of schoolyard rejects.

None of this prevented me from being a malicious delinquent. Though I did perfectly normal weird-kid things, like dungeons and dragons, I also was also a vicious tease from as young as I can remember. I enjoyed slowly roasting bugs under magnifying glasses, torturing my least favorite cat (like, you know, mummifying him in masking tape and suspending him from a drying rack, or trying to condition him not to whine by repeatedly striking him every time he did), and playing mean-spirited pranks (like placing sharp objects in people's shoes). I stole from stores, friends, and fellow students as often as I felt I could get away with it. When caught (this happened rarely) I always was able to blame someone else. All of this continued into high school.

I was also a violent child, I got in fights (and tried to claw out people's eyes), thew desks, assaulted and threatened my relatives, and the likes up until I was 15 when I realized that to continue in these sorts of overt violent displays were doomed to land me in legal trouble. It was also about this time that I was getting very good at manipulating my mother without resorting to violence, so much so that she finally gave up on enforcing any rules... she just got more verbally abusive. When I was 16 I realized that I felt almost meaningful emotions. I think it had began earlier, but it was then that I realized something was wrong.

This was a source of puzzlement, and I tried to discuss the matter with people (adults, mostly, I rarely socialized with people my age), but invariably they didn't understand and didn't quite believe me. If anything, I was thought to be very balanced.

At 17 I fell apart emotionally for various personal reasons that I won't get into, and I was a depressed, crying mess. So much for the perfect, cold, remorseless logic that I held so dearly too. Issues and incompetent therapy ensued. I dropped out of school, lost all my friends, and drifted away into isolation. Though I wasn't diagnosed with borderline personality disorder until recently, that's when I would say it blossomed.

I starved myself, cut, stole compulsively, and generally descended into miserable, emotionally turbulent, neurotic isolation. It was only when I was 22 and inherited money that I escaped.

I moved to the city, got a place, and proceeded to party, drink like a fish, do drugs, have promiscuous sex, and generally live the good life. I stopped stealing because I didn't need to, I stopped cutting because I didn't like the scars, and eventually my ability to maintain neurotic focus on starving and purging failed and I began to eat more normally. My emotions remained turbulent in the normal borderline fashion, though of course I never had a conscience.

I will spare you the (better remembered and less vague and hastily skimmed over) details and switch over to how I am now.

My emotional turbulence is slowly fading, though at times I'm still hyper-sensitive to stimulus. More often, however, I feel almost nothing. I might be empty, or I might just be cool, serene, cruel and perfect. Sometimes it seems like who I am changes every day, and yet some things remain constant. I never feel remorse when I lie, steal, manipulate, or intentionally hurt people, and I do all but steal very frequently. People who can be taken advantage of in this manner probably deserve it, but even that is irrelevant. My actions require no moral justification or explanation because all such standards are without any meaning. Even in my  most social moods, I can only form illusory connections with other people, the image of intimacy without any real substance behind it. I can like people, but only slowly, over a very long time, can I actually care. Most people bore me long before that ever happens. Actually, almost everything bores me after a month or two. I live in the moment, the past quickly becoming a haze of vague memories, the future incomprehensible chaos for which I plan only when I must.

I am not entirely without the ability to empathize, but it's entirely based on my ability to identify with someone. This is usually very little, and at most my response to other people's misery is, "Yikes, really sucks to be you," along with a vaguely unpleasant feeling and a desire not to watch. Of course, anyone I can hurt is not deserving of my respect and so not someone I can identify with.

At times I desperately desire connection with others, which is one of the reasons I have casual relationships. I thrive on the false connection formed by New Relationship Energy, and on the novelty of a new man (or woman) who I don't yet know well enough to be thoroughly bored with. I rarely seek out one night stands except when I'm on drugs (another of my long list of bad coping mechanisms), and even then these partners commonly find themselves caught up in the energy that I exude and it lasts longer.

I have managed to fall in love once, if love really is the right word. I certainly cared greatly for her, it hurt terribly when she left me. Actually, after so long together I had something of an identity crisis, I had tried to change a lot of who I am for her. Yet there's no denying that it was a mildly exploitative relationship. I always looked out for my desires over hers, always attempted to steer activities towards those I would enjoy rather than the ones she enjoyed, and was at times consistently maliciously insult her and her friends for no purpose other than entertainment and habit. This doesn't mean I didn't care, simply that I cared about her as an adjunct to my existence, or perhaps as a center for mine (I have no purpose, direction, or goal myself, and so finding that in a long-term partner proved useful). And even when I was with her, I was always keeping an eye out for someone better. An upgrade, if you will.

Interestingly enough, it was only after a great deal of thought that I realized that I am essentially very mean to almost everyone I know. I boss them around, I insist things go my way, I insult them and demean them right up to the limit that they will tolerate. With friends I only push so far as they tolerate, but I'm always a little amazed at how much pushovers they can be. People I don't care about, especially brainless guys who hit on me, those I enjoy seeing how long I can insult before the figure out that they're not getting laid and should just leave me the **** alone. Usually it takes a while.

But to what I was saying before, I often think of myself as very nice. Part of it's a costume personality I wear, though I really am genuinely nice most of the time. Indifferent, but nice. No, this is more that I cannot fathom what about my actions are wrong. I know intellectually, but it makes no more sense to me than if I were to be handed a supercomputer which in all ways resembled a bowl of overcooked spaghetti. As such, I see the actions I perform which are seen as socially negative as neutral, and so unless I think about it much I sometimes see myself as a good person.

And I'm sure I could go on at some length, but really, this is all I feel like writing now. It's already very long and I'm rather tired. I'm sure there are typing, spelling, grammar, and flow errors. Deal with it.

Phage Phage
26-30, F
118 Responses Feb 17, 2009

Your boring fat ***.

Human beings very much relish their romanticizing do they not?

The aspect of the sociopath remains a sense of security, of power; it must feel like a boon in a life afflicted by crippling insecurity. But of course, love, you know all this.

Not only dripping with a lust for validation through disassociation, your wording reveals the disconnect in your purported sociopathic nature, but, rudely enough, it is also dreary. Filled with obvious nods to basic psychology as to what "describes" a sociopath; the relatively normal upbringing, cruelty to animals, teenage deliquency, promiscuity, basic empathic links missing, etc.

Do yourself a favor the next time you feel compelled to project, author in some sharpness and perhaps you may extrapolate a shred of respect, if even a nod from those who truly share what you admire enough to mimic.

I doubt this though, a life of emotional slavery does distract the mind from its own refinement.

Indeed, intellect is the true filter, and the only precursor honest enough to offer any validity to the word, written or otherwise.

Another disappointment, though I do so enjoy these little stories.

I must admit I rather enjoyed your response to this blasé, textbook "admission" and drab self dialect.

I can relate to some of this. I know this must sound a bit strange, but, I used to be a sociopath. I was sexually, psycologically, and emotionally abused since the age of two. I lived with a possessive, demented, cold-and-calculating man who was born without morals or a conscience. I was told that this man was my father, which was a lie. My father died in 2009 -something I was unaware of until I was fifteen. I'm not sure exactly when my self-loathing and severe depression turned to emptiness and sadomasochistic psychosis, but, I remember when I was 12 or 13 and I murdered a kitten. I felt severe dissasociation and emptiness, just going through the motions of picking it up and flinging it against the wall until it's neck snapped. It was the strangest experience, so mechanical, like I was lifeless for those few moments. I felt no remorse either. When I was 14, I was thrown into an RTF, which was pretty much just a corrupt insane asylum where a bunch of pathetic cocksuckers tortured kids. I had an utterly hellish experience there. But, I found that when I saw someone suffering, my concious mind felt nothing while my subconcious mind tried to make me sympathetic. I could really like someone yet be totally unmoved by their pain. I had sexually arousing fantasies about torturing and murdering my adversaries. I realized I was a sociopath either a bit before or a bit after my 15th birthday. I was released in the March of my 15th year. I was released into the hands of my abuser, who physically abused me later on that year. After the attack, I was placed with my stepfather. A month or so in, I regained my conscience through the power of God. It may seem trivial, but, I was going to throw a piece of garbage on the floor and stopped, thinking 'what would God want me to do?' and I threw it in the garbage. I could feel the Holy Spirit rushing through my body. And now, years later, my conscience, my vivid emotions, and my faith and focus in life are still intact. I hope you find yourself again, Phage.

I'm bipolar, psychopathic tendencies, maybe histrionic, but who cares. I was curious. My mood swings are completely narcissistic in nature, depression stemming from control issues and delusions of grandeur. My ex with ASPD confused it with empathy. I would imagine the same goes for interpretations regarding your BPD. Empathy for yourself, does not make an empath. Thoughts?

I have never met a woman whom I can relate to before. This is kind of mesmerizing.

Can you get any more boring? You claim that others quickly bore you and yet you do the same things over and over and over and over again...yawn...

Hi Phage<br />
I think it takes alot of courage to admit all of this, although I cannot relate to most of it, I can relate to some. Very interesting read!

Sounds like you need an *** kicking.

Do you have any same sex siblings? (I presume sisters)? Actually just curious, not trolling.

Hi Phage...:)<br />
<br />
I am curious - the "various personal reasons" you mention in your OP for a resulting (and from all that I am able to guage, first) emotional breakdown at 17... <br />
What were they? <br />
You seem so analytical and insightful, so very apt and willing to share and (if you will please excuse my suggesting so) BOAST about the very abnormal nature of yourself (self-proclaimed). And so it leads me to ponder - the "events" you so eloquently skimmed over - I am fascinated. Why should one as seemingly self assured and expressive as yourself only be willing to touch on what must be a (or more likely be one of many) material causal factor of the first of many (assumed) breakdowns? And yet be otherwise so articulate?

Torturing animals...I can relate but torturing humans is so much more fun, I refrain from torturing animals now, I used to **** all over my mams chihuaua and shoot pellets at it, I even attempted drowning it, I burned it and kicked it, but at the end of it all it is a ******* way of projecting themselves the real delight comes from the fear in a persons eyes.

Don't listen to him, Phage! You don't look like a pig in makeup at all, you look more like a pig after a fireworks accident!

Phage, if this is your picture, may i say that you look like a pig smeared in makeup. I can understand your enthusiasm behind every comment from masochistic old masturbators and losers, this is probably your only chance to boost your illusion of self-esteem.

dewduster you're the saddest old ****** on the internet. pictures and **** don't do it for you, you impotent sad ****? you need actual responses so that it feels like the bad *** ladies are interacting with you, you pathetic old ****.

i'd like to mummify in tape phage and missyanthropy and to torture them the way they tortured their cats. I'd actually enjoy it. and i'm not even a sociopath.

It's been a long time Phage. How goes it?

I got bored half way through that and stopped reading but you sound ok to me.

Unconditional love? I'm quite sure no such thing exists outside of books and self-deception. As for the rest... are you sure you're posting on the right story? Because I don't really do death fantasies or "horrors of darkness". Yeah, I have a certain fascination with the morbid, and I've considered killing people before, but neither is a defining feature of either my life or identity.<br />
<br />
Jwhitemns2010, my purpose, if you want to call it that, is to experience pleasure.

My my how very interesting. Hmmn. It sounds to me like your not begging for attention, your not apologizing for being what you are. Intriguing. I suppose as long as you have a place for yourself in this world then there is no need to criticize. Just don't be waste that has no use. What IS your purpose? Can you answer that?

hi sexy.

I am just kidding around. Actually I know that I am unable to do anything <br />
to really make you happy so I am glad if Phage is sometimes nice/sexy to<br />
you. *smile*…DD

Phage flashes me all the time. We have rough violent sexy time on our off days. You knew this. You knew. /sigh

Ohooo sweet Phage, that is the nicest thing you have ever said to me. I am touched.<br />
I have a semi-hard on and I am going to go looking for a **** star with long legs being gang banged or fu*king a horse while I jack off. Thank you…DD<br />
<br />
<br />
EvilDemon, I like it that you avoid *****. 2 things I never understood about “normal” men. (1.) Why discourage other men from becoming gay? We would have made a great team in part because you would leave any ***** to me. Nothing wrong with that.<br />
(2.) When a girl did put out they would call her bad names. That would only discourage <br />
other girls from putting out. DUMB!

Dewduster, I try to disagree with you as often as possible, but I find under these circumstances that it's just impossible. You have my apologies. Oh, and you shouldn't think of yourself as handicapped. I mean, sure, you can't fart, but I bet you can release some truly awful aromas from your colostomy bag.<br />
<br />
ED, I have changed my mind again. It is indeed appropriate for you to be referred to by the acronym for eating disorder. It's all perfectly logical if you look at it in the right way.

EvilDemon, do you think they actually want to be gotten by the likes of you and me? <br />
A Gay (not necessary happy) EvilDemon and a old fart (who is unable to fart) no longer very dangerous Dewduster.

EccentricOne, anything about my lack of sexual appeal would hurt. One of the worse things about growing old is your growing lack of sexual attractiveness. I suspect it is worse for women then it is men in general but hard (or lack there of) for all. <br />
<br />
When I was working nights at a teaching hospital and going to the University in the day <br />
I always had some nice (or better BAD) girl who wanted a ride on my Harley. (Ha, I named him “Harley”.)…DD<br />
<br />
P/s Phage “flashed you and not me. I am wounded, deep.

Demonface,<br />
Grow some balls and suck it up ******. SMOOCH YOU!<br />
<br />
DD,<br />
Thanks and please lay out a mean plan for me to pursue. I think you've experienced it all.

EccentricOne, can you please be mean to me. I know how tough the world can be but I still would love fore you to be mean to me…DD<br />
<br />
P/s nice avatar picture.

ED I am not mean to you! Just making you stronger for that tough world out there.<br />
<br />

EvilDemon, thanks for the memories! LMFAO!<br />
<br />
Only thing is that Phage always strikes back harder then I can ever hit her.<br />
Right after several of these quotes where I am trying to get others to join with me in attacking Phage she had me falling on my sword.<br />
<br />
She has hurt me so deep that I have to Log Out and go cry in the shower so my family will not hear me. <br />
<br />
Ha! I really like Phage because she makes me feel stuff…DD

I agree…DD

The thing is, ED, that if I hadn't hopped on-board eccentric's reference to you by that particular acronym you wouldn't be having this chance to snark at me. Which, if you haven't noticed, is amusing. As such my point stands.

Okay, amusing is a better fit that appropriate, but with that modification my point stands. It seems amusing to henceforth refer to you as the acronym for eating disorder.

Yes, we shall henceforth refer to Evil Demon as the acronym for eating disorder. This seems appropriate.<br />
<br />
Dewduster, it's only fair since I can't talk about transsexual dwarves without you accusing me of being one.

lolwut ED????

@DD you think I'm weird?? Aww I lampshade ******* ripped giant heart you!

@ Phage -- you could decorate the ******** you've hypothetically ripped. OR make them into art and submit all proceeds to EP support.<br />
<br />
Make sure the socipate experience get 132432% proceeds mmk?

Dearest Phage, I agree that you do indeed have a “…excellent intelligence, insight, and razor wit.” ETC…But I have not only been diagnosed twice by respectable psychiatrist but I have survived as a most dangerous type of sociopath to live to the old “brain damaged”, but still smarter then most, age of 66. <br />
<br />
I am also one of the very few that have worked hard to developed what feelings I had in order to have a few friends and not just prey. I even love my wife and sons. <br />
<br />
I am willing to respect you as being the most interesting of our little group and I always want to know what you have said on any topic…Sorry I forget what my point was…<br />
<br />
One more point…I don’t care for “lamp shades” but I will always regret not making a jacket out of this one XXL fat biker who had hundreds of colorful tattoos all over his upper body and arms. Of course, it would go against my tried and true method of a fast in and out, walk away method of hunting “the most dangerous game”…DD <br />
<br />
EccentricOne, you are an odd duck but you are real. I really like you as a friend and I trust you more then most anyone I have ever met on EP…DD <br />
<br />
EvilDemon…you are one of a kind, although “kind” seems out of place, Ha…DD<br />
<br />
To all, I stopped breathing last night and somehow my wife woke up and fought hard to wake me up. We have an appointment to see a sleep specialist but I have this “feeling” of caring for my true peers here on EP. I feel mushy heart as EccentricOne would say…DD<br />
<br />
<br />
P/s I am not asking for any type of sympathy from a bunch of sociopaths but rather I am stating what is. Ha! When I do die I plan to haunt you all in a fun way…DD

There are over six billion people on the planet, what the **** would I do with that many lamp shades?

Oh and to add, I have a said schizoaffective disorder so don't mind the rambling I occasionally do or just ignore me. I don't care. Really. <br />
<br />

I would have to like the way you put: <br />
<br />
"We're perfectly capable of respect, at least to the right sort of people, so it seems only natural that I would be respected."<br />
<br />
I could never find a way to describe that feeling I had. Because people thing all socio's are going to make lampshades (quote chelseacollector) out of them. <br />
<br />
@Intro -- I know this is Phage's experience but I am able to relate (ducks that Phage throws a stone) to her on some levels. I have a diagnosis of borderline and they took that little cute dandy test to the asylum I was in and decided I had ASPD as well. I don't even care.. I used to hate my father for being one and I may/may not of turned out that way. I don't care. Found it hard, hard to find. Oh well whatever nevermind.

I was diagnosed borderline, among other things, but so far have avoided an ASPD diagnosis. This is a good thing. And the label of sociopath, like any label, can be restricting if one feels a need to live up to the stereotype, but I rarely bother with this, so mostly it's just descriptive. And perhaps enlightening, being as before I realized I was a sociopath I was quite puzzled by my lack of morality.<br />
<br />
As for my status on the top of the EP sociopath hill, I suppose I am. It's not something I concern myself with much, though I certainly behave as if I am on top. Which is probably a part of it, along with my being here longer than most, and my excellent intelligence, insight, and razor wit. We're perfectly capable of respect, at least to the right sort of people, so it seems only natural that I would be respected.

I think I'd be hard-pushed to prefer either type of sociopath, I was just curious. ^_^

So do you prefer the diagnosed or self label whatever INTRO?

Phage, you do not say whether or not you have been diagnosed as a sociopath and/or borderline? <br />
<br />
It seems to me that there is some sort of social hierarchy of sociopaths forming here with Phage at the top. I find this odd. It was my impression that a deep-seated sense of grandiosity, and a personal sense of being vertically at a distance to the rest of humanity were somewhat central to the concept of sociopathy?<br />
<br />
Am I wrong? Or should I put it down to manipulative idealization?<br />
<br />
I also find it curious that as sociopaths you choose to acknowledge either an imposed or self label of Sociopath, as it seems to me this might be somewhat limiting and potentially impinging on your grandiosity.<br />
<br />
Does this introspection have any value to you above and beyond the notoriety this article might bring you?

Phage...OK, I may be 3-4 months late with my response but my overall plan is still a good way to deal with trolls who get on are group and tell us what box we do or do not fit into…DD

Pain meds are only fun when you don't need them.<br />
<br />
Definitely go visit them anyway. I certainly can't see any reason why not to.

I have been taking a lot of pain meds lately. Not for fun of it but because I have too.<br />
<br />
Being in constant pain is not as much fun as others may think. Especially as this has been going on for eight years and gets worse each year. HA! Each week…<br />
<br />
I didn’t notice the dates on there commit etc. <br />
<br />
Good intentions and all that.<br />
<br />
Maybe I’ll go visit them anyway, whatever…DD

Am I missing something? Because none of your posts on this story have been making sense lately, Dew. Beepboop hasn't posted in a while, and I don't think Ravenlee has posted on this story at all.

Ravenlee and beepboop I think you both sweet things. Naïve but sweet and likely juicy too. Mmmmm!<br />
<br />
I happen to be a diagnosed sociopath. Ha! I got to vacation at both the Menninger clinic and Lardner State hospital for the Criminally Insane. I and most other sociopaths like and accept Phage as one of us. <br />
<br />
Why are you harassing my Queen? (I want to sodomize her and take pictures. She would love it!) <br />
<br />
Why are you being rude? <br />
<br />
Most important, why would you want to attract my attention? I can be rude and harassing too. <br />
<br />
I and maybe others could visit you at your sites. Do you want a bunch of sociopaths visiting you in the groups you are in? <br />
<br />
Go away, you don’t belong here but Phage does.


all it is me ranting on randomly lol

if you translate it all it is is just complete jibberish and is talking about **** all lol

Awesome! Way better than UnAustralia could have done.

how did I do? did i win out?

Crazy Україн I Dont думаю IAM збираєтеся управляти розмовляю українською мовою, але Гей, це все гарні Baby All I Ever Wanted є для вас бути моїм All I Ever Wanted була для вас і мене до вас посміхаються, а потім він просто йде в базу і Ви послухайте, randome мелодій, які добре це чи які я ненавиджу відьмами, хоча останній намагався покласти Hex на мене благословив її дорого їй було весело ще страшний, як я Didn't що багато чого.

嘿,中國怎麼樣,這將是有趣的,當有人決定本翻譯的任何一個了解我只是blabbing絕對的胡說八道公頃我無法相信胡說八道是一個中文文字哦上帝,我愛中國,他們的規則 yey

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cthulhu<br />
<br />
<br />
daar ga je hoe is dat dat zal ik niet echt gaan praten over hem, maar hij kon springen en eet je gezicht af, ha voorstellen dat een reusachtige inktvis man eet je gezicht af, dat zou vreemd zijn, maar ik denk dat het zou heel populair te zijn op tv en u zal beroemd hoe is dat voor sterrendom hey

2 oh crap mwy o dudalennau oh 1 aros mwy ac yna mae'n thats Rwy'n mynd i drafferthion gyda'r iaith Saesneg pur hen unwaith eto bod sucks ... ffyn ffidil:) ac nid oes unrhyw nad ydych yn mynd i yma am fy dydd oherwydd na i ddim eisiau siarad am hynny ... yn yr haul i lawr y lleuad yn cael ei nodi ac yr wyf yn hanner noeth yn y gwely gwrando ar Betty du - ram. felly eu chi fynd, oh a ho drifft Tokyo yw bod *******

I'm waiting to see something abut Cthulhu in one of these.

I would stop but I can't...Rwy'n caru yr iaith Cymraeg

Pam y dylai y **** ei atal rhag Rwy'n mynd i ddal ati gan fy mod yn anhygoel ac yn gallu ei wneud beth bynnag rwyf am uffern, ac mae'n hwyl hyd yn oed os nad ydych yn credu hynny, unrhyw ffordd Nid wyf yn poeni beth yr ydych chi'n ei ddweud, yr wyf yn gwaedu awsome , Hey eisiau yma am fy dydd?

ha sorry, I will stop now.

Show romanization<br />
لو أنني كنت على الاطلاق في واقع الحياة وأود أن ختم قبالة رأسك ، والاغتصاب طفليك ، وأكل منها على قيد الحياة. وأود أن أقدم لكم مشاهدة هذا فانني ختم قبالة رأسك ، ولكن أولا أود أن يمزقوا عينيك ، وقطع لسانك ، ويشق لي سخيف قبضة حتى الآن أسفل فكرك كنت أعتقد كنت الولادة الى الحجم الكامل الفيل ، أنت سخيف الكلبة

Show romanization<br />
لو أنني كنت على الاطلاق في واقع الحياة وأود أن ختم قبالة رأسك ، والاغتصاب طفليك ، وأكل منها على قيد الحياة. وأود أن أقدم لكم مشاهدة هذا فانني ختم قبالة رأسك ، ولكن أولا أود أن يمزقوا عينيك ، وقطع لسانك ، ويشق لي سخيف قبضة حتى الآن أسفل فكرك كنت أعتقد كنت الولادة الى الحجم الكامل الفيل ، أنت سخيف الكلبة

I see periods and question marks! And capital letters.

don't you have anything better to do with your life? seriously just grow the **** up you stupid piece of crap.

Rud amháin nach bhfuil mé a thuiscint agus go bhfuil daoine. Meen mé cén fáth go mbeadh duine éigin mhaith Astráil un iarracht chomh crua chun athrú daoine nach féidir a athrú?

dda mae hyn yn mynd i fod yn hwyl. I wonder how many sociopaths are going to enjoy reading this. الامم المتحدة وأسترالياالعاهرة غبي قليلا ، ويحتاج إلى النوع نفسها ، لماذا لا تستطيع الذهاب فقط وتموت أنت نذل حقير؟ Sílim go bhfuil tú a pritty pathetic má tá tú ag dul chun seanmóir do bhealaí isteach dúr dúinn, táimid iontach *******, anois bás tú píosa blabbering **** tosser ******. Mae wedi apeard byth yn unig i mi pam ddylwn i wrando ar unrhyw un sy'n credu eu bod yn well na mi, neu infact credu y gallant newid y byd ******* nid dim ond oherwydd eich bod wedi cael bywyd mor **** yn meen allwch chi ddod yma bregethu ar bob un o'r defnydd chi uffern yw eich barn chi?

Exactly, you're even happy when I say stuff like, "Dewduster is a grody old goat with a **** like a fishstick... and yes, I mean it's small, square, and made of unspeakable biproducts!"<br />
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And go ahead Azrael, but I want ten pages and no punctuation or capitalization. Fight the power (of proper sentence structure)!

I will be right behind you dewduster. guess thats realy a given.

I've never seen the movie Anthropy, but if I remind you of a character from it, it must be amazing. Ha ha! <br />
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I like that philosophy Phage. Very clever. I told my roommate just now and we had a good laugh over it.

Ravenlee, your goal “Talk Less, Listen More”is way off course. <br />
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1. For the record I am a twice diagnosed sociopath and have been the guest at the Menninger Clinic and the LARNED STATE HOSPITAL for the Criminally Insane.<br />
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This “I Am a Sociopath” group is for sociopaths to discuss issues that are of interest to sociopaths. Go away. You would not like it if we came to visit you at the sites were you like to post and commit. I can and will if you don’t leave our queen sociopath alone. Others could follow. Understand?<br />
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We accept Phage as one of us and like to hear what ever she wants to say. <br />
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I am getting tired of your ignorant commit as to who is or who is not one of us.<br />
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Go away or I will visit you. If you block me I will come back as a new avatar.<br />
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I am sure many would take my advice and come with me to visit you. Do you want a bunch of sociopaths coming to your sites?...DD

If you want I could do the rambling for you and just for a bit of legancy I will right them in 3 diffrent languages, with plenty of spelling mistakes.

I've always found that when ob<x>jective reality differs from my own personal opinions and beliefs it is invariably reality which is in error.<br />
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And UnAustralia isn't crazy, she's lllaaaaaaaaaazzzyyyy. Where are my ten pages of rambling posts?

unaustralia is craaaayzzzzzzaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy.

Agreed, it would be boring. Ha, I tend not to argue unless I'm sure I'm right or that I can win the argument regardless of whether or not I am right. But then again, it's difficult to define "right" in the first place. Forming opinions based off of limited knowledge just irritates me. I like to know what I'm talking about before I start talking.

My ego is the Ouroboros, it feeds itself!<br />
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And XC, chill. Instead of being embarrassed by your lack of omniscience, be enthused by your capacity for learning. Life would be boring as **** if you already knew everything. And don't worry so much about not forming opinions about things about which you know nothing, the real trick is to be ready to reverse those opinions without ever admitting you were wrong in the first place.

Anthropy: Coming from you, those words are held to a high respect. It's one of my passions, learning. I'll dread the day I graduate from college, but I'm sure my job will provide me with oppurtunity to continue expanding my knowledge. It's another reason why I like to argue so much as well; the other view is interesting and helps me learn new things about the perception of the other side and it helps me learn new techniques. And I think it would be closed-minded and dumb to form an opinion of something before I come as close to fully understanding it as possible, so I try not to. As for the DSM-IV: I've only read up on Antisocial Personality Disorder, Schizophrenia, and Dissociative Identity Disorder. They're the ones that interest me the most, but that is probably only because I used to think I had each one of those at one point in time of my life. I've researched Antisocial the most and I've always wanted to see it outside of the eyes of the social norm and through the eyes of someone who actually had it. I've looked for books, but our library is limited in any sort of useful information, *sigh* It seems I've gone off about me, me, me again. Apologies.

I cannot argue with that. Admittedly, I stick much too close to the exact criteria as stated in the DSM-IV, without realizing that it was just another shaper of stereotype as well as a symptom's list. It hadn't occured that to me that there was more to learn than the memorization of characteristics. I'm even slightly embarrassed that I would make such an ignorant mistake, me who tries to stay outside the bounds of labeling and tries to see more than black and white. This is a disappointing reflection of self and I suppose when it comes to dealing with new information, I'll always see things the same way in the beginning.<br />
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I assumed the appreciation of anything was still a capability, though I was unaware that you could be self-conscious or be touched by a movie. I am glad to have "met" you Phage, this has definitely brought some more ponderance on all disorders (I really don't like the term "disorder" It makes it sound like a disease or something), not just this one. Now, if you'll excuse me, I do believe it is time for me to reset the boundries I have placed and the way I see certain things.

I know, I'm awesome! :D

Missy: "I thought Australia burned up? I guess that one escaped the inferno."<br />
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Nah, we keep putting it out for some reason. I'm quite glad for the 'un' part at the start of the username. I don't need that kind of crap in my country.

Oh, definitely. Especially as it applies to humans rather than textbooks. Like all definitions, that of a sociopath is an idealization which can never perfectly describe any person, and it tends to be a rather two-dimensional one at that. In defining what differentiates us from "normals" it's easy to focus on those differences and forget that, in may other ways, we're very similar to non-sociopaths.<br />
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Though I lack conscience, I still adore cats, appreciate romantic gestures, and at times feel self-conscious and awkward. Sometimes I even get teary-eyed when watching a movie or reading a book. Maybe not at the same scenes or for the same reasons that most people do--I tend to feel moved by crushing displays of power and victory, not sappy sentimentalism--but I do feel moved none the less. In this, as in all things, I am more than my stereotype.

Ah, true. I hadn't thought of it in such a way. It makes sense though. Seems I have more to learn about antisocial personality disorder than I thought. Then again, I'm only 18, so I have a lot to learn about everything still. It's my favorite to learn about, out of all the psychological disorders.

You're quite wrong, you know. I do care what other people think. People are a source of wonderful narcissistic gratification, and the stronger someone feels about you the more you influence, in a way even control, their life. So I love to be loved, and I love to be hated. And I most certainly love it when people are thinking and talking about me.

First off, get what you have to say out while you're there, instead of proving to the world that you're a rambling idiot. And if you didn't give a damn, then why are you even commenting? Another thing, she doesn't expect you to feel sorry for her. She's antisocial, meaning she doesn't give a damn whether you care, empathize, or whatever. Look it up, buy a psychology book, take a class, and learn something about this disorder. She doesn't give a damn if the world loves her. Love is not something antisocial personalities are capable of feeling (assuming that is, it even exists outside of the human mind). I'll let her speak for herself after this because I know she doesn't need me defending her. I just suck at holding my tongue when people are so ignorant and think they're brilliant at making some dumb comment that has points irrelevant to the subject (such as the "I don't care at all" part... and the part about the world loving her).<br />
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Okay, I lied. One more thing: Antisocial personality does not "grow up." They just don't. I don't mean that in a degrading way, I mean that they don't grow into what society expects them to be. They aren't conformists, which is where I connect with them, I suppose.<br />
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Edit: Oh, my bad. I got this comment out there after Phage. -_-'

Oh wow, I guess it's my turn now.<br />
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Okay, UnAustralian, I've given it some thought and you can post on my story, but you can't slack off like you did on basementnoise's story. I want at least ten pages of posts from you, and all of them have to be incoherent and unstructured. In fact, I'd really prefer it if you didn't use periods or capitalization, either.<br />
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I won't read them of course, but that's not the point. If you're going to stalk my story I won't accept anything less than your best. Except for your liver. I'd accept your liver as an alternative to your best.

So what we all have up and down days and most of that is based on what we are thinking and feeling but most of us know how to keep it all in check and find a balance as to not let it affect another because of our own hang ups. you seem to like making innocent people pay for whats done or not done to you and thats totally unfair. Why do i care thats who you are. i dont care at all. be who ever you want to be doesnt mean that the world will love you for being that way and should be more open and honest about how your coming across to them. A closing note glad i am not like you and dont have to associate with you anyone that does is just as bad. But why would they care, they probable enjoy manipulating you too before you do it to them. takes one sociopath to know one or a disordered personality who know what normal and reality is because of how she has written her above story. when do we start to feel sorry. Grow up

we all enjoy a bit of entertainment at someone elses expense. i am doing it to you. Does that worry you phage? Does it hurt you. Im sure what you do to others hurts them too.

Most people would have done weird things when they were young so it doesnt make you any more of a complete individual thats only done those things. the difference between you and some of them is that they grew out of it and left it back in the childhood. When do I start to feel sorry for you? You say you have a personality disorder, what part is actually disordered?