I Just Made A Big Mistake

Ok so I just made a big mistake. I have posted on here before about my issues with stalking. I have been good for about 2 years with everything. I dont know why though but here lately something has come over me. Right before I got on here I was on facebook. I looked at both of the girls profiles that accused me of stalking them and then one who I was friends with that I used to have a big crush on. The 2 that accued me really messed me up at when it all happened. I cried all the time, had to go to therapy, and even tried cutting myself. It got so bad I dropped out of school. Well I am home-schooled now but I would have dropped out if thats what it would have took to get away from everything. Nobody would talk to me but one girl. I have such a big fear that I will start doing it again. I dont want to. I just want to forget about everything and never do it again. I just have that old, its almost like a need to know what is going on with these girls. If they knew that I had looked on their profiles, well that would be like a certain death for me. Please tell me how to ignore such a need to do what I am about to do. I know its wrong when I do it. I feel sick to my stomach when I even think about it. I know I shouldnt but I dont know how to stop myself. I would appriciate any advice. Thanks to all for all the support.

blownaway20 blownaway20
18-21, F
4 Responses Jul 10, 2010

Hey, checking people´s profiles is NOT stalking, everybody does it. If someone has a profile with information about themselves on Internet, it is because they want other people to look at it. Stalking is when you follow and harass another person, who suffers from your attention. These girls do not suffer - they have given away the information voluntarily and probably do not even know that you are "stalking" them. The only sufferer here is you. I think you should ask yourself what these girls have that attracts you to the extent that you get addicted to them (because it seems like some kind of addiction, doesn´t it?). What is lacking in your life? Could you find a better way to get what you need than desperately looking at these profiles? Hugs!

stalking is only bad if it includes a threat, i'm sure you wouldn't hurt these girls. don't be hard on yourself sweet, so many people have been in your position. x i know how hard it is.

Like any other disease some things are not a permanent cure for there is only treatment. You shouldn't label yourself by the disease that is just causing more harm then good. Like any good self help first step is to accept that you have a problem and that your powerless over it. It may not be something that you can constantly control at this point in time. Like any treatment you need to constantly look at the issue and deal with it as it comes up. <br />
A lot of help that I've gotten is from something called a Think Feel Do self help test. These can be done by yourself and anytime you start feeling that tug in the wrong direction. <br />
First off people do things ba<x>sed off what they feel which come from what they think such as an example I stalked this girl because I felt powerless and alone. I felt this because of how I thought that no one wanted to be my friend because I have a stalking problem. Why do I have a stalking problem? Because it makes me feel empowered and in control. I feel that because I am really powerless and out of control. <br />
Now remember just an example Im not trying to pick your thoughts just a self help exercise. Now this can loop around for awhile but the main thing is to be honest. Now when you figure out what the root of what you think is then you move on to changing the way you think. When you feel powerless you empower yourself... I am a great person, I help people. I want to be a functional member of society, ect whatever you need to do to offset the negative thinking... From that point (don't expect this to happen overnight with one attempt) you will start feeling better about yourself and in which you will start doing actions that will reflect your feelings. Never give up never think there is no escape... There is always people to talk to and there are others out there with the same thoughts and feelings as you.. You are not unique in this and talk to someone who is trustful and who wants to help you. <br />
Once again like any illness you may experience this throughout the years and if you feel that you have to look on their page to find out what they are doing.... delete your facebook account.. If you feel the urge to look at their page STOP.. realize that is what your doing and then THINK FEEL DO and find out why your doing it and change what needs to be change.. <br />
One day at a time don't worry about the past and what you have done only accept that you have done things and focus on the present and today as it happens.... If you can accomplish what you are looking for you will be fine.. Just remember it may take time and not to give up

Forgive yourself for your behavior. Do not brand yourself as a stalker for the rest of your life, especially if you seek out the help you need in order to change your behavior. People can change, but it depends largely on their desire to change.