Wondering About All Of Your Interests...


So is anyone other than me completely ******* in love with chemistry? The basic aspects that I find beautiful are the predictable patterns, the reactions that I control. It's like being god over a tiny, chemical world. Also, I've played violin since childhood and I've gotten to the professional level, been part of two different orchestras in the past, but it isn't a huge part of my life anymore. I realize that it isn't a typical interest for a scary sociopath like me to pursue, but whatever. I remember as a teenager, completely enjoying the level of refinement that is necessary to play that instrument. I have a huge appetite for knowledge and any kind of challenge that never seems to be fully satisfied. (If any of you have played the violin, viola, or cello, you know how very many intricate elements there are to perfecting a piece of music.) I remember that I loved playing Vivaldi especially.

I have a large amount of admiration for the people who are expert hunters. I haven't tried it yet, but I think I will soon. I like anything that makes living feel more authentic, and the entire idea of hunting appeals to that desire in ways I don't need to describe, because I'm sure you all understand. Have any of you seen that show Dexter, about the supposedly psychopathic serial killer? I watched it with my girlfriend and younger brother a few nights ago. (Lol.) Although I don't identify with his character, the one thing I did notice that made an impression on me was the neatness of his polished wood box of tools, and the way he described the ritual of his killings to be “intoxicating.” Very nicely done. I've only seen three different episodes, but all in all, I don't think he's very convincing as a psychopath or a sociopath or whatever he's supposed to be, I won't go into a long explanation, but I doubt most of you disagree with me if you really do have a full understanding of the entirety of our true selves.

Social interaction to all of us seems to be pretty much the same, eh? It's a skill that demands quite a bit of attentive work. Although I'm not what you would call a love junkie (Lmfao,) I do have a general interest in analyzing people, the way they operate, their reactions to the person I display for the world. Like most of you, I'm all narcissist, I like commanding the attention of everyone in the room and I'm not ashamed of it. It is a rather nice feeling, knowing that you understand a person to their core, their imperfections and fears and inner pain, and they know almost nothing about you. Love the control. Of course, when relationships get to that irritating pinnacle where the other person really wants to latch on like a ******* parasite, I disappear, but the build-up is pretty ******* entertaining to me. I get to be whatever I want :)

 Anyway, just wondering what kind of hobbies all of you emotionally dead people have, other than manipulating all of the emotionally vulnerable people running around just waiting to be ripped to shreds by the cold, assertive blade of your intellect.

Not looking for some long tiresome argument about morality and sickness of the heart, so if anyone wants to be a troll and respond to this with a load of b u l l s h i t, please know in advance that I am disinterested in questioning the shortcomings/advantages that there are to being myself. I am what I am.

Just searching for some new hobbies to cure the boredom.

P.S, Dexter doesn't like to **** because he's afraid his partners will notice that he's not all there? WTF? THREE CHEERS FOR A ******* TON OF EMOTIONLESS SEX! I'm sure you all agree.

krrrrrrssssttttmmmphhh krrrrrrssssttttmmmphhh
22-25, M
15 Responses Feb 17, 2010

There is no need to dwell on it, even I make mistakes sometimes.

Oops! Missed that qualifier. My bad XD

I did say NEARLY empty, I am a not a robot after all.

I have bouts of emptiness but it does pass. Although I call emptiness when I have no feeling at all; none whatsoever.

That's unfortunate, referring to being empty. I don't think that'd be much fun.

@XCRevolution I think our emotional deadness varies, some merely have less empathy while others are nearly empty. On topic , I read, I write, I cook, I draw and I do martial arts

Oh and what the **** is up with this person's username? Just had to ask. The OP.

I only get anxious if I get overly annoyed. But "they" still consider it anxiety. I don't.

What do you ever feel anxious about?

YEA me too!! ^^ The docs called it anxiety disorder and I call it boredom as well.

Don't forget boredom.<br />
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I certainly get anxious on occassion. It's usually in situations where I've managed to spend more time thinking about something then actually doing it. I am not very patient at times.

Me to XC because I do feel anxiety at times. There is a lovely little blue pill called xanax for that. ;-) It could be a mental thing though really (no pun) more than physical.<br />
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I feel joy. Anger. Tons of annoyance. I do love.

I thought sociopaths weren't emotionally dead. I thought they just lacked empathy and did not feel guilty for anything "wrong" that they may do. But they can still feel anger, joy, annoyance, etc. According to the guidelines they can't feel anxiety, but I'm skeptical about that.

Or knitting?

<br />
Try quilting somtime? Maybe cutting people's throats? Take a beading class? How about becoming a suicide hotline volunteer? <br />
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I think you'd have fun with that one.