Lost In Antidepressants

Since the time of Prozac, the most well known of the early anti-depressants, there have been many others added to the scene. In fact in 2005 there were 115 million prescriptions for antidepressants written in the US for people who claimed or were diagnosed by their family doctors, and psychiatrists as being depressed. In Dallas, a few years ago, fish in the rivers were tested, and found to have high levels of Prozac and other anti- depressants in them, from people passing residual amounts into the sewer system. The water purification plants were not designed or equipped to remove pharmaceuticals during the treatment process. And as each new generation of these drugs is created they become more powerful and target specific to brain chemistry than the last generation, and purportedly more efficient and successful at relieving the symptoms of depression.

Not that depression isn't real in some, but so is extended bouts of just sadness and unhappiness at present circumstances that may or may not have anything to do with being clinically depressed. But, pharmaceutical reps and marketing can convince doctors that they are magic bullets, and that anyone who is dissatisfied with their lives is depressed and should be prescribed these pills in order to reach that norm of happiness in our consumer driven capitalist free market society. When my son died at 24, after single parenting him for 20 years, we were as close as a father and son could be. we were friends, parent child, father son, and teacher student taking turns being teacher or student. I was crushed, I gave, sold, or just left where it was everything that we had accumulated in those 20 years, rented a one bedroom apartment, put a mattress on the floor, a microwave in the kitchen, and lived as a monk for three years. Lost, crying, praying, meditating, practicing my spirituality, reading, grieving, and living the life of a monk on the floor. No car, no creature comforts, trying to put my life together. A psychologist came by once a week to see if I was still alive and that was my life for those three years.

I used those three years gaining a perspective of my life, my son's life, the world through the filter of spirituality. Weeks were spent, and other than Wednesdays, I didn't speak. No phone, TV, radio, computer. No friends coming by. This was my cave in the desert, my forty days with the devil. Was I clinically depressed, I don't know, never asked a doctor. I used drugs when it got to much, and when I could emotionally wrestle with it I didn't use.

At the end of three years, I could think and talk about him without tears flowing through my eyes, but the hole in my heart whistled as the cold wind of mortality blew through it constantly. At the end of four years, the cold wind wasn't quite as cold. Five years and I was still lost, but I could remember some good times, along with the events leading to the experience of his death. At six years the hole was there but the wind blew less frequently And I could begin to talk about him with his friends and others. And now at 8 years, it is just another life experience. In my other stories, you can get to know the grace and love which was my son, this story is about another subject. The hole is there, it's just beginning to fill with the goodness that he was, and the understanding that he filled a purpose while here on earth, one of which was teaching me and leading me to my true self.

Back to the subject, anti-depressants. Now, they alone are not enough. Millions are evidently out there in the market place still complaining about being depressed. So the drug companies have come up with "booster" pills, which you take with the antidepressant, to boost it's effectiveness if you are still depressed after taking whichever pill you are taking for a few months. Makes me wonder, is it a brain chemistry issue in all these folks? Maybe some. But maybe, they aren't happy with their lives. Their life choices. Their lifestyles. Maybe, they are ignoring their soul's purpose, their spirit's reason for experiencing this life on Earth. And they are intuitively becoming aware of this. I have been sick with Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome for 20 years. I have seen over 20 doctors and specialists. At least. I took care of my aging, dying parents their last two years and saw all of their doctors. And not one of these guys ever uttered any word associated with spirituality. And I am not talking of religion. The dogma and political nature of the church, all churches, based on the ego's of the pastors, and their boards, and their congregations are as far from spirituality as the doctors I have run across. To rest your mind a little, I was a certified lay speaker for the Methodist Church for 2 years, and spoke frequently, studied heavily for it, and have also spent over 30 years of my life on a spiritual/religious path. I am speaking from experience, not from reading. And I am not judging any of those who find the path of a particular religion a path which leads them to the finding of God within themselves.

I just can't help but think that the epidemic of depression might be a result of a lack of spirituality and the discovery of the God nature within us all, and the walking of that path, the living of that path, rather than the path of a fear based ego, is what is leading to individuals complaining of how depressed and awful their lives are, rather than an issue of brain chemistry. An emotional response formed from an intuitive realization of "I'm on the wrong path, going in the wrong direction, away from God, not toward or with God."
rmichaels rmichaels
56-60, M
2 Responses Jul 13, 2010

Thanks, you make me think that I'm not as delusional as I sometimes think! :-)<br />
mike

you are an incredible person!!! you have brought a smile to my face and a tear to my eye.... xx