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Always Different

I have always been different...by my own distinction and doing or by others response. I have never truly known why, but the world as it is has never much fit to who I am inside. I have chosen to do or not to do more by what directs me internally than what the world seems to accept...No high school dating, although I wasn't too bad looking, but very shy. I went into marriage not under the most 'normal" of circumstances. But one thing I have always understood, that when you commit to someone, you give that person the respect of never drifting from that path of being faithful to them. There are enough conditions in the world that lead people astray but to add unfaithfulness into a marriage, to me, is wrong and an added pain and doubt that need not be there. I have never had much self confidence in as a "beautiful" person, but I have had it  in what is in side me. That is a place of unwavering faithfulness when combined with marriage. 
I have been married twice, and both men, because of their own internal voices telling them that no woman can be faithful to one man, accused me of cheating on them. I never did, but they both said it anyway. Weakness on their part, not mine.
Existing in this world of fast, temporary, shallow,...I have always had a deep faith...of just being. Placed in this world to try as hard as I can to add to peoples lives, and not take. From the giving I have received my fulfillment. I am human though, I have had weak moments. Self pity, self worth, but always the thread of...you must matter...comes through in the end.
I will never be famous, or well to do, but my spirit and my place in this world, my giving back to this world 4 very worthwhile children...is all the well being I need in the end..
Mistakes happen to all of us, mistakes...lessons...tricks of fate...some that come from the most well intended. From them, we must learn, and evolve, as best we can within our own terms of a life well spent.
I try to keep balanced, good and bad, happy, sad, beginning, end...being human with a more than powerful spirit.
rowenbumble rowenbumble 56-60, F 3 Responses Mar 31, 2012

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Pray to God as you understand Him to be

Humans project upon others what they themselves are capable of. Thus--

The cheater doesn't trust you.
The liar doesn't believe you.
The thief never leaves anything out.

That these men accuse you of cheating when you were not indicates to me that they were the ones who were cheating-- and so long as you were defending yourself, you were too busy to be noticing what they themselves were up to. You might consider re-examining the relationships from THAT angle, just so you can maybe make more sense out of them.

Also, I have featured story on my profile, "The Four Elements". It's a "Guide" to relationships, both platonic and romantic, that I've cobbled together from long nights of deep thought and analysis of my own failures, or those around me. I'd love to hear your thoughts back on the story, as I am always looking to improve it to help as many as I can, and make it completely accessible by anyone.

Try the MBTI personalities test.<br />
It helps me a lot.<br />
To understand myself. <br />
I'm an INFJ type.