I distinctly remember unmasking my behavior in 4th grade on a field trip to the state fair. I was grouped with a bunch of girls and boys my age and everyone seemed excited about the trip apart from me. There were two girls who sat in front of me on the bus, best friends since kindergarten. They sat close to each other enjoying ones company then there was me sitting behind them enjoying the company of just myself. As we arrived I was paired up with them and we circled the fair grounds together. They hated the fact that I was in their group and would whisper things to each other. Not that I really cared what they were saying I was to busy occupying myself with how strangers around me interacted. I watched couples holding hands, people riding rides and playing games. I imagined the straps holding people in unfastening and throwing them up into the air and falling to their deaths. A little outside of the crowd I spotted a shaded area where not many people were around. I convinced the two other girls to go over there with me to sit and eat our lunch. As we were all three eating I noticed a butterfly who had just crawled out of its cocoon and had it's legs stuck to a spiders web to dry itself. I watched in awe as it sat there on the web trying to spread it's damp shiny new wings, the other girls were watching too and soon called over the teacher and other classmates to see. For so,e reason I instantly became angry at the fact everyone else was going to watch my discovery so I quickly ripped the wings off from its body before everyone got to see. The butterfly struggled for a little to get away but it's legs were still stuck to the web. When the two girls returned they saw what I did. I gave each of them a wing from the butterfly. My teacher was the one who first spoke and she appeared to be very concerned. "I hope you realize now what you have done. It will now die because of you, why did you do that?" Everyone was staring now and all I could bring myself to say was "it was going to die anyways I just made it easier for the spider to eat it's food."
Unmaskedfool Unmaskedfool
18-21, F
2 Responses Aug 17, 2014

It can't be easy and you never asked for it, As an empath of sorts, although not always - I can be a heartless *****, I actually understand you GUYS totally. I have written a book about it and i sometimes feel like you do in an odd way and loved my sociopath. Much love xxx

You were being logical. Sociopaths are very logical. People who aren't logical lose it really easily and start wars. Is that any better? I'm not a sociopath but sometimes wish I was so I wouldn't feel so weak and ******.

Being a sociopath does NOT make you stronger, in fact it takes away the one thing that differentiates us from most animals....emotion. Without it we are just robots.

... You are talking but I don't think you understand what you are saying. Animals are instinctual not logical.

But those emotions I guess help separate you from them. Just not how you think they do. We aren't robots without emotions tho.

And some if your emotions are modified through manipulation anyways. Love is funny... If you love someone (who isn't related to you) get married. That's how you show it. And you can only love someone like that ONCE. And then only that person ! Or you are bad.

I'm a sensitive, emotional person with a pretty high IQ. I majored in physics. I'm highly aware of logic and how it works. My point is that the two aren't mutually exclusive. It is my belief that a feeling logical human mind is a healthy strong mind. Lacking in emotion is not healthy and should be addressed. Thanks for sharing.

I'm a not so sensitive person with little to no emotion with a pretty high IQ myself. I have multiple certifications some in computer fields, locksmith certification, and some others... So now that the measuring is done.

As you mentioned you are a physics person. I love physics. It allows me to break cinder blocks. And I admit I'm not into psychology either! But I do live with this. And I may not have all the experiences, but neither do half the people in antidepressants. At least i am clean of drugs and I know how to fake emotion well enough that you wouldn't ever know.

People used to think smoking was healthy. We see how that has worked out in the end too. So you'll have to forgive my disagreement.

Good luck

Very True. As my experience of being a sociopath since I was young emotion is almost completely non existent. It's not something we can feel but something we can learn to fake or stage to fit in.

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