Stalking Has Ruined My Life

Ok so it all started about 4 years ago I was about 14 and realized I was bisexual. It first started with a celeb crush like a lot of people have. She is a singer from Mexico. I was pretty much gaga over her. Well then exactly 2 weeks before my 14th birthday I have came in from school and my mom and dad sat me down and explained to me how one of my old childhood friends had died in a car wreck. I hadn't seen her or her sister in a few years. She was only 16  and took a curb to fast and flipped her vehicle. To this day I still feel bad because the first thing I thought about was the fact that I would be able to see her sister again. I was actually kind of excited. I had always really liked her but never told anyone. So I got my chance and I saw her. I guess I dint know why but I was expecting her to look like she did the last time I had seen her. Well she didn't at all. It was like love at first sight. She had really filled out and her hair was longer her eyes where such an amazing brown color I was just a puddle on the floor. She didn't really talk to me that day. I got a hug from her at her sisters funeral and she invited me over sometime. I was happy that she invited me over. I felt bad though because of the circumstances. Ok well to get on with my story I saw her for a few months and we kind of talked then I told her sister about liking her and she told her. I tried to talk to her about it and it all just turned out terribly wrong and ended with me telling her how sexy she was. Well at the same period of time there was a girl at school that really reminded me of her. I really liked both of them. Well That was 8th grade. I kept everything pretty ok. It was my freshman year that ruined my life. See the girl at school found out that I liked her and she  didn't seem to really have a problem with it she even smacked my butt once when she was walking by. I let myself get way out of hand with both of them. The girl from school lived in town and it go to the point that I would ride past her house everyday and hope that she was out just so I could see her. I watched her at school and it really made her uncomfortable. She finally just walked by me one day and didn't even glance at me she was really stiff when she did and she had one of her friends tell me to stop following her. I felt like the dumbest person ever then. And then there is the other girl that I liked so much. She got a job working right around the corner from where I lived. I started calling her everyday and they just stopped answering after a little while. Well one week out of the summer she was leaving for church camp and I thought I was going to go nuts and I wanted to see her one last time. So at like 3 in the afternoon I had the best idea ever to ride my bike 20 miles to the next town to say bye and wish her a good trip. I used to ride my bike by her job everyday and go in just to see her. I apologized a few time but I just couldn't stop. I was so obsessed I couldn't even sleep. Her mom eventually came to my house to tell me I had to stop or they would get a restraining order against me. Two in the same year. Well it gets better after a few months they lost the house they were living in and they moved to town and both of the girls I stalked became good friends. I still couldn't stop. I was losing it inside but it was like an addiction. Well it got really bad at school for me. After my freshman year I quit. Well I am home schooled now and I dint go outside often. As little as possible actually. I dint have many friends and I dint have any close friends. I cant even make friends in this town because everyone knows about me. It really sucks. But the worst part is lately I have been having those same feelings. I try to think about how it ruined everything the first time. But its hard to just ignore. Its my neighbor. She is absolutely beautiful. I really like her but she wont even look at me. She wont come outside if I am out or even if she knows that I am home. Her older sister went to school with me but was locked up during that horrible year. She is very popular though so she is friend with a lot of people that know. Her mom just gives me dirty looks like I just killed their cat or something. I dint know what to do. I am not making it noticeable that I like her. But its hard. I want her to like me even if just as a friend but she wont even look my way. I hate it. So that's my story. Whats happened so far at least. If anyone has any advise on how to quit I would be honored if you would share it with me. Thanks for listening sorry its so long.

blownaway20 blownaway20
18-21, F
7 Responses Jun 26, 2010

Thank you all for your advice. Ive not had any problems out of this lately. I actualy saw the first girl I ever had issues with as far as stalking goes and she came up and gave me a hug and we talked for a minute. It was nice that she came. As mad as she made me I finaly got the chance to apologize and I really really meant it and she knows that. I have had the urge to go to the store she works at just to see her but I havn't. Its not been an overwhelming urge. Id just like to see her. To say hi. But I know that thats not the best thing to do at this point. Maybe later on down the road. I met someone tho and I think thats helping. Someone who knows about my past and still likes me for me. I dont have to pretend around her and its really nice.

relate to this hugely. i've written a story about it too. i know it's hard to forget someone you like, what i do is live in my own little world & focuss on th positive things about me. you're just a young girl, not a scary freak, to be honest these girls are treating you unfairly. things will get better & you will find friends who don't judge you. i have some beautiful friends who understand so i'm lucky, this will happen for you. & you'll find someone who you love & they'll love you too. it's corny, but everything will move on. for now just try intensly hard to focuss on other things & keep telling yourself this - "i'm just a teenage girl who had feelings, i'm still a good person, people just don't get it & they're being unfair. it's not my fault, i'm okay." it's true.

thanks harry34 thats great advice

The best thing to do is to discuss all this with a complete and utter stranger and then you won't feel as bad. I've been to hell and back with my 'stalking' - I've supposedly stalked two women but at least my friends still talk to me. I've got someone stalking ME now and I just don't talk to them because they are from SCIENTOLOGY and they are trying to make me buy their books and their SH*T! So I'm definitely doing the right thing there!<br />
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You must be in a severe state of "what's going on, man?!" because everyone knows about you and it's hard to look people in the eye. But hey, what have you got to feel guilty about?! You have feelings for these people and they are just being plain NASTY. They ought to be ashamed of themselves and if I were you they shouldn't even consider being your friend as you are far more superior than they are.... Get that piece of advice!<br />
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All the best<br />
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thanks eveyone for the comments and help

You need to just relax and maybe you can become friends someday. I have the same thing going on with a neighbor man. I only wanted to be friends bu the wants more.

Hey! I really relate to SO much of your story. Very scary times when you think it's gone, then wham! hits you right in the face. <br />
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I think you're doing a great thing by just coming on here and getting it all out, if you could find someone to talk to, that would really help too. For me finding out why i was getting obsessed with people then admitting it to someone was the key.