Being Solitary - Is It Learned Or Genetic?

We moved around a lot when I was growing up. Hell, I've continued to do if for most of my grown up life as well... I was never in one place for more than a few years so making friends (learning how to make friends) may be a skill I just never developed. It is only recently that I've lived in the same city for any length of time, but I have no ties to it. No family in the area and no friends when I moved here.

I'm closing in on 41 this year, I have few friends and have never been in a relationship that lasted longer than a year. My job for the last decade has been home/field based (no office), with my coworkers spread across the country. I speak to them on the phone but rarely see them in person. I sometimes go several days without talking to anyone I know (outside of work clients) or leave my house.

When I'm around groups I tire easily and long to be home alone. I enjoy time with the few friends I do have but only short amounts of it - can't take it for long. I'm a good person and friendly, talkative and intelligent. I am genuinely flummoxed when it comes to making new friends and have no clue. New neighbors moved in and they seem very nice. I spoke with them, helped them unload their truck, then nothing... Haven't spoken to them since. 

I do miss the companionship of having a girlfriend and think about it often. After 2 consecutive, spectacular relationship failures I kind of gave up hope and haven't dated for years. Not being in an office and with few friends it wasn't hard to just stop. Recently I decided to try again and a married couple I'm friends with took it as a mission to set me up. I went 0 for 3; went on 3-4 dates with each (consecutively, not concurrent) with nothing coming out of it.

I don't know if being alone is a choice and a result of my life experiences or the result of the chemical mix in my brain. All I know is that I both need and hate to be alone.

SolitareOne SolitareOne
41-45, M
Feb 20, 2010