So, huh, these people I am related to and live with decided to have 'a talk' and apparently by their interpretation of the world alone (no, sorry, including apparently other relatives) I have 'obvious mental issues and depression'. Well, well this was interesting.
They kept repeating themselves, which I find a curious and strange thing. Something about ten months since I started living with family again, something about 'obviously' not being able to be independent. Then they go to the part about 'not telling us anything or talking to us and you always have up a wall, you put up walls' -a lot of obsession with this metaphor.
The cream. Really, what made it truly hilarious and yet simultaneously disgusting was the grandmother lent against the door frame, hand over her mouth, and her voice, her dear little voice broke from the emotion. Oh. Seriously? This is really pathetic and weak manipulation. I found it disgusting, though everything about her is.
They mentioned that conveniently they 'found' (what, like happened upon?) some, well, I have no idea, someone who apparently goes to people's houses and talks to people and knows things about how to get jobs (or something, these people are not the best with conveying information) and would I like to talk to this person? Of course I said no, making certain to be very open, calm, direct and clear about it. Apparently it doesn't matter how I would have replied because the way she reacted was incredibly emotional and manipulative. I think there was an attempted guilt element in there someplace, which doesn't work so that was interesting. When they walked away they said 'have a think for a few hours on this'. So.... there is no choice then? Say what you mean, do not try to get me to agree to something.
In a way, I see this as an opportunity. I think I will scout out this person tomorrow and depending on what they actually are I will decide what to do. I am thinking, if they push the issue of 'mental health' to just drop my mask and get a real and professional diagnosis. This will keep the ridiculous people I am related to away from me, and I will 'get help' that I can twist to my benefit ultimately. Such as getting out of this house.
The other idea is to act like I found God. Make an emotional transformation into a positive, brightly dressed (literally dress) expressly feminine persona that everyone will love and think is so changed and filled with life. On the inside, I will be laughing at how easily they buy into it. Silly how what people want is simplicity to the point of, quite literally, a farce. It will be quite a performance. I could have them dancing to my tune. Mostly, again, they will be forced to leave me alone.
There is no way I am 'depressed'. That is an amusing notion.
Lucienn Lucienn
22-25, T
2 Responses Aug 24, 2014

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Oh, I had this same thing when younger. Did they tell you they hate your " Blank face" or that it was insulting when all you are trying to do is appear calm and attentive? My families goal one time was to make me cry so they could see some emotion they said.

I just pretended, it was easy, and I pretended with the therapist as well, who said I was fine and could cancel our sessions if I wished.

This intense need for them to see you be "normal" always angered me. They never try to look at it from our perspective. We are a threat to them and their way of life. Blend with your prey.

My grandmother got offended when I shrugged off her hug. I hate being touched.
Lately I have put on a light, bubbly over enthusiastic facade that they seem to think is an improvement. I find that when you give them a smile and have a laugh people automatically think that you are okay.
It is exhausting though. Not to mention when the main reason they think I have depression is because I do not talk to them about anything unless necessary and spend most of my time to myself. Apparently if you do not tell people what you want to do with you life, or if you keep changing your mind then you have no direction.
Yesterday she seemed manipulative in that whole 'haha you will have to feel this and deal with your past' way which was interesting. She said 'it will be hard and painful to talk about'. It really will not be.

Oh, this made me smile. I still feel a bit aimless with my own life, one thing to the next, because all of it seems boring/ not worth the time.

The bubbly bit works well being a woman, and don't forget to act a little naive. The touching thing annoyed me as well. Sooo happy to be past that stage, I don't see my family now.