Sparkled Soul

I grew up with a great family, mom and dad are amazing, i have three awesome sisters and now a neice and nephew of whom i love more than my luggage.

When i was in my early teens i had alot of carisma, alot of drive and i was very forthright and cool. I think i had one of the best personalities and and a real nice attitude.

When i began to grow up things changed. I became involved in some situations that made me hard and sometimes depressed. I saw myself beccoming a shell of a person by the time i was 19 and i felt that i couldn't change it and that i would haveto live this way for ever. Something inside me wanted to fight it. I wrote in my diary all the things that i wantd to get back so that i could feel whole again, i said that one day i would get my sparkle back. I faught nightmares, a weight problem"eating dissorder called binge eating", i had panic attacks 2 or 3 times a day for two years " i learned to ignore them as if they were not real". I had severe depression to the point where i cut all my friends off and wouldn't even go outside. It was a mess. But i learned to fight hard and I learned that i am in controll of my life, no one else.

I am 24 and i feel better than ever. It took me years to pick all the garbage out of my life that i had packed away for so long. It took alot of strength and i made myself know that i deserved better and soon i only did things that made me happy and i surrounded myself with people that were stong and outgoing and carismatic. I faught off depression on my own without drugs of any kind and it has not been back for over three years, my eating dissorder is gone and i have lost 50 pounds and i refuse to be that person again. I have come to terms with the fact in order to love others i must love myself again the way i once did.

I just had to get over myself and i realized that i let it happen so i must stomp it out.

I feel that i am truly blessed. I have my sparkle back and it feels really good.

 

jess123 jess123
22-25, F
1 Response Aug 22, 2007

That's right Sezziy! put your foot down and refuse to be unhappy. Reach down and grab those invisable balls that all of us woman have and say " I'm a tough bi*ch and i don't care who knows it" Apply some gudelines to follow and they must come from deep withn you, stick to them and you will conquor all. Be proud of yourself for all that you do in life.<br />
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PS. At night when crazy visions and nightmares would bother me i would say to myself " hey! i am the scariest thing in this room" and it helped me through some tough nights. I kinda felt like Zena the warrior princess after a while.