Inward Reflection On My Life
So i have been looking into some of my life experiences lately and trying to evaluate some of my behaviour.
I have a life long history of what is considered anti social behaviour from about the age of 5, i will be brief and say my behaviour from 5 - 18 included sexual conduct innappropriate for my age, fire starting causing property damage, vandalism of property, theft of money and store items, violent behaviour and bullying. Cruelty to animals and general disruptiveness.
From 18 onwards included expulsion from military for attacking officer, several terms in military jail for violence and and 1 term in civilian jail for violence, however since i was 21 i have not been back to jail although i have reoffended but not been caught. I have defaulted on 2 loans without regret and have borrowed money from girlfriends without paying it back. i have worked sporadically in a number of professions although in the main i have been supported by women in my life (not intentionally on my behalf). I have cheated on every female i have been with. I have constant anger and irritation at others and have no doubt that i will physically harm someone if i am sufficiently provoked, however as i get older this feeling has subsided somewhat but is still there. i also had a problem with alcohol for some years but gave up drinking when given an ultimatum by my wife. I do lack normal fear levels but i do have some fear of some situations.
So that is the bad in brief, i have however worked with kids for many years in outdoor education and enjoyed it for a while, i guess that is my one saving grace.
Looking at the above description of my behaviour and other anecdotes not mentioned, plus my general lack of empathy for anyone (though i can pretend very well), my initial thoughts were obviously "I am a sociopath". I have done the online check lists and even being fairly easy on myself i score fairly high. My question though is this, if i really was a sociopath why would i be posting here, why would i care?
Any thoughts would be appreciated.