Just out of curiosity, do you think you have ASPD due to genetics or environmental factors? And when did you realize you were different?
Patrikios Patrikios
22-25, M
2 Responses Aug 21, 2014

I'd have to say both as well. I was sexually abused as a child, but even before that I had hurt animals and liked to control, scare, and hurt other children. I learned I had to mask these things early on though to keep who I was a secret so I could keep on doing what I wanted to. I curb the desire to hurt things and people only because It wouldn't be smart to blatantly do so. I settle for manipulation to live comfortably, but I'm always bored and don't know what I want out of life beyond fantasies of owning other people.

Edit: When I say that the sexual abuse that happened to me as a child contributed I mean that it helped me better realize that I did not feel anything if I did not choose to pretend I did. OH, I also remember being able to guilt my mother to believe she was responsible for my bad behavior even as a child of 4. I had taken to starting fires whenever I could and one time she caught me in the act. I remember having watched lion king. In one scene simba says to his father something about wanting to be like him when he did something bad and his father softening. So I told her I just wanted to be like her when she smoked cigerettes and I knew by the sad expression on her face that she bought it and left me off easy.

Were you diagnosed due to conduct? i.e. Were you involved in criminal behaviour that led to professional diagnosis, or did your family/school encourage getting a professional diagnosis? Were you treated? (Cognitive behavioural therapy)

Well my behavior as a toddler alone was; as my mother put it, "hectic." I hit here with a bat when I was 2-3 years old out of anger. She would describe my character as violent yet sweet. I'm not sure how I had those total opposites though. I was told that whenever I was upset I wouldn't have a fit like a normal child, I would go into a rage. I was punished with the belt by my dad several times a week, I had things taken away, but the only method that worked was to completely restrain me by holding me down by my arms and legs. My parents didn't stop physically punishing till I was 13. My younger brother and sister rarely got spanked or grounded, their last spanking was around age nine. Needless to say I stuck out like a sore thumb amongst my family. Always the problem child who got in trouble at school or in public. But to answer your question, I started going to counseling bc my family recommend it.

Cool. Obviously that corroborates the ASPD diagnosis quite a bit. Were the physical punishments effective in reigning in your behaviour, or did they exacerbate things/make them worse?

Any tests? Brain scans (fMRI)?

More importantly, did/does the counselling change anything? Is your aggression tempered, do you channel remorse at all, are your impulses difficult to control?